I have problem that I’m sure you heard before yet feels very unique to me. I am a late-30’s lesbian married to a late-30’s lesbian and we have a child together (elementary-aged). My wife and I are both good, kind people, we get along well, we both love each other (even if we don’t always like each other), and yet… we are not a good match. We both agree that we got married to young (25) and too soon. We have had therapy, individual and together, and come to a place where it is pretty clear that we are not a good “fit.” My wife has asked for a separation, which I agreed to. We are doing an in-house separation, which essentially entails splitting our bedroom down the middle, splitting finances, and setting a pretty concrete responsibility schedule. Two weeks in, and she says that she “doesn’t want to rip the bandaid off, but probably should," i.e., divorce. Honestly, I don’t know exactly what will happen.
Continue reading »
So here’s the question: I agree that we would be better off apart from each other, as individuals. But we have a daughter. I would be fine on my own with our kid, but am horrified at the thought of doing one-week-on, one-week-off, or really anything similar, with this child whom I adore. I want to be a daily part of my daughter’s life. My wife wants 50-50 time, but doesn’t care as much about specifics. She (my wife) likes the idea of living together as “family,” moving to a 3 bed-room house, until the kid is older. In theory, I like this idea. It makes sense. Wife also says she can’t imagine life without me in it. However, I am fine without my wife, but a mess when she’s around. All of this just hurts too much. We’ve discussed opening the relationship (she has a much higher libido than I do), but she doesn’t want that. So, essentially, I am stuck with… I can (a) see my daughter daily and live with my potentially-soon-to-be-former-wife/new-housemate (probably better for kid) and be an emotional wreck, or (b) split custody, be better emotionally re: wife, but miss out on half my daughter’s life and be upset about that. Or are there a (c) I’m not seeing? (a) and (b) both break my heart, albeit in different ways.
Don't Use My Real Name