The EMP Pop Conference returns to its namesake architectural wonder April 16 through 19 (the event is free, but you should register to ensure getting entry). This year’s overarching theme is “Get Ur Freak On: Music, Weirdness, and Transgression.” Seattle music critic/publicist/raconteur Chris Estey rose to the challenge with a paper titled “Her Greatest ‘Hits’: The Top Songs of Dominatrixes While They Work,” which he’ll present Friday, April 17, at 2 p.m. This is a rarely explored subject worth probing. I asked Estey some questions about his submission and what sort of songs whip up excitement for dominatrixes.
What drew you to the subject of dominatrixes’ favorite working music? And how did you, uh, come into contact with them?
Chris Estey: A woman had me tied up and was whipping me with her long hair, hard, and I realized, “Wow, she’s really digging this Depeche Mode she’s been playing for the past hour or so.” She was on the verge of singing along to it, but was kind of restraining herself. I asked her why she was so into it, and she expressed how much the music was important to her. She told me excitedly about how DM leader Martin Gore had an open Dominance and submission relationship with a woman, which is unique for a celebrity, or a musician, or for any regular citizen: to be that open about their D/s lifestyle. I’d known Dominant women for decades in the music scene (lots of punk ladies I knew worked all kinds of situations) but never thought about what choices they made in these scenarios. Many women who are employed in sex work don’t have much choice in what they listen to, but it seems intrinsic that Dominatrixes should, you know?
I used to work as a bouncer downtown for years in a non-music setting, but I played punk and noise and even happy weird music to soothe my nerves, connect me to others, and sometimes amp myself into handling potentially dangerous situations. I knew how important it was for me to have a boom box with my own favorites nearby, and I doubt I would have even worked those jobs if I didn’t at least occasionally have a choice in the music I listened to. So after a discussion with this extraordinary woman, I realized how much she needed that ego reinforcement, that spiritual-physical reflection of her own needs in our scene, too. It’s why I named my PR company “Big Freak,” which is a Betty Davis song about Ms. Davis beating Jimi Hendrix “with a turquoise chain” (I was her publicist for the first two Light in the Attic reissues, and respect the punk-funk goddess greatly).
In the ’90s, during the very mindful sex-positive peak years in alternative art and culture, I would ask people about their favorite music for my fanzines. I would ask everyone from Stranger writers to local musicians and included the more prominent writers or artists who happened to be sex workers (such as the editors of WHAP!, a popular underground magazine about females being dominant in domestic relationships). These women were very enthusiastic about sharing their playlists. You could tell that they were interested in introducing a little awe or fear or simply respect, and building narratives in sound with their partners or clients into an immersive space. (And also using music to help themselves relax, as well as their scene partners, too, if they chose to.) They were basically balancing pleasing themselves with providing a deeply profound sensory experiencefor their partners and clients. So this idea sort of carried with me into my own relationships, and I realized how much we all have in common: When we work, we all want to listen to music we enjoy. Also, when we are part of a sexual world, even if it’s not fully sex (dancing at a venue, or being whipped at a club), music plays a great role in that, too.
But how much of our own music can we really listen to? Dominatrixes have a really hard job, providing a world for other people to submit to, using sight, touch, feel, and of course sound. Can they actually listen to what they want? After all, people are paying a lot of money for this experience and may have opinions, even when they shouldn’t. I chose the paper as a topic to find out how much control they really have in what they listen to, personally, and I thought others might like to know as well.
Please name a few of the doms’ favorite songs and the reasons they were popular, if you could, without spoiling your presentation. Did you discern a common thread among the choices?
Depeche Mode is a big one, for sure. Siouxsie was apparently a fierce muse for many young ladies who grew up into desiring BDSM or at least accepting it as part of their work. Her image, her melancholy angst, her sense of high fashion and luxury is a touchstone for much of their strength and aesthetics. Diamanda Galás is in the top 10 for sure. Sultry female-sung soul music and R&B torch songs. Nine Inch Nails, particularly the more danceable early work. Music made or used by David Lynch, and soundtracks from his movie or other noir slow burners is ubiquitous.
But it turns out that all Dominatrixes are a little different, which shouldn’t surprise anyone: They are almost all intensely creative, mindful, attentive, empathetic people who have to “read” others and know what they themselves enjoy not to lose control (or to lose it appropriately). This depth of awareness and artistic intuition I find frankly astonishing. Imagine being a storyteller, a DJ, as well as a sort of masseur, or a physical trainer, a self-promoter, often a therapist, and sometimes a bouncer, all at the same time. Thus, ambient and instrumental music plays a key role in many playlists in order to set stately mood and invite space; it’s usually darkly sensual and faintly disturbing genres. Hot and cool jazz depending on the mood—Betty might be surprised by how often Miles, her ex-husband’s name, came up in my interviews.
My favorite two discoveries are Dominatrixes who use extreme black metal or bands like Coil to scare clients and stoke their own impulses, and that these clients often bring what they hear while submitting into their personal lives as their own playlists. If your otherwise prim, bourgeois 60-year-old banker suddenly has a lot of Nick Cave and Mazzy Star in his collection, somebody’s getting paid for some pretty intense music recommendations.
What most surprised you about their selections?
I’ve yet to meet a Dominatrix who hasn’t surprised me with her selections. Yes, labels like 4AD and Cleopatra and such are common. (A lot of professional gals really found their calling in the ’90s fetish club scene.) They all tend to be people who do other things in the arts, and many are musicians, and the personality type tends to be fiendish and fetishistic about new or unusual sounds, even if they don’t look or seem like collecting heads or band trivia nerds. In my opinion, most Dominatrixes have much better taste than bloggers or music-business types.
What is your favorite S&M–D/s-oriented song, and why?
I’m old school. My very favorite is still the Velvet Underground’s “Venus in Furs,” which hits me on all levels: intellectually, emotionally, viscerally. In thought and sound, it is a perfect song. What is being described is perfectly reflected by the alluring, alien world the music creates for it. It excites, disturbs, changes, soothes, scares, and scars the way music is meant to. Talk about bringing you into a whole other place, an entirely new way of being.
