Did you see the thing about Apple buying Beats by Dre? Dr. Dre became "hiphop's first billionaire," and a million status updates congratulated him. No, congratulations to us—we literally celebrate the rich getting richer. Hail yeeeuh. Shower the rich with rose petals, hail, hail. Sure, Dre also got his $3 million lawsuit against Death Row thrown out recently, but lawsuits get blocked all the time—ask "Sista Dee" Barnes, the woman whom Dre beat like a fuckin' smoker for daring to do an interview with Ice Cube in which he dissed N.W.A. Never forget. I grew up watching Pump It Up in LA in the '80s—just imagine if a black male pop superstar beat the shit out of a beloved black female figure... and the public forgot... uhh...bout it. Right.

In other news... ah, yes: Mickey Avalon is at the Crocodile on Thursday, May 15, bringing his wasted Hollywood street-kid glam-freak rap show to a room full of screaming, pawing young women, no bullshit. His mascara'd-up Iggy Pop rap and generally greasy junkie swag puts him in a lane all his own—but if it helps, he was down with Ke$ha before she was... whatever she is or was. Does that help? I'm still just completely confused by Mickey Ave's 2007 appearance in a Boost Mobile ad alongside Young Jeezy and Jermaine Dupri. I just wish I coulda sat in on the meeting where they gave that one the green light, at least to have some of what they were smoking.

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