Thomas Rawls before he got derailed.
Thomas Rawls before he got derailed. courtesy Corky Trewin/Seahawks

Well, that was no fucking fun.

As bad as that Seahawks game was on TV, I can assure you it was worse in person! Not only did I have to watch the Seahawks lose 9-3 (NINE TO FUCKING THREE) while getting heckled by Rams fans without being able to distract myself by petting my dog, or bitching about the garbage officiating on Twitter, but I had to do it while sweating a whole bunch. The heat, you guys, I suffered through it for you. It was very hot.

AND! If that wasn't enough, before the game even started, the Red Hot Chili Peppers christened the return of the NFL to Los Angeles with their trademark brand of yelling nonsense punctuated with specifics about California. It was awful. Adding to the effect was the worst sound mix I've heard at a public performance. You know that feeling you get doing karaoke where a song is way longer than you realized, so you either have to bail or over-commit? I got to see Anthony Kiedis do both of those things in a three-song performance with his own songs. Brutal.

But not as brutal as the football that was to come!

Let's break down the brutality of this Seahawks loss by separating out the many bads from the weekend's few goods:

BAD THING 1: Let's not beat around this: the Seahawks offense is a mess right now. 15 points in two games? That's terrible! Not nearly enough points! High-level analysis here: score more fucking points and stop being terrible.

That specifically goes for free agent offensive linemen J'Marcus Webb and Bradley Sowell who are just awful. They're really bad. The rest of the line? They're not good either. But those first two dudes? Woof. Russell Wilson playing behind these dudes on a bum ankle? Messy. A gimpy Thomas Rawls running behind these jokers? MESSY. BAD AND MESSY.

The offense will be better when Russ running is a threat again and he has some rapport with Paul Richardson and Jimmy Graham. But for now, sheesh. And even then, not the juggernaut we were hoping for after last season's run.

GOOD THING 1: The Rams and Dolphins represent two of the three hardest defensive lines the Seahawks will face this season. No more of this shit going forward. Well except for in two weeks when we play the Jets and then down the stretch when we play the Rams again... This is not a very good good thing. Let's move on.

BAD THING 2: The officiating! The Seahawks got nailed on two of the softer offensive pass interference penalties you'll see outside of Super Bowl XL highlights. They were really, really soft. Also, why are you watching those highlights? Those highlights are terrible. Stop it.

The first of these calls came on a complete pass to Lockett and was particularly heinous and costly. I'm still mad about it, now when you're reading this. I'll be mad about it for days. I'll tell my children about my rage related to this call. Look at this Vine I saw via Nathan Ernst, realize one of these was an Offensive Pass Interference, and the other was a no-call, and try not to Hulk out:

So awful. You might think the NFL wanted to treat the fans in L.A. to a win in the first game back in the city. And I won't stop you from thinking that! Pete Carroll wants the truth also!

GOOD THING 2: I could criticize the defense for being less than perfect, but really as bad as the offense has been, the D has been just as good. Yes, they have yet to force any turnovers, and their pass rush was limited in the first half, but they've given up 19 points in two games. Richard Sherman is as dominant as ever, and save for two really bad penalties, they dominated this game against the Rams.

I want to draw particular attention to defensive linemen Cassius Marsh and Frank Clark. They're an increasingly important duo for the Seahawks, that functions together in the pass rush much as Reed and Rubin do against the run and Avril and Bennett do on every down. They now have what would have been five sacks in two games between them if it weren't for a stupid penalty. Stupid, stupid Cassius Marsh penalty. Even the good things this weekend are so bad!


BAD THING 3: The Cardinals throttled the Buccaneers by a whole bunch of points, meaning the Seahawks gave back the week one edge they opened up their primary division rival, and Arizona QB Carson Palmer is not yet broken as we might have hoped. Oh well!

GOOD THING 3: The Seahawks will be okay. The line will probably be crappy for a while, but otherwise the team will be fine by their week 6 game against the Falcons.

BAD THING 4: Except maybe not? Because Thomas Rawls, Doug Baldwin and Tyler Lockett all took minor-seeming injuries on Sunday. If any of those injuries linger that could be bad news for an offensive unit that needs some damn good news.

GOOD THING 4: Good news like: the Seahawks get the 49ers next. The Seahawks have owned the 49ers of late, basically responding to them in the exact opposite way they respond to playing the Rams. Also, the last time the Seahawks played a team coached by 49ers Head Coach Chip Kelly, they basically broke the city of Philadelphia. This is exactly the matchup the Hawks want to get back on track.