Where to Eat Out For Thanksgiving

HumpArtsSex

The 14th Annual HUMP! Film Festival Opens Tonight in Seattle!

The 14th Annual HUMP! Film Festival opens TONIGHT at On the Boards! Both of tonight's screenings are sold outthe entire opening weekend is sold out—but here's a pro-tip: you're chances of getting in to a sold-out screening are better at the start of the festival than they are at the end.

You know how they're always telling us that this election is the most important election of our lifetimes but this year it's really true? Well, we're always telling you that this year's HUMP! is the best HUMP! ever but this year it's really true. The HUMP! Jury was blown away by the hilarity, hotness, diversity, and quality of this year's films and we can't wait for you to see them. Next weekend's screening are selling out—if you don't want to miss the best HUMP! ever, get your tickets now!

Continue reading »

The Missing Rant, the One-Penis Policy, and the Aromantic Angle

1525120010-1516999045-savage-letter-of-the-day-stamp-2018.jpg

Recent Savage Love Letters of the Day: He's 32 and single and has no kids—is he broken? A letter writer makes me look up "limerence." A straight boy wonders how common his ex-girlfriend's kink might be. And pantie bliss (for him) is pantie hell (for her). And, as always, last week's column and Savage Lovecast.

First, on (my lack of) ranting:

Continue reading »

Savage Love: Floored

nov1_savage_pelvic-floor_mag.jpg
JOE NEWTON
I'm a 40-year-old married straight woman. I gave birth to our first kid in 2015 and our second earlier this year. My perineum tore and was stitched both times. I have not been able to have sex with penetration since having our second child. My OB/GYN said I'm "a little tighter now" due to the way the stitching was performed. My husband is very well endowed and I can't imagine how on earth I'm ever going to get that thing back in me, let alone enjoy it. We have a history of pretty hot sex and I really miss it. I've been searching online for some sex toys to help me. I've never used sex toys before. I've always been able to have thrilling orgasms easily without any devices. I still can with manual stimulation. But I want to have sex with my husband. I'm confused and I just don't know what I need to help me open back up and get through the pain. Please help!

Thanks In Advance

Continue reading »

Pantie Bliss (For Him) Pantie Hell (For Her)

1525120010-1516999045-savage-letter-of-the-day-stamp-2018.jpg

Please help! My husband and I severely divided over sex! Panties are a huge turn on for my husband. He wants me to wear them most of the time we have sex. I don’t like lingerie. Sex feels so much better for me without the underwear. I’m willing to do it for him, but he wants me to like it too. Would it be a libido killer to trade off on panties/no panties every other time we have sex? I just don’t see him going for this.

Panties Are Not That Interesting, Ever, Sorry

Continue reading »

Sponsored

Etsy meets Comic Con at GeekCraft Expo, a Handmade Mega-Market for Nerdy Crafts

Gifts for geeks! Support your local nerds by shopping 100+ local crafters & makers offering the most unique and absolute geekiest handmade goods on the planet! And on Sunday, you can enter to win free tickets to an advance screening of the upcoming Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse from Sony Pictures!

Pre-register now for FREE via Eventbrite; otherwise, admission at gate for 13 & older is $2 per person (12 & under are free).


Never Gonna Be Speaka Again Now

Remember this? October 8, 2016? The day after the Access Hollywood "grab 'em by the pussy" tape broke?


I'm talking about 2:48 to 3:02. Yeah. I was reminded of those 14 seconds
when I read this...

Continue reading »

Straight Boy Wonders How Common His Ex-Girlfriend's Kink Might Be

1525120010-1516999045-savage-letter-of-the-day-stamp-2018.jpg

I'm a straight guy and I had a girlfriend a while back who was very into sucking my cock after it had been in her pussy. This was not something she did to just please me—though it did please me very much—and she was not bi or into other girls. It was her primary source of enjoyment and became central to our sex life, though not during her period which neither of us desired. I did some Googling and came up with the term P2M (pussy-to-mouth) for this act and there were very few hits, though there are many for the anal version.

So I have a two-part question:

1. How common is this kink/desire/act? I'm guessing a lot of guys would love for their female partners to do P2M, but how many women are OK with it? And how many women are INTO it like my ex-girlfriend?

2. Is it OK for me to initiate P2M during sex with a new partner? Should it be negotiated beforehand? Should it be rolled out carefully as one would with an unusual or extreme kink? I've had a girl ask me to taste my ejaculate, which was no problem. Can I casually ask for P2M, assuming I will respect a 'no' answer?

Straight Boy Lacks Clever Acronym

Continue reading »

Two Quick Questions to Start the Week

1525120010-1516999045-savage-letter-of-the-day-stamp-2018.jpg

I have two my questions that I’d really love your opinion on.

1. If limerence is similar to an addiction and we know that it doesn’t last forever, would we not naturally want to seek out that feeling with another partner once it runs out to get that feeling back? Could that prove that humans aren’t naturally or biologically monogamous?

2. During my first sociology class in college, my professor said something I have never forgotten. “No one is 100% straight or gay.” As I’ve done more research on the “spectrum” or continuum of sexuality, I am wondering if my professor is right about that. Does everyone fall somewhere on the in between of the scale? Meaning, are there people who are actually 100% straight or gay, or could anyone fall in love with anyone, male or female?

I hope my questions make sense. I would love to know your thoughts.

A.

Continue reading »

He's 32 and Single and Has No Kids—Is He Broken?

1525120010-1516999045-savage-letter-of-the-day-stamp-2018.jpg

I've been spending a lot of time lately thinking about myself and my sexuality and my romantic self. I can log into Grindr or Sniffies and find someone to fuck easily. I'm a bear built top guy. There are ladies in my life that choose to share their beds with me. I can find subs to tie up and torture. What I can't find is a long-term partner.

The problem, I've found, is that after I fuck/sleep with/torture someone, my brain stops seeing them as sexual and moves them into a friend category. I have friends that I used to fuck regularly, that now it's a chore to get it up for. Sure, the sex still feels good, but it's not passionate and when it's all said and done, they're still in the "friend" category in my brain. Some of them have suggested being more, trying to become partners, but I recoiled from the suggestion. There's nothing wrong with them, but they're friends... not potential partners.

I'm 32, and my siblings are married and having kids. The people I grew up with are married and having kids. And here I am not able to find a long term significant other. Am I broken? Should I just accept that for me, sexual partners and domestic/romantic partners will always be separate?

Always Alone?

Continue reading »

Bombing Suspect Arrested

Spoiler alert: this doesn't appear to be a false flag operation run out of Elizabeth Warren's guest bathroom on George Soro's dime using bombs assembled by Kathy Griffin's elderly mother. NYT:

DqciNmXWsAAQQwc.jpg
Federal authorities made an arrest on Friday in connection with the nationwide bombing campaign against outspoken critics of President Trump, a significant breakthrough in a case that has gripped the country in the days leading up to the midterm elections. A law enforcement official identified the suspect as Cesar Sayoc Jr., 56, of Aventura, Fla., just north of Miami. Mr. Sayoc, a registered Republican, has a lengthy criminal history in Florida dating back to 1991 that includes felony theft, drug and fraud charges, as well as being arrested and accused of threatening to use a bomb, public records show.

His van is a rolling MAGA hat:

Continue reading »

Savage Love: Meow and Forever

oct25_savage_kitten-play.jpg
JOE NEWTON

Hi, Dan: I am a homosexual young adult seeking advice about kitten play. I find it very intriguing, and I'm wondering where to start. It's a turn-on when someone calls me kitten, but I'm not sure how to express my kink or desire for kink play to the person or persons I am into. Any advice would be appreciated.

Constructive Advice Thoughtfully Sought

Hi, CATS: I am a homosexual not-so-young adult without much advice to offer where kitten play is concerned. I've encountered plenty of gay puppies in the wild—at various leather/fetish events—but I've seen only one fetish kitty in my lifetime, and she was a queen. (A female cat is called a queen, a male cat is called a tom, and a group of cats is called a glare. #TheMoreYouKnow!)

Continue reading »

When the Wife Comes Out, When the Dog Comes at You, When the Liar Lies...

1525120010-1516999045-savage-letter-of-the-day-stamp-2018.jpg

Recent Savage Love Letters of the Day: A timeless warning about donkey punching, a whole May Day Parade's worth of red flags, a dad with two mistresses (and one angry daughter), and a letter-writer who asks, "Dude, where's my libido?" And, as always, last week's column and Savage Lovecast.

Regarding Personally Feeling Fearful Today:

Continue reading »

Why Not Donkey Punching?

1517598297-1516999045-savage-letter-of-the-day-stamp-2018.jpg

Originally published October 26, 2006.

I'm working with Wikipedia, where we're currently debating the "Donkey Punch." It may not be real, but Wikipedia has articles on perpetual motion, sewer alligators, and creationism—why not Donkey Punching? The difference, though, is that the Donkey Punch (fucking someone in the ass and then punching them hard in the back of the head or neck, so that the sudden pain and/or unconsciousness causes the asshole to constrict spasmodically) is short-term dangerous. Therefore, some editors have said the article should specify just how risky and possibly even criminal it is.

A statement about the physical and legal risks of the Donkey Punch, although we may think it self-evident, must come from a reputable source. And who's more reputable than Dan Savage? So, yes, even though this is a stupid, brutal hoax whose risks and fraudulent nature should be readily apparent, and even though the Wikipedia article already quotes your description of it as "a sex act that exists only in the imaginations of adolescent boys," could you spare a few lines to say that punching someone in the back of the head or neck when they're not expecting it can cause horrible damage and may even be criminal?

An Encyclopedia Geek

Continue reading »

Headline of the Day

Chicago Tribune:

How sex columnist Dan Savage became an issue in a suburban congressional race

How'd that happen? Read about it here—spoiler: I am a bad, bad man—then go make a donation to Dem challenger Sean Casten's campaign here.


When "He's Lousy In Bed" Is the Least of Your Romantic Troubles

1525120010-1516999045-savage-letter-of-the-day-stamp-2018.jpg

I am a 48-year-old straight cis gendered single mother to three young kids. I’m strong, independent, fierce, and tend to be pretty street smart from hard life experience—evidently smart except when it comes to love. I'm divorced, help my now disabled ex whenever I can, and more than anything, want a loving, passionate, solid, honest relationship.

I was in a relationship with a man for a year, whom I met through a popular online dating app. Part of what attracted me to him was our difference: I'm a highly educated white collar professional. He's a very rugged blue collar man from the Deep South (no high school education, spotty work history). He's very charming, highly articulate, strong, and physically beautiful. So I fell. Hard. He opens doors for me and says things like, "Yes Ma'am." (Swoon).

He asked me to marry him, told me he wanted to grow old with me, that I am “the One,” he met my children, met my mother and brother, he stayed at my house frequently, all the while telling me I was the only one. He denied, repeatedly, that there was any other woman in his life on the occasions I asked. But he never answers his phone when I call, he rarely answers text messages, he has never once answered an email from me. He says he is almost always unavailable because of “work” and his “mother’s demands” for his time for help on her "farm." He almost always no-shows on me, leaving me up all night waiting for him. At times, I housed him, fed him, and cared for him. I always loved him unconditionally. I'm GGG, kinky, and very, very sexually experienced. He has little interest in sex and even less skill. Red flag, I know. But holy shit Dan, I don't want to be alone.

Continue reading »

My Father Has Two Mistresses

1516999045-savage-letter-of-the-day-stamp-2018.jpg
Sorry about the lengthy email, but it's a soap opera of a story.

Six weeks ago, my dad moved out of my parents' home without a word to anyone about why. Two weeks ago, I found out via pictures on Facebook that my dad was having an affair. I was a little late to the party — my mom's sister had figured it out a month before I did, and my mom had been told (by her sister) a couple of weeks before I found out. He claimed to my mom it was only an emotional affair (we didn't believe him, but my mom did), and I tried to stay out of it while they worked things out.

This morning, everything blew up. Mistress #1 Facebook messaged me, upset, because my dad broke up with her last night. She called him a pathological liar and said he'd been dating other women while dating her. I wrote her back saying I knew about the affair with her, but was skeptical of her motives at this point. She then provided me with proof: pictures of them, romantic texts/emails, hotel receipts, a screenshot of his online dating profile, the works. Plus contact info for mistress #2. I called Mistress #2 and she confirmed everything. She talked about specific Christmas presents he gave me last year that she picked out, and both mistresses knew intimate details about our lives.

Now I'm at a loss. Until my dad moved out, I thought he was the best husband in the world. My dad and I have had a slightly strained relationship for years, but he always treated my mom like she was gold (and she is gold). Trips, flowers, surprises, romance — throughout my 28 years of life my parents were an example of a ridiculously happy and loving couple. When I found out about the first affair I asked my aunt if my parents were still physically involved (retching as I asked the question). She confirmed that they were; she said my mother's sex drive had gone down due to menopause, but that "it was important to her to make him happy" at least once or twice a week.

I guess my question is, what can I do? I just got off the phone with my dad and warned him the lid was off and he had to come completely clean with my mom, today, before his mistresses blabbed to more people. He blew up at me but eventually agreed to do it.

As a faithful reader/listener I know that this is their business and that monogamy isn't always practiced perfectly, but this seems beyond the pale to me. It's not one hand job on a business trip after 30 years of perfect monogamy. The more I learn the deeper this goes, and I suspect we still don't know everything yet. The couple of times I've tried to (calmly!) talk to my dad about this, he accuses me of attacking him baselessly and tells me to stay out of it, but it's literally showing up at my front doorstep now.

What can I do? I feel like my faith in two people working it out for the long haul has been shattered. I have one 26-year-old brother who's publicly poly, so this is not a case of him not knowing about open relationship models or waiting to initiate divorce until all the kids were out of the house. I feel so lost.

Help Enraged Daughter In Distress With Harrowing Adulterous Troubles

Continue reading »