Just in case air guitar wasn't supremely and unabashedly superdork enough for you, a bunch of bored and girlfriendless Japanese men went and invented "air sex." That's right, AIR sex—fully clothed humans simulating sexual activities with invisible partners, usually in an exaggerated manner, set to music. A bunch of crazy Texans grabbed this trend by the invisible balls and ran with it, inventing competitive air sex, where contestants are judged on costume, planning, and, well, plain "sexiness." The number-one rule is that climaxes are 100 percent simulated—and anyone who accidentally creams their jeans is automatically disqualified. It sounds horrifying and magical. I'll be in the front row. (El Corazón, 109 Eastlake Ave E, 262-0482. 9 pm, $10 adv/$12 DOS, 21+.)