We Are Killing the World: Moving on Plastic

We banned plastic bags in Seattle—after a long, protracted fight that saw defenders of plastic bags claim that reusable canvas bags would kill us all in a last-ditch effort to stop the ban—but it's time to move on to all the other unnecessary plastic crap, particularly unnecessary plastic packaging that winds up in the oceans. The Guardian:

Microplastics have been found in some of the most remote and uncharted regions of the oceans raising more concerns over the global scale of plastic pollution. Samples taken from the middle of the South Indian Ocean—at latitude 45.5 degrees south—show microplastic particles detected at relatively high volumes. Sören Gutekunst, from the Geomar Helmholtz Centre for Ocean Research in Kiel, who analysed the samples, said the data showed 42 particles per cubic metre, which was surprising given the remoteness of the area.... More than 8m tonnes of plastic enter the ocean every year. Recent research has shown that billions of pieces of plastic are snagged on coral reefs, sending disease rates soaring.

They're just starting to do something about it in the Netherlands:

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Savage Love Letter of the Day: Maybe It's Not the Gay Scene? Maybe It's You?


I moved to the West Coast from the Midwest over five years ago to jump-start a career and to immerse myself in gay culture. It might be worth noting that I’m originally from a small town with no gay culture or gay visibility. I’m fairly shy and introverted when meeting new people. Despite my timid tendencies, I bravely stepped out into a world I knew nothing about and I jumped into the thick of things in my new home. I went to all the gay bars, clubs, events and other various places alone when I first started exploring the gay scene. At first, I tried to introduce myself to various people and connect with guys at bars hoping I would make some long-lasting friendships and create/adopt a chosen family. I had this silly notion in my head that when I moved to the city that I would find this loving, open and welcoming community that I heard about from other gay men. Well, that wasn’t really the case for me.

I find myself constantly reaching out to other gays to hang or go out with, but never receive the same invites in return. I sometimes see groups of these friends out and it pains me to see them all out together, especially when I'm alone. Although I have “friends” in this city, almost all only say hi when they see me in public and I then never hear from them otherwise. My closest friend even told me that he doesn't like doing the same things I do, which is why he didn't hang out with me on my birthday. I also quickly found that most gay social groups are firmly established and found it extremely difficult to find/create a circle of friends to belong with. I thought maybe I’m in the wrong place, so I switched gears and left behind the lies, drugs, and shallowness I found in “the scene.”

I tried to connect with “mindful” gays in various activities outside bars and have tried to volunteer to fill my time. Despite all my attempts, I feel like a failure because I don’t connect with other gays. I spend most of my time alone because everyone I reach out to say they already have plans, which I'm never invited to. After years of being used and tossed out like yesterday's cum rag, I am finally at a breaking point. I have even started resenting being gay. Sometimes I feel as low as I did in middle school. I really would like to make gay friends, but I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong.

Whose dick do I have to suck to be invited out?

Seeking Emotional Assistance Through Tough Love& Empathy

I'm going to be blunt, SEATTLE. If you're not in the right place—emotionally—to handle some bluntness, don't click that big blue "continue reading" under this paragraph. If you were hoping to hear me say something along the lines of, "Gay people suck, Seattle sucks, and sucky gay people in sucky Seattle suck the worst," don't click that big blue "continue reading" under this paragraph.

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Savage Love: Quickies

Joe Newton
I recently stumbled on an Instagram account of a young woman who's a "knife play" enthusiast. I consider myself sex-positive, but I must say I was disturbed by the images. I was also shocked that I didn't know this was a thing! But of course it's a thing cuz everything is a thing, right? I don't want to outlaw it, and everyone has a right to their kinks, I guess, but I'm so wigged out! I guess I don't have a question here besides wondering what you think about it. Ick!

Can't Understand This

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Savage Love Letter of the Day: A Fetish Too Far


I have a wonderful, loving, sexual, caring girlfriend, who I just discovered has an interesting fixation: she fantasizes about, basically, eviscerating me—cutting me open, feeling and tasting what's under the skin, "crawling inside" of me. It doesn't seem to be a sex thing, more loving/endearing, and she has no stated desire to actually DO this stuff, just fantasize about it. I have no problem with this (find it fascinating actually), but unfortunately when she tells me about it (and the details she tells me are pretty graphic, but I know it's much more so in her head) I have a purely visceral reaction of utter revulsion. My skin crawls, I get pretty creeped out, and kinda want to vomit.

She's made it clear she's never been able to talk about this with anyone else, so I think it's pretty awesome that she feels that comfortable with me. And I do NOT want her to feel shamed; I certainly have plenty of kinks/quirks that some others wouldn't dig. And I LIKE hearing about what makes her tick, and I want her to be comfortable sharing, cause it's clearly enjoyable and relieving to her. But good god it freaks me out in that purely gut-reaction kind of way.

Do you possibly have any suggestions for how I can deal with this?

Anonymous And Hopeful

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Savage Love Letters of the Day: Friday Afternoon Twofer


Whenever I taste my own load, I feel a slight tingling or numbness in my mouth. Is this an allergy to blast-off broth and is it normal? For what it's worth, I'm not endangering my health, since I don't taste my own tipdrip very often; it's just a curiosity. I also haven't tried anybody else's pocket-rocket fuel, only mine. I've marinated in the maidenade from a dozen or so pussies, and savored at least one squirt, and I didn't experience this "problem" then. So what gives? There's too much to for me to swallow here without your help. Have YOU ever felt tingly from a spermsicle?

Jizz Ejaculate Spooj* Semen

* To show my liberal cred and allyship, I'm adopting Tony Kushner's spelling from the Angels in America text.

Abuse yourself all you like, JESS, and do whatever you want with the runoff from your self-abuse. But leave the poor, long-suffering, much-abused-of-late English language alone, please. I'm a fan of neologisms myself, of course, as everyone knows. But there was no need for and there is no excuse for "blast-off broth," "tipdrip," "pocket-rocket fuel," or "spermsicle," JESS, and if "maidenade" catches on and comes into wide usage, well, I will turn this column around and go home. That said...

Some people are allergic to semen—yes, even their own—and some people have mild reactions to the taste, including a numbing sensation; there are proteins and enzymes in semen that can cause an allergic reaction. But your allergy could be far worse, JESS, so count your blessings.

A bonus email exchange after the jump...

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Savage Love Letter of the Day: Reader Advice Round-up


Recent Savage Love Letters of the Day: A guy who laps it up, this woman's boyfriend sent a Valentine to her ex, a straight guy wants to know how to hook up with a lesbian, and a letter and relationship that both should have ended a lot sooner than they did. And, as always, last week's column and Savage Lovecast.

For Please Don't Print My Name:

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Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Ex Philes


I am torn and have been for about one year & six months to be exact. My now ex-boyfriend is friends with all of his exes. While I understand & respect that people can be friends with their exes, he seemed more involved than friendship. I don't mean sexually, but emotionally.

When I first started dating him, he would talk about his ex girlfriend ALL the time. Everything that reminded him of her, he would tell me. He told me he has pictures on his phone and wouldn't delete them. He would tell me what he was sending her (memes, articles) and what he was sending to her sister. They had been together for five years. I got the sneaking suspicion he wasn't over her.

At the beginning of our relationship—about six months in—he gave me his phone one day to watch Netflix. I decided to break trust and found texts to her. He texted her almost daily to ask her to lunch, to tell her how amazing she was, and to be emotionally supportive of whatever problem she was having. I confronted him about it and asked if she knew he was dating me. He said no. He agreed after monumental kicking & screaming to tell her about me but he was more concerned about hurting her than understanding what this meant to me and for us. I found out later in the same breath he told her about me he also complained about me to her and her response to him was to be quite encouraging of our relationship, his and mine. She even suggested he take me to a concert. He responded by putting me down. As our relationship continued...

I'm gonna jump in here because I wanna ask... why did this relationship continue past the six month mark? At that point your now-ex-boyfriend had revealed himself to be an insensitive clod who had to be prompted to even go through the motions of pretending to care about you. That his ex encouraged him to focus on you and take you to a concert or something could be read as kindness on her part—a kindness she showed you—or it could be read a sign that she was praying her ex-boyfriend's new relationship would take off so that he would stop harassing her on a daily basis. You could've and should've dumped him then, PDPNM.

Back to your letter...

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ICE Is a Terrifying and Faceless Federal Agency. Here’s the Face of the Guy Who Runs the Seattle Office. Fuck Him.


"ICE is out of control," goes the headline at Slate. "Donald Trump's ICE is tearing families apart," goes the headline at the New Yorker. "ICE wants to deport the caregiver of a 6-year-old paraplegic boy," goes the headline at Daily Kos. "ICE targets sanctuary cities, arrests 33 in Northwest," goes the headline at NPR.

Reading these stories, we learn that ICE just arrested a 55-year-old chemistry professor in Lawrence, Kansas, who's lived in this country for 31 years and has three children, all of whom are American citizens; according to the Washington Post, he was arrested on his front lawn in front of his children, and his wife was threatened with arrest if she tried to hug her husband goodbye. We learn that after ICE moved to deport a married man in Arizona who now has five children, one of whom has leukemia, the father was forced to take refuge in a church with his ailing son. We learn that ICE denied an appeal from an Ohio man who is a specially trained caregiver for a 6-year-old paraplegic boy who depends on his care. We learn that ICE ordered an HIV-positive gay man in Miami deported to Venezuela, a country in a state of economic collapse; since the man won't be able to get the medications he needs to keep him alive, his deportation amounts to a death sentence.

Every day ICE rounds up more and more law-abiding but undocumented residents of the United States, many of whom were brought here as children. "ICE made a hundred and forty thousand arrests last year, an increase of thirty per cent compared to the year before, and the number of so-called non-criminal arrests has doubled," reports the New Yorker about Trump's first year in office.

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Savage Love Letter of the Day: A Straight Guy's Guide to Hooking Up With a Lesbian


Hi Dan, huge fan. I'm a straight male in my late 20s. I've found myself in a situation that I never would have even considered before I started reading your column. I met a girl on Tinder and after arranging our first date, she admitted that she's gay and is in an LTR with a woman. She's a college student in her early 20s and has never slept with a guy before. She says she's gotten permission from her girlfriend to have sex with a man because she's curious what she may be missing out on. I'm open to this. It's a good arrangement for me, but I don't want her to get into something she'll regret later. Honestly, I've always been attracted to women who look "butch" so this is pretty hot to me (maybe that's clouding my judgment?). I don't have any plans to turn her straight, but I do want to make sure everyone has a good time. Is this even a good idea? If so, what can I do to make the experience as comfortable and as fun as possible?

Wanted A Date Didn't Anticipate A Proposition

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Savage Love Letter of the Day: My Boyfriend Sent His Ex-Wife an E-Valentine


My boyfriend of eight years sent his ex-wife an e-valentine. The picture was of a heart that said "You Are Loved." Isn't that weird? They don't have kids together. I guess I don't understand because I haven't been married and this is my longest relationship thus far. He said it wasn't romantic, just supportive, but the fact that he sent it on Valentine's Day is just... too much.

I'm tired of being yelled at and nagged and this on top of everything else feels like a breaking point. I got into therapy and had my first appointment recently, and my next appointment is in a week and a half. I am in a bad position in that my job offers too few hours for me to be able to support myself and the hours make a second job very difficult to find. I'll probably have to find a new job on top of everything and I don't know how that will be because I have depression/anxiety and breaking up will mean losing my health insurance (and medication) on top of everything else because I get it through him. I've been going through my things and sorting out what to take to the thrift store in case I do need to move out so there will be less to move.

He also screams at me a lot, like: When I was overcharged at an auto shop and didn't sort it out right then and there (I did eventually sort it out, but not thanks to him screaming in my face about it.) I emailed him the next day about it, to say it's okay if he was irritated with me, but how he was screaming at me was not okay, and he just dug in more. I told him screaming at me like that was abusive, and he didn't write back after that.
Another example: When I cut my hair, and he didn't like the new haircut. (I was giddy and excited about it when I got home, he saw me and screamed at me until I cried—that was last year.)

I can talk to my sister about it, and she thinks I should move out. I have a group of online friends I can talk to, and they told me he is being abusive.

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Jay Inslee Rips Into Trump at the White House

Good job, Jay! And you gotta love how Trump immediately calls on the governor of Texas after Jay gets through pounding home the stupidity of Trump's plan to arm school teachers. It's like a toddler reaching for his security blanket during a thunderstorm—except in this case, the toddler is the president, his security blanket is the gun nut governor of a blood red state, and the thunderstorm is a blue state governor calling BS. As for what this means for the rest of us: We are so on our own if that 9.0 hits while Trump is in the White House. FEMA is gonna be like, "Washington state? Familiar with Washington D.C. but never heard of no Washington state." (And, yes, Katie already put this up. But it's worthy of two posts!)

Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Boy Who Lapped It Up


Originally published July 3, 2008.

Okay! I'm a bisexual woman who dated this amazing, beautiful, bisexual guy who was a bartender at the Gay 90's in Minneapolis. (Shout out!) Obviously it didn't bother me that he liked men, but the thing I just could not tolerate was that after he would come on my stomach he would lick it alllllllllllllll up!!! OMFG I almost threw up every time! I never said anything, because I'm not one to knock someone's kinks. But I'm dying to know if this is a gay thing or did he have some type of protein deficiency?

Jizzed Upon In Minneapolis

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Tweet of the Day: They're MR-15s Now

We have a winner:

Runner up:

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Governor Bondage & Blackmail Taken Away in Handcuffs


Eric Greitens, the Republican governor of Missouri, campaigned on "family values." Because of course he did. But earlier today Greitens was indicted by a grand jury for taking nude photographs of a woman with whom he was having an affair. Because of course he was having an affair. It's not illegal to have an affair or take nude photographs of a woman—at least not yet—it is illegal, however, to take those photos without the woman's consent and then blackmail her by threatening to release the nude photos online if she ever tells anyone you were fucking her behind your wife's back.

Take it away, Kansas City Star...

Gov. Eric Greitens was indicted Thursday afternoon by a St. Louis grand jury on a felony charge of invasion of privacy. The charge stems from a 2015 affair and allegations that he threatened to release a nude photograph of the woman, taken while she was blindfolded and her hands were bound, if she ever spoke publicly about the affair.... The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported after news of the indictment broke that Greitens was seen being led down a hallway in the local courthouse by several St. Louis city deputies. Officials later confirmed Greitens was taken into custody and then booked at the St. Louis Justice Center.

Greitens was led away in handcuffs today, according to eyewitnesses, prompting Republicans in the state legislature to renew their calls for Greitens to resign:

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Savage Love: Bi & Biphobia

Joe Newton
I'm an 18-year-old female. I'm cisgender and bisexual. I've been in a monogamous relationship with my cisgender bisexual boyfriend for about a year. I'm currently struggling with a lot of internalized biphobia and other hang-ups about my boyfriend's sexuality. I don't know if I'm projecting my own issues onto him or if I'm just being bigoted towards bi men, but either way, I feel truly awful about it. But when I think about the fact that he's bi and is attracted to men, I become jealous and fearful that he will leave me for a man or that he would rather be with a man. (I've been with men and women in the past; he's never been with a man.) I know it is unfair of me to feel this way and he's never given me any real reason to fear this. We have a very engaged, kinky, and rewarding sex life! But I worry I'm not what he really wants.

This situation is complicated by the near certainty that my boyfriend has some sort of hormonal disorder. He has a very young face for an 18 year old, a feminine figure, and not a lot of body hair. He orgasms but he does not ejaculate; and although he has a sizable penis, his testicles are more like the size of grapes than eggs. He struggles a lot with feeling abnormal and un-masculine. I try to be as supportive as possible and tell him how attracted to him I am and how he'll get through whatever this is. But he can tell his bi-ness makes me nervous and uncomfortable. I think that because he appears more feminine than most men and is more often hit on by men than women, I worry that he would feel more comfortable or "normal" with a man.

I don't want to contribute to him feeling abnormal or bad about himself. How do I stop worrying that he's gay or would be happier with a man? I feel horrible about myself for these anxieties considering that I'm bi too, and should know better.

Anonymous Nervous Girlfriend Seeks Tranquility

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