Is Sen. Mark Schoeslers stache big enough to absorb the states carbon emissions on its own, without raising taxes? Would Rep. Frank Chopps subdued bristles stand up in a fight over Bertha costs?
  • Washington State Legislature
  • Is the 'stache of Republican Senate Majority Leader Mark Schoesler (left) big enough to absorb the state's carbon emissions on its own, without raising taxes? Would the subdued bristles of Democratic House Speaker Frank Chopp (right) stand up in a fight over Bertha costs?

I have spent a lot of time looking at these mustaches.

The one on the left belongs to State Senator Mark Schoesler (R-Ritzville), Senate Majority Leader. The one on the right belongs to Rep. Frank Chopp (D-Seattle), Speaker of the House.

Which one would win in a fight?

The one on the left stretches wide, right up to the laugh marks, a chestnut brown beast streaked with some sagacious gray. It goes slightly wild over the upper lip, suggesting prickly politics that aren't afraid to piss off Seattle-area lawmakers. In a very Ron Swanson-esque way, it's a 'stache that shouts, "Small government!" and doesn't want to raise taxes. It's also a mustache that will certainly pose an obstruction to Governor Inslee's Carbon Pollution Accountability Act, as Senate Republicans claim that Inslee's carbon tax on the state's biggest polluters contradicts his own campaign promises. But is Schoesler's mustache big enough to absorb the state's carbon emissions on its own, without taxing polluters? You decide.

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On the right, we've got Chopp's urbane stache. Tame and mostly salt, but with some pepper. Chopp's been in the game since the mid '90s, an incumbent's incumbent who knows how to keep his house facial hair in order. In early January, Senator Schoesler called out Chopp as one of the authors of Seattle's Bertha tunnel bill, suggesting that the Democratic lawmaker helped get us in the mess we're in now. If costs for the Bertha project spill into overrun territory, Senate Republicans may hold Chopp et al. accountable by referring back to a 2009 law stipulating that Seattle "property owners" would have to pay the bill. Would Chopp's subdued (but experienced) bristles stand up in a fight?

Vote for the best mustache below.