This Fox 17 report of a 2,000 person party in West Michigan takes a turn into parody-level bafflement when 20-year-old James Taylor (!?) tells the camera crew "I didn't force anything down anybody's throat. I didn't make anybody stay here until 7 am or 11 or whatever time it was when everybody finally left. I didn't make this kid pass out on my floor," and the camera actually pans down to said passed out kid on the floor.

This before Taylor turns around and contradicts himself when the reporter asks what he would say to people who say he's responsible: "I am. It's my house. You gotta deal with it afterwards, but apparently it was worth it." Then he proceeds to invite lawsuits by placing the blame for any underage attendees on their parents:

Every time you're pointin' at someone you got three fingers pointin' back at you, and if you're a parent of a 14-year-old child that's been able to be at my house all night—and according to the police there was a lot of them here—so, I think there are some parents that should do some reflections on their parenting before they start pointin' at me.

Mmmkay. Unfortunately, nothing gold can stay, even in this initially surreal news report, which notes that Mecosta Police say six drug overdoses and the sexual assault of a 19-year-old woman took place at the party. The report also says that Taylor is moving to California, which is probably wise since he's bound to have an arrest warrant issued in Michigan any time now.

Via Gawker via Reddit.