DIY DUCT-TAPE SIGNAGE ON THE FREEWAY

We were cruising down I-5 near the exit for Highway 18 when your DIY bumper stickers stunned us. We hoped to GOD that you were just one of those dogs that drive cars sometimes in photographs. But no. When we drove by, we saw that you were a human being. Sleepy-eyed. Overalled. Elderly. Had you rolled down your window to engage in a little highway conversation, we would have asked who "she" is, and we guess you would say, "Shrillary." But the absence of a clear referent—and you must know this—makes everybody think your real political disagreements with Clinton stem from something silly, like misplaced anger for an ex-wife. We also would have asked who you mean by the "silent majority," because right now the polls don't suggest a "majority"—silent or otherwise—in favor of Donald Trump. At least duct tape and poster board rip off easier than bumper stickers.

THAT IS NOT SOMETHING WE EXPECTED TO SEE AT SEATTLE ART FAIR

You were at Seattle Art Fair, sitting on a bench, and you were showing so much crack that it seemed possible you were doing performance art. Everybody else, after all, was all dressed up after having paid the $20 admission fee. You instead came as you were—or your ass did, anyway. Maybe you didn't even know your ass had come as it was. It was appreciated in that sea of sparkle.

WE SAW YOU WEARING A BENGHAZI SHIRT AT CHE SARA SARA

We were sure that you were a tourist, because nobody wears a shirt like that in liberal Seattle. We were eating our pasta at the Pioneer Square Italian restaurant, and turned around and saw that stupid shirt on you. We had to resist the urge to speak as loudly as possible about how we couldn't wait for Hillary Clinton to be president and how all this Benghazi nonsense would finally stop. But instead, we just drank our table wine and talked about the weather.

LOVING KATE MCKINNON IN THE U-DISTRICT

Last Tuesday, we felt it was time to see Ghostbusters again (no, not the dumb original, the hilarious reboot, silly) and headed to Sundance Cinemas for the 8:10 p.m. show. Yes, it's a little out of the way, but Ark Lodge's last showing was at 7, and you wouldn't expect us to set foot in the Meridian, would you? Little did we know it was "Girls Movie Night Out" at Sundance, which means that if two or more women attend a screening, tickets are $6 apiece (as opposed to the usual $12.50). This meant that the auditorium was full of women—only two dudes in the house, by our count—which is the best imaginable way to see the movie. Laughter, applause, finger snapping, and emotional responses abounded—for one cast member in particular. Move over, tattooed new person from Orange Is the New Black. Kate McKinnon is clearly the iconic pansexual crush object of summer 2016. If you can look past the condescending-ish name, Girls Movie Night Out is a fantastic time.

TWITTER TROLLER HAS NO LIFE

We saw you trolling the #EnoughSeattle hashtag after the Women's Commission hosted an event about online harassment because apparently you have nothing better to do on a Wednesday night. As women journalists, politicians, and activists shared stories of being called "cunt" on the internet, the audience used the hashtag to share highlights from the event. You all, meanwhile, shared feedback like "What about the men who suffer from abuse that women cause" and, from user Hillary KKKlinton, "Whining about 'online harassment'? Bitch, log out." Thanks for proving our point for us.

DRINKING WITH A SMALL DOG ON CAPITOL HILL

You wandered in and out of Saint John's on a Monday night carrying a small dog and ordering drinks and then leaving your drink on the bar and wandering away again. We're not sure if you were celebrating or just having a night, but you were smiling. You wandered up to two women who were working on their laptops and clearly hoping you wouldn't try chatting them up. "Here's to the women of the world," you slurred. "I don't know how you put up with idiot men like me."

MIDDLE-OF-THE-NIGHT ASSHOLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET

It was 1:20 a.m., and you—a thirtysomething man in blue jeans and white tank top, listening to music on your phone—were stopped at the corner of Denny Way and Bellevue Avenue, even though the light was green for you. Then, when the light turned red, you started walking across Denny. Denny is a busy street. A taxi was traveling west and the driver leaned on his horn as you got in his path. You didn't even look at the vehicle while flipping him the bird. Congratulations on executing one of the biggest asshole-entitlement moves we've ever seen.

NOT YOUR TYPICAL MAKE-OUT MUSIC

It was getting late, about 12:45 a.m., in Chop Suey's Den in the middle of the week. The DJ put on the very weird and minimal 17-minute "Klingklang" by Kraftwerk. Near the beginning of the song, we saw you, two men in your 20s sitting at the bar, begin to kiss. You smooched for a very long time. It must have been true lust/love, because "Klingklang" is far from ideal make-out music. The DJ later said he counted this PDA soundtrack experience as one of his career highlights behind the decks.