I'm so ashamed of that title, I'm going to leave it there just to spite myself.

In honor of St. Valentine's Day, GreenStage (Seattle's premiere Shakespeare-in-the-park company) is making a very special offer. For $75, an actor "dressed in Shakespearean costume will be available to surprise loved ones with sentiments of love from the Bard." It's like a singing telegram. Except with a sonnet—plus a rose and chocolate—and a period costume.

So imagine, if you will. You're at home with your lady or your fella, maybe on the couch, maybe getting a little... you know. And the doorbell rings! Who could it be?

Maybe it's this guy:


Or one of these people:


Or one of these:


And they're all: "Verily, goode personnne of indeterminate pronoune, I come to recite a sonnet," blah blah blah. You get the idea.

Let's pretend you bought this for your beloved. What happens next?