My friend was dumped by her first boyfriend after six years. She promptly quit her job, moved out of their apartment, out of state, and is now staying with me. A few months out there is drama and hurt feelings between her and the ex, as well as his overbearing new girlfriend who continues to heckle my friend via text message. I recognize this is not my business. My question is how do I be a good friend in this situation? Most of the time she doesn't share with me, probably because I am not a warm person and have never experienced anything like this to draw from. When I ask her is she's okay she usually dismisses or deflects. I don't know whether to push, butt out, play the roll of the angry friend bad mouthing others, suggest a quick rebound, etc. I am lost. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Distressed Old Friend

My brief response—and two more quickies—after the jump...

You're letting this woman live with you and you've let her know that you're there to talk to, DOF, if she wants to talk. There's not much more you can do—actually, DOF, there's one more thing you can do: tell your friend to block her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend's phone number. Ta-da! No more crazy heckling texts from her former's current.

I'm a 37-year-old SWM. I've been married to my wife for ten years. Recently she asked if she could have sex with one of her female friends. I found the idea of her being intimate with others—men and women—VERY exciting. She now has plans to explore physical relationships with others outside our marriage and I couldn't be happier. Since she's expressed this interest it's been like when we first started dating: We can't keep our hands off each other. I tried to find info about this but only found "cuckolding," and I don't think I fit under that category since "cuckolding" seems to be about shaming and humiliating the husband. For me it's about the pleasure I get giving her the freedom to be with whomever she wants and the challenge of "competing" for her. Is this cuckolding? And if it's not, can you make up a name for people like me?

Sharing Is Caring

I don't have to make up a name for you, SIC. Google "hotwifing," which is the name for what you're doing/into, and "sperm competition syndrome," which is the name for the effect your wife's outside sexual contacts are having on you.

It's been a year and I'm not over my ex. It's not that I want to be with him—I fully accept that we are a toxic combination. (Sort of. Now that we're exes and forced to co-parent, we get along better than ever and are exceptionally considerate of one another.) I'm not over him because I keep trying to find a guy just like him. Not just like him, but just like the feeling I had when I first laid eyes on him.

The very first time was when I came across his profile on OKCupid. I literally exclaimed aloud to an empty room, "Holy fucking shit—no way!" I was so blown away by how hot he was. We agreed to meet at a pool hall. I was reading a book when he walked up to my table; remembering the moment when our eyes first met still has the power to make me swoon. Then there's his deep, throaty, Johnny Cash voice; the smell of the particular brand of Irish Spring that he uses; his taste. My rational self knows it not him, it's the feelings he inspires. So here I am, a year and more than a dozen dates later, waiting for lightning to strike twice.

I've tried "rounding up" and got a FWB-type arrangement out of, it but where's the passion, the insatiable need for that other person, if at least at the start? Even thee years into the relationship and with a new baby in the house, the ex and I still had sex nearly every day. The sex wasn't that great! But the smell and taste of him excited me.

Am I being unreasonable? Immature? Obsessive? I want that feeling again.

What Are the Odds?

You're not being unreasonable, WATO. There's nothing unreasonable about wanting to find someone who excites you the way your ex once did. What you're being is impatient. How many guys had you dated before your ex came along? How long had you been out there looking before that Johnny Cash/Irish Spring magic (?) walked into your life? Years, right? So keep looking, keep rounding up, and keep the wait until Johnny Cash/Irish Spring 2.0 comes along in perspective.

And now enjoy this completely relevant Louis CK bit:

It's amazing how well some people get along with their exes after they break up or divorce. People really seem to relax and enjoy each other once they let go of their expectations, once they're no longer trying to control each other, and once both are free to sleep with whoever they want. I sometimes wonder why people don't give that stuff a try—shitcan the expectations, stop trying to control each other, fuck whoever you want—before they get divorced.