Well, it happened. I opened The Stranger today, a normally pleasant and uneventful experience. But upon flipping to page seven I was met with horror and dismay. ICYMI. First paragraph. Do you see it? I do. Cats is the worst musical of the last 50 years? Excuse me? What kind of fuckery is this? No plot you say? Did you not know that Rum Tum Tugger is a Curious Cat? Have you been to the Jellicle Ball? Well, let me enlighten you. Shitloads of cats. They're dancin'. And they're singin'. If that's not brilliant enough for you then I don't know what is. And in case you didn't notice, there's also flippin', flyin', and tap dancin' too. I have a Gumby Cat in mind (I know you don't) and her name is Jennyanydots. Only one good song you say? Let’s assume you’re referring to a certain heartfelt ballad. Well, I’m sure that Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer would beg to differ.

Did you not know that most of the lyrics were written by T.S. Elliot, beloved poet, Harvard graduate, and Nobel Prize of Literature winner? So what, is T.S. Elliot not good enough for you now? I see how it is. You guys are acting like you don’t even know that there was never a cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistofolees.

By the way, nice shady way of quoting audience opinion. “It doesn’t stop, said 'someone' afterward." Someone said it alright, and that someone is you. To make matters worse, you had to give a big pull quote about audience members seen leaving the show. A generic observation with no real metrics or context. Nice cheap shot—I’m sure all the Jellicle Cats, including Rum Tum Tugger, Magical Mr. Mistofolees, and Old Deuteronomy appreciate that one. Well guess what? Months ahead of time, I couldn’t get tickets to any performances. Luckily my own cats, Florence and Frasier, were able to get a couple tickets and gave them to my wife and I for Christmas (but we still couldn't even sit together—single tickets only). Everyone around me was happy and having a Jellicle time and no one was leaving.

Let's review. Shitloads of cats. They're dancin'. And they're singing. But if that's not good enough for the almighty Stranger, then by all means continue to mock and criticize innocent Jellicle cats that just want to hang out and do Jellicle things. By the way, look what happened to Grizabella the Glamour Cat. The glamour of The Stranger won't last forever. One day no one will care about The Stranger any more. And then your fashionable and glamorous day in the sun will only be a Memory. When a new day begins, you'll regret ever having picked on the Jellicle Cats.

Aaron Shepherd

Editor's Note: Hey! We said the upcoming Cats holiday movie might be OK!