I know, I know. Weezer. Oof. At this point you either love the band unconditionally and are happily going along for whatever ride they're taking you on (read: dad jams and summer cruises), or your heart is forever broken past the point of repair and you'll never like another song they write ever again.

I fall into the latter group, but I still couldn't resist listening to the first single of their new album, "Back to the Shack."

What the hell is this? First of all, if you're going to write a throwback song about how you want things to be the way they used to be, you sure as hell should make it as good as it used to be. This is not. Secondly, I understand your desire to rhyme, Rivers, but how can you go "back to the shack" when you were never in a shack? That was a garage, dude. You were in a garage.

Please, Weezer, just stop. You really did give it a good go, but that's enough now. That's more than enough.