SL Letter of the Day: Pro-Love, Pro-Human, Pro-Reality


Dan's a bit of an asshole. Who knew?
And maybe because she's a 52 year old female?
It's not at all true to say that Savage has ever offered "encouragement for every writer who expresses an urge to scratch a kink, no matter how revolting it might seem."

There are lots of kinks that are a bridge too far for Dan: poop, animals, dead bodies. And even when a kink is not rejected out of hand, Dan has told kinsters who were looking for something so rare as to be almost unique that they may not find anyone who is willing to go there, so they have to settle.

So he's consistent on the false hope front. It's just that we're so immersed in a culture of telling people to believe "in themselves" with no regard for anything resembling the truth that anybody who dare speaks the truth gets called names. We don't know what else to do when the truth hits us upside the head except pretend we can control reality with our minds.

Wasn't the whole "scandal" of Benghazi that Obama didn't use positive thinking to apparate a squad of magical Call to Duty commandos halfway around the globe and save everyone? Not believing in the impossible is treason in the minds of Christian fundamentalist GOPers.

There are lots of people who don't buy into America's love of positive thinking. It's pernicious bullshit to tell everyone to believe their dreams will come true if their dreams are unrealistic. Right about here is where you're going to hear me plug the book Bright Sided.... you know the rest. Google it and so on.
Really? This was the most interesting exchange or letter you had to share today, Dan? A waste of your time to defend your answer to this person IMO; of course you can't guarantee anyone that they'll find someone. m
I'm gonna start sending my issue in again. Maybe you'll answer it.
Some people don't care for nuance or realism, but want nothing but the Power of Positive Thinking 24/7.

These people are a blight on society.
I'm completely with Dan here, but would add that for every single person, there are probably multiple people who could be their "round-up-to-the-one". But there are no guarantees that you connect with one of those people. Best chance of finding such a connection? Do all those things Dan says to do: take out personal ads, meet up with people, get out of the house.
@5 "I'm gonna start sending my issue in again. Maybe you'll answer it."

Or post it here, and we'll all pretend Dan posted it for our discussion.

Did someone suggest some panty sniffing? This party just. got. interesting.
Letter writer appears to be a worthless troll. Glad he has time in his busy schedule to troll one of the better most excellent people in our country. I eagerly look forward to the follow-up where troll explains his pro-love pro-human efforts that cause Dan's efforts to pale in comparison.

Okay @5, I agree that this made for a pretty disappointing SLLOTD. So what's your question already? I'll give it all my sass and smartitude in homage to Dan.
LW could always hire himself out to MRAs as a token White Knight.
@12 have you considered a career as a matchmaker?
FWIW, I met the love of my life at 52. Four years later we are madly in love
I'd go along with Dan.

I'm close to the age of the original writer. Thankfully, I'm happily married right now. But if I were to find myself single, I know that it would be much harder to attract a new partner and to learn to cohabitate with someone new than it was when I was 20 years younger. That's a natural downside of being past middle-age.

It doesn't guarantee that I'd be alone forever of course, but at my age—and the original LW's age—it could certainly be a real possibility.

I also have to add that if I were single, I'd be more content to live by myself at my age. When I was younger, I really felt a need to be in a relationship. I like the relationship I'm in now, don't get me wrong. But I'm also more comfortable with my own company than I was when I was younger. I no longer feel that desperate need to be partnered. (Although that might be because I have a partner.)
Some people find reality too terrifying to accept.
Yes Dan, where was The Sign?
Love comes from all quarters, engage with life.
As those in relationship or were in them, can attest- there's work to be done to maintain a close in love relationship.
Being without one, it too has its work. It's just a little quieter.
Enjoy stuff, have friends whom you love and who love you, get involved in a charity.
Someone who is desperate for love, is not really offering anything to find attractive. The desperation is all others see.
I could never be with someone who could be made miserable simply by being alone. Making sure you don't become that horrible kind of single person is beneficial to the project of finding someone worth being with (as in, not controlling or co-dependent, someone looking for an equal), but also beneficial if you don't find someone. It's a win-win; something every single person needs to do. You screw up often enough; this isn't remotely one of those times.
I'd find "there's a chance you might find someone, and you can be happy even if you don't" much, much more comforting than "you'll definitely find someone," because I'd know the latter was bullshit...
But Dan didn't say the LW was doomed to die alone, only that being alone was a possibility and that she should do her best to live a life that she can be happy with, even if she was alone.

And he pointed out that being contented alone is better than being miserable partnered but I wish we wouldn't act like being single is a curse, especially for women.
@16 yes, that's exactly how religion came about.
Didn't even resort to the whole "Yeah, but they asked for my advice and I gave it" logic.
If you want idiotic pablum, try LinkedIn.
Being lonely sucks, it is really fucking hard to keep putting yourself out there when you're hoping and praying to find the right connection and it isn't happening. The LW is on the right track though because she's doing activities that fulfill her; you can't find a healthy connection when you're desperate for it--it's like trying to catch a butterfly with a closed fist, just doesn't work. Love begets love--love your family, your friends, your pets and focus on the love you have rather than the love you don't. That way if you find a partner, great! More love! If not, it's not the end all be all because your life is full of other blessings .
What @19 said.
Quoth the idiot OP:
She wrote to you asking, will I be single forever? Will I ever again be in a relationship? You could see how much she was yearning for a positive sign. And instead of offering hope, you offered nothing.
SFMiP, you seem to have seriously misconstrued Dan's role as an advice columnist, which is to offer advice. He is not LASS's friend. It is not his job to spout relentless optimism. Most people write to advice columnists precisely because the columnist is detached enough to give the objective advice that friends will not provide. You want head pats and consolation? Post it on Facebook/ your blog.
My guess is that SFMiP is projecting here. S/he's the one who's "yearning for a positive sign" and looking for hope.

Clearly, SFMiP's characterization of Dan's approval of kinks shows that s/he's not a faithful reader.

LASS just asked a question to Dan, undoubtedly expecting Dan's type of advice. Why she had to be dragged into SFMiP's problems, we'll never know.
@20.. Agree.
I'm only here to add to the "I agree with Dan parade", and of course,
+1 to @4,@7 and @16.
Sounds like the letter writer hates kinksters.
Of course it's easier to realize most kinks than it is to find love! You can pay someone to act out a kink or find someone who is perfectly fine in bed as long as they don't try to engage in meaningful conversation; but finding a life companion is much more difficult!