An area man who wishes to remain anonymous has added thirty copies of the last print issue of satirical periodical The Onion to a pile of newspapers his girlfriend wishes he would throw out. "I worry about him," she told this reporter. "Sure, it's just one pile of newspapers next to his over-stuffed and ill-balanced bookcases, but OCD hoarding always starts somewhere, and both of the closets are full of books and magazines too." "I don't see what the problem is," our subject replied. "Reading online isn't the same, and besides, these might be worth money someday!"


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Other items in the pile of newsprint include important clippings, dating back to 2003, that he plans to organize over the holidays; half-finished crossword puzzles; vital materials for vaguely planned writing projects; and newspapers he "didn't have time to read, but will get to soon. You know, the Science Section from the Tuesday New York Times really never gets out of date."

The girlfriend shook her head, and pointed out that every time there's a story in the paper about someone getting killed when the stuff they hoard topples and traps them, "I clip it and give it to him, and he just adds it to the pile."