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JUST ABOUT ANYTHING GOES AT A BLUE MOON CHRISTMAS EVE

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The Stranger has last-minute discounts to PNB, ACT Theatre, Neumos, and On The Boards this weekend. Grab tickets before they're gone!

Butt Dial, Derek Sheen, and Guests @ Blue Moon Tavern

Blue Moon’s Christmas Eve variety show has been running for more than a decade now. This year features the superbly named Butt Dial (think traditional rock band setup + a brass section + Coasters cover + good times), excellent Seattle comedian Derek Sheen, the Best Band from Earth (they have a song called “No One Circles the Wagons Like the Buffalo Bills” and sound like a demo from the Beastie Boys right after they decided to switch from punk to rap), another comedian named Hans Kim, a Hula-Hooping session from bartender Lyndsay Brown, and Satan in puppet form. Apparently, though, just about anything goes at a Blue Moon Christmas Eve. “One year I saw a guy on stage get buttfucked by a prostitute with a pool cue,” a bartender told me. “Too many questionable fluids going to different places,” another added. GRANT BRISSEY

JESUS ISN'T REAL, BUT THIS ALBUM IS

Wizdumb Record Release @ wizdumb.bandcamp.com

Tomorrow we celebrate the birth of a human being who convinced many people that he is the son of the creator of the universe (its stars, galaxies, black holes, bacteria—all of it). There is much debate about whether or not this person, named Jesus, even existed. We may never know. But what I do know is that tonight, the local producer/rapper Wizdumb is releasing his dark and beautiful dusty album Möstly Crëw. It features raps by Def Dee, Blak, and the LA underground pioneer The Nonce. Tonight, Möstly Crëw will appear in the ether of the internet, much like that star is said to have appeared in the sky above the manger. (The CD and cassette will be available on New Year's Eve.) Wizdumb’s beats are keeping the 90s alive and well. CHARLES MUDEDE

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FREE JAZZ IN THE KEY OF NOIR

Wally Shoup’s the renowned free-improv alto saxophonist who’s played with greats like Thurston Moore, Chris Corsano, Nels Cline, and Paul Flaherty. Known for his extraordinary lung power, control, and emotional range, the Seattle septuagenarian excels as both leader and sideman. He can rage with the best reed players around or go mellow and noirishly suspenseful with delicate subtlety. His Quartet’s filled out with three Seattle underground-music dynamos: pianist Gust Burns, bassist John Seman, and drummer Mark Ostrowski. Hard to believe these esteemed players can be experienced for free, but there you go. Celebrate Christmas early. DAVE SEGAL

Into the Woods @ Majestic Bay

The film's pacing is weird. Part of what's great about musicals, and especially this musical, is the pressure of complicated vocal and orchestral parts performed live. This rewarding tension is completely absent from the movie—for reasons both obvious and not. I mean, yes, a film is necessarily a recording and not a live performance, but director Rob Marshall has also added water to the soup. He cut a bunch of songs, which allowed him to slow down the remaining ones. The part where the witch raps about the vegetables in her garden, for instance, which is almost impossible to sing, which is why it's such a pleasure to listen to, because the whole time you're on the edge of your seat going, Is she going to spit out all the densely rhyming words correctly and in time with the orchestra?—that's gone. Now, that rap is interrupted with flashbacks and new orchestral filler. But, since Meryl Streep is doing the delivery, you hardly care. Of particular note: the way she delivers the words "chair," "rampion," "mollify," and "especially the beans." CHRISTOPHER FRIZZELLE

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Pajama Jammy Jam @ Crescent Lounge

It's Christmas Eve, the nog's got you feeling a little brave, and you just want to belt out some karaoke with a bunch of strangers in your pajamas. Boom! The Crescent lounge is your December 24 destination. KYLE FLECK