Hey Dan, Longtime reader, first-time writer.
So I have two issues. One, the wife decided she wanted two kids even after I made clear I only wanted one. So now two kids on after she lied about the time frame of "being safe," we don't do anything. Partially cause she didn't want to get pregnant again, and mainly on my part, I don't trust her and am absolutely miserable given her deceit towards me. I was very clear on my kid want. She knew it. So I am constantly pissed internally and don't want to be around her.
On the second part, she demanded a vasectomy to make sure we don't have anymore kids. And yeah, she pretty much demanded it. I didn't want to do it. Opposed it. And was worried about the side effects that she and others kept saying, there are none. By the way, there are tons of them!
So, now, post vasectomy, I am in constant pain. Months after the operation. Seen the doctor who said it wasn't his procedure, it was me. Wife says it must be in my head. Going for a second opinion soon. But here is the real kicker: I did all this and the wife could care less and actually it has created even more issues in the marriage. Go figure.
I'm in constant pain. Everyone tells me it's me. Wife could care less and has actually ignored the issues. When I've told her about my pain and how I can exercise due to the pain, can't sit sometimes, can't even walk or stand still sometimes, she says either it'll go away or I'm exaggerating. That many other people had it done with no issues. Which of course makes me hate her even more.
So, what should I do?
No Catchy Name Here
The American Urological Association says...
The medical literature on post-vasectomy pain is comprised of poor-quality studies characterized by small sample sizes.... The opinion of the Panel is that the most important information for patient counseling is the risk of chronic scrotal pain which is severe enough to cause the patient to seek medical attention and/or to interfere with quality of life. The most robust study of this indicates a 0.9% rate of such a pain seven months after the surgery. Only three studies reported follow-up of three years or more regarding severe chronic scrotal pain after vasectomy. One group reported in a single-group retrospective study that at 4.8 years of follow-up, 2.2% of vasectomized men reported chronic scrotal pain sufficient to exert an adverse impact on quality of life. An additional group reported in a prospective single-cohort design with four years of follow-up that 5% of vasectomized men sought medical attention because of testicular pain. In the sole comparative study, at 3.9 years of follow-up 6.0% of vasectomized men reported pain severe enough to motivate the seeking of medical care compared to 2.0% of non-vasectomized men. The opinion of the Panel is that chronic scrotal pain severe enough to interfere with quality of life occurs in 1-2% of men after vasectomy.
You could be among the 1-2% of men who experience severe and chronic pain after vasectomy. (Print out the above, blow it up, get it printed on a bedsheet, and tell your wife to sleep on it.) Or, hey, maybe it's all in your head, NCNH, which would mean the resentment you feel for your wife is manifesting itself as chronic if psychosomatic scrotal pain. So divorce your awful wife and see if your balls stop aching. If they do, great—you're rid of your pain-in-the-ass wife and the pain in your balls.
And even if your balls don't stop aching, NCNH, you'll still come out ahead if you divorce—ball pain or no ball pain, you'll be free of your shitty, toxic, manipulative, and controlling wife.