Everyone has indulged in an awful celebrity memoir now and again. For whatever reason, some self-destructive part of our brains really cares what, say, William Shatner was feeling on 9/11. Tonight, a bevy of local authors (including Maria Dahvana Headley, Laurie Frankel, Peter Mountford, and The Stranger’s own Queen of Oversharing, Cienna Madrid) read passages from the worst celebrity memoirs of all time for “the coveted Golden Thighmaster award.” Plus: drinking games! It’s all for charity—826 Seattle and Powerful Schools benefit—so the empty calories are guilt-free for one night only. (Jewelbox Theater, 2322 Second Ave, www.jewelboxtheater.com, 7 pm, $5, 21+)