I don't like Valentine's Day.
I realize that puts me on a bit of an island, but the "holiday" has just never felt very good to me. Did you know it has historic roots in a Roman tradition of drunk, naked men slapping women with parts of dead goats and dogs? I'm not into blood or bestiality, so I'll pass on that. The modern corporate iteration—with its emphasis on depressing single people and pressuring everyone else into buying stuff—isn't much better.
It's not like I have a choice, though. Valentine's Day is here to stay. Plus, I have a girlfriend of five years, a girlfriend I adore, so I have to get her something. And since we live in weed-friendly Washington, there's a Valentine's Day gift possibility that most people don't have: pot chocolates.
Pot relieves stress and can help people have more satisfying sex—what's not to like? If you hear "weed chocolate" and you think of the nasty homemade weed brownie given to you by your college friend Kevin, think again. Washington's weed edibles are high-end, made with high-quality ingredients. Since I'm naturally a skeptic of Valentine's Day, and since my girlfriend, Brittney, likes chocolate more than I do, I enlisted her help in conducting a little taste test.
We started with two peanut-butter cups made by Proper Chocolate ($10.50 at Hashtag Cannabis in Fremont), which are not actually chocolate cups but rather two little chocolate rectangles stored in a classy paper sleeve. They are filled with peanut butter, contain five milligrams of THC each, and are topped with an edible text that says "Proper Chocolate."
Brittney was impressed with the packaging and design: "These definitely are the most intriguing design-wise, because in a way they don't look like food at all. They look like little sculptures, very cute and discreet." She added, "It's not too sweet. I was kind of worried that it would be too sweet."
Next up was a milk-chocolate truffle made by Swifts ($7 at Dockside Cannabis in Sodo). The little truffle was infused with 10 milligrams of THC, and it was a hit. "It's very satisfying and rich, kind of like a chocolate mousse," Brittney said.
Next was a dark chocolate made by Seagoat Cannabis Company ($5 at Dockside Cannabis). These handsome chocolate squares are embossed with the imprint of a goat and a swirl of blue color. Each square has 10 milligrams of THC. Brittney thought these were the most luxurious: "It's a bitter dark chocolate that melts in your mouth," she said. "Very tasty."
We finished with some matcha-flavored white chocolates made by American Baked ($35 for a bag of 10 chocolates at Hashtag Cannabis). These have the least attractive packaging, as they come in a big plastic envelope. But with a bit of creativity on your part, each individually wrapped circle of chocolate could be put into a cute little bag or box.
Brittney thought the green chocolates were "appropriately colored," but she wasn't as big a fan of the flavor. "If you're a white-chocolate lover, you are going to love this. It's a lot heavier on the white chocolate side than the matcha tea side," she said. These matcha chocolates were also the only chocolates with any hint of weed flavor; the other three didn't taste anything like pot.
Keep in mind how small of a dose each of these chocolates are. If your valentine enjoys consuming pot, one of these chocolates probably isn't going to give a strong buzz. A regular toker won't feel much. After four chocolates, Brittney said she mostly felt sedated. Make sure you buy plenty of chocolates, or add in some other cannabis, if you're looking for strong effects.
Most importantly, though: How did I do? Do weed chocolates suffice for a Valentine's Day gift?
"I think it's a great addition to any Valentine's Day gift. If it's in addition to something else," Brittney said.
I guess I'll get back to shopping.