Self-Checkout Machines Don't Talk Black


Nope, not taking the bait on this one.
So are you saying you want only full service gas, like Oregon? Or what?
You're kidding, right?
You want an option for a specific dialect of non-standard English?
Should there also be dialect choices in Spanish or is standard Spanish sufficient?
What else should offer non-standard English? ATMs? Government forms? Every other type of commercial communication? How about product packaging. How about this newspaper?
There is such a thing as Standard English and all
English speakers, including those who also speak another dialect, should be conversant in it.
Would you like to propose a definition for "black English"? What sort of phrasing do you intend the "black English" prompter to have? Any other ideas for how to increase racism in the grocery purchasing process?
Are you suggesting Black Americans are a monoculture who all use the same Black English? Because I don't think that's true. I'd also note there's no option for Asian English, Southern English, or the mixture of Spanish/English that many Puerto Rican and naturalized Central and South American citizens use.

Automated checkout machines aren't there to be your friend or make you feel comfortable. They exist to communicate as clearly and quickly as possible, which means not taking the time to parse not only languages but dialects and accents.
My compliments on this troll bait.
You went too far on this one Charles, it is way too obvious.
I agree -


is not black - but it aint white neither. White people use verbs, for example. (This particular expression strikes me as Condensed Authoritarian, from the Abbreviated region of Technocratic Authoritania.)
even if they did program it to speak "black english", charles would be sad that the machine didn't say "neoliberal" as every ninth word.
Checkout machines that speak jive?

Really compelling stuff, Charles. The days of automatic checkout machines are numbered.
The commercial utopia is in a TV ad for online shopping (I forget which store) that I first thought was satire. It triumphantly declares that "you can buy everything you want without ever having to talk to another human being!"

Not black, not white, not anyone at all.

Expected Item In Trolling Area.
The funny thing about this is that is presupposes that black checkers speak black English (is that distinct from Ebonics?) their customers. I'd like to see the evidence that they do. In my experience they speak standard English.
Self checkout at the library is weird too. It takes place in silence. And the librarians seem lonely. Is a public space without interaction really a public place, or just a vacuum with random bodies in it?
Did anyone recognize the language in this article? It was a little like English, but different enough that I couldn't get the gist of it.
If this is the case, then I demand options for Esperanto and tlhIngan as well.
White people would not be comfortable seeing a black English option on machines. Because that's racist.

Although, I would be interested in an example of a standard English checkout phrase translated into black English.
I wonder what Bill Cosby (pre-reputation and career in flames Bill Cosby, maybe a month ago) would have to say if someone tried to program a self checkout machine to speak black English.
@1 - Me either.
At the thinly-disguised Safeway...…
"Excuse me, I speak Jive"
@8: And yet some people took the bait.
I want to be the white voice actor who records the "black english" into the machines! Me, or Stanley Roper. Also, the machine should scan your skin color to decide the hue of English spoken. Problem solved.
Steve Hawking's computer speaks with an American accent, and he is British.

More of the same here.
"If you thought Shaft was black exploitation, just wait until you see Charles Mudede as Black English"
I guess Charles got bored with his Amanda Knox obsession.
"Scan yo' firs' shit"
"Y'all usin' a bag dat y'all brung?"
"Naw put dat shizzle in da bag, dog."

This is actually white English from middle class suburbia.
@29 get E40 to do the voice and that would be pretty close. bay area slang co opted by just about errbody
chuck just gets worse and worse. this is shit. i piss on your shit.
@29 ha. that's probably the best way to make people use human run checkout lines. people would hear the machine say those things and think it was broken
Can somebody explain why this professional troll continues to draw a paycheck?Anyone?I mean, this is like the third bitchfest this guy has written about automatic checkout machines. Are you fucking kidding me?
34 there are no machines that make bullshit
@35 Have you WATCHED Fox News in the past ten yearS?
CHARLES!!!!. There's this.
as long as I can get the expensive produce for the price of the cheap produce, I don't care what english it speaks.
I'm not really sure what to say here. If this is trolling then I have to ask why? What is your goal?

If you're serious then this is colossally stupid and it complicates your (and The Stranger's) already tenuous credibility.

As puzzled as I may be, it did get me to respond... so there's that. I just hope that wasn't the goal. If it was, what a waste of talent.
@39: This is his point. If an obviously Black male or female voice was speaking to you at the Safeway self-checkout, it would freak your shit out. And the question is why that is?
@39 why not take it a step further and tell everybody those imaginary people you're talking about would freak their shit out with a black man or woman flesh and blood cashier.

all of the machines i've used have female voices. oppression of fem-bots is a rampant problem in this society
whhops post above was @40
@36 wut? are you trying tell me you think the content of fox news is dictated by robots?
Grow up Chuck.

There is only one form of English. It's called English.

"Black English" is no more English than Ozark hillbilly speak is English. That is to say, it is merely a manifestation of ignorance, ignorance of the English language.

If one added 2+2 and got 5, we wouldn’t call it “Black Math.” We would call it what it is: ignorance. Calling things by their correct names makes everything much simpler for everyone, especially the ignorant.
Only if the black voice actor is James Earl Jones, Morgan Freeman, Samuel L. Jackson, or Billy Dee Williams. Commanding tones!
P.S. One of those actors is not like the others. Which one?
And I thought Fox News was troll bait....

Someone has never been to the British Isles. Or even to Brooklyn.