Hullooomosexuals! Our first event this week is so flipping unique and mind-boggling, it just might MELT YOUR BIG GAY FACE OFF. Imagine: the talents of Sarah Rudinoff (my secret girlfriend, gurlfran), Waxie Moon (that silly little minx!), Paula the Swedish Housewife (who is calling herself "Paulanow" now for some reason—what the heck was wrong with "Paula the Swedish Housewife"? Too long to sign on checks? A mystery), Jen Ayers, Paris Original... well, damn it, there are just too many AH-MAZINGK talents involved in this miraculous 90-minute mindfuck to mention. This is the first time House of Thee UnHoly has been staged since 2011, and if you are familiar with it, you understand completely. If not? Well, let me just paint you a little picture in words: throbbing, high-level burlesque (I'm convinced Seattle has some of the best burly performers on planet Earth) takes acid and has an explosive rock 'n' roll orgasm all over live music's face. There will be a baker's dozen dancers, a trio of incredible vocal talent, four musicians, some scary/sexy Hindu goddesses, mean old Vikings, and "a little bumble bee with a big problem." It even has costumes by Mark Mitchell! This is sure to be an epic spectacle. Triple Door, 7 and 10 pm, $20–$45, early show 17+/late show 21+, March 12–16.

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And here's all our recommended music events—tonight, tomorrow, this weekend, and beyond!