What is the opposite of funny? Dane Cook, the peerlessly unfunny and monolithically successful "comedian" who performs tonight at KeyArena. Cook's awesome ability to steal material from other, better comedians (Louis C.K., Emo Philips, and others) is matched only by his ability to de-funny even these pinched bits. What Applebee's is to food, Dane Cook is to comedy: adamantly unimaginative, thoroughly second-rate, and mysteriously popular. Justice buffs should pillage their rotten-vegetable arsenals and prepare for battle. (KeyArena, 305 Harrison St, www.ticketmaster.com. 7 pm, $30–$100.)

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