OPENING THIS WEEK

2.5 MINUTE RIDE · A Contemporary Theatre

CLOSETLAND · Sand Point Naval Base

ISO... (IN SEARCH OF) · Northwest Actors Studio

THE ROVER · Theater Schmeater

THE SMELL OF THE KILL · Intiman Theatre

THE TAMING OF THE SHREW · Wooden O Theatre

ONE WEEK ONLY

SPIN THE BOTTLE · Annex Theatre

CLOSING THIS WEEK

THE HOUSE OF BERNARDA ALBA/CROCODILE EYES · Freehold

THE SCANDAL! · New City Theatre

UNDER THE GASLIGHT · Empty Space

OPENING AND CURRENT RUNS

2.5 MINUTE RIDE

Lisa Kron's acclaimed monologue about amusement parks, Auschwitz, and Internet romance. See Stranger Suggests. A Contemporary Theatre, 700 Union St, 292-7676. Sun-Thurs at 7:30, Fri-Sat at 8, matinees at 2 (call for dates). $23-$42, $10 for 25 and under. Through July 30.

*ALL ABOUT MEDEA

An original comedy about backstage hijinks at a drag production of Medea. "The play is light, charming, smart, sexy, and always in the twilight of saying something profound or falling apart into laughter." (Charles Mudede) Re-bar, 1114 E Howell, 323-0388. Fri-Sun at 8, $12. Through Aug 6.

BANG THE DRUM SLOWLY

Third-string catcher gets fatal disease, star pitcher helps him cover it up so he can stay with the team. Sounds maudlin to me--but I never played baseball with my dad as a kid, so latent hostility must be coloring my perceptions. Seattle Theatre Project at the Union Garage, 1418 10th Ave, 382-4250. Thurs-Sat at 8, Sun at 7; $15. Through July 15. Reviewed this issue.

THE BOUFFANTS

Big wigs, pop songs. Cabaret de Paris, second level of Rainier Square, 1333 Fifth Ave, 623-4111. Thurs at 8, Fri-Sat at 8:30; $16 for just the show, $42 for dinner too. Through Sept 30.

CLOSETLAND

Radha Bharadwaj's play about an anonymous woman tortured by an anonymous interrogator. Sensitive viewers are warned that the production contains graphic simulated torture. AJ Epstein Presents at Sand Point Naval Base, 7400 Sand Point Way NE, 325-6500. Thurs-Sun at 8; $15, $9 students/seniors. Through July 30.

THE HOUSE OF BERNARDA ALBA/CROCODILE EYES

Two plays look at the same tale of sexual repression in 1930s Spain from different perspectives. Presented by the Ensemble Training Intensive. See Bio Box. Freehold, East Hall Theatre, 1525 10th Ave, Second Floor. Thurs-Sat at 8, Sun at 7. Admission by donation. Through July 9.

*INTELLIGENCE

The latest play by Scot "Sgt. Rigsby & His Amazing Silhouettes" Augustson, about a gay man blackmailed by the State Department into getting information out of a visiting Russian physicist. "A solid and tight piece, peppered with enough clever plot twists and dimensions to satisfy and surprise the most seasoned (read: jaded) audience member." (Adrian Ryan) Annex Theatre, 1916 Fourth Ave, 728-0933. Thurs-Sat at 8, Sun at 7; $12 regular, $7 students. Through July 15.

ISO... (IN SEARCH OF)

This Fringe Festival favorite is all about sex, though I find it hard to believe they'll live up to their lurid press photos. Burnt Studio Productions at Northwest Actors Studio, 1100 E Pike St, 324-6328. Opening gala Fri July 7, $15. Fri-Sat at 8; $10, $8 students/seniors. Through July 29.

LATE NIGHT CATECHISM

"While non-Catholics will find Sister's pathological disdain of chewing gum and broken rulers amusing, members of the faith will find it hilarious." (Adrian Ryan) A Contemporary Theatre, 700 Union St, 292-7676. Thurs-Sat at 8, Sun at 2; $24.50-$29.50. Extended for eternity.

*MEDEA, THE MUSICAL

The Greek tragedy Medea presented as a gay musical, also featuring backstage shenanigans. A big hit in San Francisco and L.A. "A comedy with lots of laughs, music, and flamboyant acting, but it wants to do much more than simply entertain us--it also wants to address feminist concerns within the context of contemporary queer theater." (Charles Mudede) ArtsWest Theatre Company, 4711 California Ave SW, 938-0339. Thurs-Sat at 8; $18-$22. Runs for as long as they can milk it.

THE ROVER

All-girl production of woman-written 17th-century swashbuckler, performed in the parks. See Stranger Suggests. Theater Schmeater in Volunteer Park, near the Conservatory, 324-5801. Opens Fri July 7. Fri at 7, Sat-Sun at 2; FREE. Through Aug 5.

*THE SCANDAL!

"Kristen Kosmas is a remarkably restrained performer.... If her voice wasn't so clear and listenable one could almost accuse her of muttering.... the scandal! is a solid show from a mature, confident performer, and deserves to be seen." (Tom Spurgeon) Created in collaboration with Paul Willis. New City Theatre, First Christian Church, 1632 Broadway, 328-4683. Thurs-Sat at 8; $10-$12. Through July 8.

THE SEAGULL

"How nice it would have been if Printer's Devil had incorporated its use of setting [the Kalakala ferry] to greater effect.... As it is, Printer's Devil's The Seagull sails a safe and staid course, crewed by the company's highly satisfactory actors--its destination a fine evening of deck-top theater, with no real view of the stars." (Traci Vogel) Printer's Devil Theatre at the Kalakala, 2555 N Northlake Way (NOTE: street parking only), 328-2690. Wed-Sun at 8, suggested donation $10-$15. Through July 21. (NOTE: No performances Thurs-Sun July 6-9.)

THE SMELL OF THE KILL

Three women discover their husbands are trapped in a meat locker, can't decide whether or not to leave them there. Featuring the woman who is doubtless sick to death of being known as the former cruise director of The Love Boat, but a career credit like that just won't quit. Intiman Theatre, Seattle Center, 269-1900. Opens Wed July 12. Wed-Sun, call for times; $23.50-$42. Through Aug 5.

THE TAMING OF THE SHREW

Bitchy girl submits to backhanding smartass. Misogynist parable? Feminist subversion? Decide for yourself. See Stranger Suggests. Wooden O Theatre at the Mural Amphitheater in Seattle Center, 931-3516. Sun July 9 & 16, 5 pm; FREE.

UNDER THE GASLIGHT

"It's hard to believe any theater company in the year 2000 would produce a two-hour Carol Burnett sketch and attempt to pass it off as a celebration of a discarded theatrical form." (Tom Spurgeon) Empty Space, 3509 Fremont Ave, 547-7500. Tues-Sun, times vary; $18-$26. Through July 9.

DANCE

No dance events this week that I know of, so I'm going to take this opportunity to remind the dance community that press releases should be sent in at least two weeks in advance. Since dance events often run for only one weekend, the earlier you let us know the better. Who knows, we might do a preview article about it.

FESTIVALS, CABARETS, & COMEDY

HOKUM'S RAGTIME NICKELODEON REVUE

Professor Hokum W. Jeebs returns with an evening of ragtime, silent cinema, classic vaudeville, and the big sounds of the mighty 1929 WurliTzer Theatre Pipe Organ. "I felt somehow like we were fireflies raising our tiny lights into a shimmering chorus, sharing our voices before descending into the inevitable darkness." (Tamara Paris) Hokum Hall, 7904 35th Ave SW, 937-3613. Fri-Sat at 8; $12 general, $10 student/senior, discounts available. Open-ended engagement.

JULIE CASCIOPPO EXPERIENCE

"Cascioppo has confidently tossed schmaltz, a Casio keyboard, a couple of exhausted-looking wigs, naughty banter and... songs you thought you hated into a furiously agitating blender. The cocktail concocted goes down shockingly smooth." (Tamara Paris) Pink Door, Pike Place Market, 1919 Post Alley, 443-3241. Tues at 8:30 & 11. No cover.

THREE DOLLAR BILL

"Like most disreputable arts, standup now offers a more compelling product for its lack of adoration. Billed as a gay- and lesbian-oriented show, Three Dollar Bill also works as a low-cost current comedy primer." (Tom Spurgeon) Comedy Underground, 222 S Main St, 628-0303. Tues at 8. $6.

LATE NIGHT

CLAUSTROPHILIA

Morbid play about Edgar Allen Poe and his child bride by S.F. playwright Amy Freed, whose The Psychic Life of Savages was a recent hit at the Empty Space. Annex Theatre, 1916 Fourth Ave, 728-0933. Fri-Sat at 11 (no performance on July 7); $5, free if you see the prime-time show. Through July 14. Reviewed this issue.

JET CITY IMPROV

Improv comedy and music based on audience suggestions. "The show goes down really smoothly. One only wishes for better direction." (Tom Spurgeon) Ethnic Cultural Theater, 3940 Brooklyn Ave NE, 781-3879. Fri-Sat at 10:30; $7, $5 with student ID.

SPIN THE BOTTLE

Annex's monthly late night smorgasbord, this month featuring the Habit, Sgt. Rigsby & His Amazing Silhouettes, Paul Budraitis, Jason Trachtenberg, smutty stories, and ever so much more. Annex Theatre, 1916 Fourth Ave, 728-0933. Fri July 7, 11 pm; $5.

THEATER SPORTS

"The only improvisational show I've ever seen where the women performers were clearly better than the men--a welcome change from the over-aggressive scene-stealing of many male-driven troupes." (Tom Spurgeon) Market Theater, 1428 Post Alley, 781-9273. Fri-Sat at 10:30, $9; Sun at 7, $5.

CALLS

Centerstage in Federal Way is holding auditions on Mon-Tues Aug 7-8 for two fall productions, including an adaptation of Little Women. Call 253-661-1444 or e-mail centerstagetheatre@yahoo.com for further information.

Civic Light Opera is holding auditions for the musical 42nd Street on Mon July 10. Performances in September. Call 206-363-4807 for scheduling and information.

Queercore, a program of Gay City Health Project, is looking for writers for an original play about gay and bi men under 30, entitled If These Queers Could Talk. Call Robert at 860-6969 for more information.

Seattle Public Theater holds Summer Theatre Day Camps for kids, starting on Mon July 10; programs range from grades 3-12. Workshops held at the Bathhouse in Green Lake; contact Lauren Marshall or Alexis Chamow at 328-4848.

A short comic film seeks male and female actors in their 20s to 40s for a shoot in late August. Send headshot and resume with cover letter to: Dave Monks, Beautiful Filmed Entertainment, 3612 Whitman Ave N #4, Seattle, WA 98103, or e-mail beautifulfilms@aol.com.

Village Theatre Evolving Artistic Masters (VTEAM) seeks young actors/singers/dancers under 20 for a production of The Boyfriend. Call 425-392-1942 for an audition appointment. They're also looking for a choreographer, lighting designer, and costume designer, also under 20.