(HIPHOPERA) The Brown Derby crew—infamous for their fast-and-loose staged readings of everything from Showgirls to The Exorcist—take on R. Kelly's epic tangle of sex, cops, sex, midgets, cheating, sex, and sex. They will perform all 12 released episodes of Trapped in the Closet, plus what they claim to be the as-yet-unreleased 13th episode. Featuring Ian Bell, Imogen Love, Nick Garrison, Sarah Rudinoff, Cory Nealy, Kirk Anderson and Evan Mosher of "Awesome," and others. (Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, 233-9873. 8 pm, $10, 21+.)