Virginia Woolf vapes. Cassandra Swan

Virginia Woolf

When suffered to choose my favorite new strain of weed to recommend, I went from one to the other holding my sorrow—no, not my sorrow, but the incomprehensible nature of this our life. Some people go to priests, others to poetry, I to my friends, to my own heart, and to my budtender. In paraphernalia I seek something unbroken, yet rolling papers do not adhere, joints unravel in the wind, and last week the bong Leonard bought shattered like so many shells on the front lines in France. I wander among fragments for something unbroken—yet cannot grasp even that. Having said that, I'm pretty stuck on the Pirate's Eye vape pen by Kalapooya Fire. I wonder if it's waterproof.

Sponsored
Judge Doug North, a Proponent of Diverting Non-Violent First-Time Offenders into Treatment Programs, is Endorsed by The Stranger
Click here to see what people are saying about Judge North.

Paid for by Committee to Reelect Judge North, P.O. Box 27113, Seattle, WA 98165

Alexander the Great

All I can say is that when I had smoked the last bud of the crazy high-CBD strain called Dancehall and felt the breadth of my intoxication, I wept, for there was no more weed to smoke.

Oscar Wilde

The smoking of pot and the smoking of pole, both long criminalized and reviled despite being perfectly fine ways to spend one's time, are now legal. It's a bit unfair for us unfortunate martyrs who died without ever knowing the sweet taste of state-sanctioned hedonism, but I've been making up for lost time. As with people, it is absurd to divide cannabis into good and bad. Cannabis is either charming or tedious. I hereby throw my considerable weight behind a killer strain known simply as Anesthesia. It's super sedative and contains a crazy amount of crystals. The guys in prison love it.

Gertrude Stein

Because nobody really lives who has not been well written about it falls to me to extol the virtues of the strain of weed that is called Super Glue because it is super but it is not glue and though it is not glue it does stick to your fingers and breaks off in nugs that give you an ether-strength high and Picasso forswore ether after finding Wiegels hanging from a rope tied to the ceiling beam in the parlor and embraced the inferior high of opium and if a man an automatist a painter cannot distinguish one from another he should try Alice's brownies.

James Baldwin

Upon encountering Acapulco Gold, one cannot fail to be struck by its ochre hue, a memorable if unsettling variation from the flower's emblematic verdancy. Inhalation of the smoke, however, instantly banishes all visual misgivings, engulfing the lungs with a warm gratitude for the profound potency that soon spreads to every corpuscle, as water spreads to fill the container into which it is poured.

Sappho

Great. "NYC Diesel." Real funny, guys. It's awesome and everything, but do you think we could get through one of these without a lesbian joke?

Charles Nelson Reilly

XJ-13 is sooooo strong... [How strong is it?!] XJ-13 is soooo strong that if you smoke it before you appear on a game show, you're liable to [BLANK] yourself silly!

Whitney Houston

Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't smoke weed (though if I did, I'd be "saving all my love for" the sweet citrus flavor of Tangie).

Support The Stranger

Socrates

Worthless people live only to eat and drink. People of worth live to bask in the insane dankness of the classic Pacific Northwest strain known as Romulan. Examine that shit.

Sponsored
Seattle’s Earshot Jazz Festival returns October 16 through November 8
The all-digital festival features one-of-a-kind performances and panels streamed straight to you.