Finally, somebody's figured out how to make literature competitive and, therefore, sexy: Literary Death Match is a nationwide literary shoot-out that brings the blood sport to books. Re-bar hosts a boozy hand-to-hand battle between three authors (in this case Aaron Dietz, playwright Kelleen Conway Blanchard, brand-spanking-new Stranger Genius Stacey Levine, and Chumbawamba lead singer Danbert Nobacon). Three judges (All About Lulu author Jonathan Evison, former Arrested Development writer Maria Semple, and some douchebag named Paul Constant) will crush the losers' writerly dreams and elevate the winner to eternal glory. (Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, 233-9873. 8 pm, $8 adv/ $10 DOS, 21+.)

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