[Note: Did you invest all of your money on beef jerky and orange Tang in anticipation of the apocalypse that was guaranteed to befall us on New Year's Eve? Or on presents for every member of your extended family this holiday season? Or did you blow it on booze? Any way you blew it, The Stranger feels your pain! We do! This week's Diversions calendar is dedicated to free activities and volunteering to mend your broke soul.]

Friday 1/14

Martin Luther King Jr. Day is on the horizon, and the Seattle Center will host a series of events to make a gesture to a true American prophet. Tonight will celebrate the martyr for justice with gospel, blues, and jazz. Seattle Center House Mainstage, 8-11:30 pm, free.

Invite an expert into your filthy house to tell you that you're living in a complete sty! The American Lung Association's team of Master Home Environmentalist volunteers are offering to send someone to your home to inspect how polluted it is. Studies show that nine out of 10 Americans don't realize it can be more polluted indoors than out-of-doors, and that 10 out of 10 people live indoors! Call 206-441-5100 to schedule a MHE visitor.

Saturday 1/15

Commune with animals at the Woodland Park Zoo, which is recruiting volunteers to greet zoo visitors (ooh, ooh, ooh) and help out with zoo events (aawk, aawk). If you are a success, they'll train you to be a docent (rooaaarrrrr). You animal, you! The Woodland Park Zoo, call Gigi Oglivie for information, 684-4838.

Sunday 1/16

Consult an expert on your dirty laundry in a workshop given by the Seattle Institute for Sex Therapy, Education, and Research. The workshops are held monthly and are facilitated by a sex therapist or researcher. Pre-registration is required, you animal you, so write 100 NE 56th St, Seattle, 98105 (include SASE), or call 522-8588.

Monday 1/17

Be an expert on family communication and children's friendships. This is not a venting session for holiday maelstroms, and the testing pool is quite specific: Couples must be married, living together, and have a four- to five-month-old child who attends daycare/ preschool at least six hours a week. If y'all fit the britches, you could even earn $150 for 10 hours of time! Hot dog! Family and Friends Project at the UW, 616-4015.

Few people loved life -- his own or ours -- more than Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., and fewer have mobilized the minds of so many to direct human progress in the righteous direction. His insights into the human character were brilliant, and his ability to communicate them (orally and gesturally), divine. Bless him in his legacy. To do so collectively, people are gathering at 10 am to march from Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial Park (MLK Jr. Way and S Walker St) down to city hall. Also, Seattle Center House Mainstage offers a "Peace and Prayer Brunch," 10 am, followed by a noon performance by the Alvin Ailey Dance Troupe II, free.