For your semiprivate delight, tours of the sculpture park by members of The Stranger staff (each limited to the first 15 comers): Lindy West will speak only in the words of anonymous internet comments about the sculptures. David Schmader: the Guess-When-He's-Lying Tour. Jen Graves: critics it up. And Charles Mudede? He's hosting a game of Find the Hidden Black Man in the Dark at the Park. Seriously. Plus happy hour and great music from the Decibel Festival with Filastine and Lusine. (Olympic Sculpture Park, 2901 Western Ave, 654-3121. 8 pm–midnight, $10, 18+.)