Mariners for some reason playing baseball inspired by the work of Korns Jonathan Davis
It's like the '90s again for the Mariners. I think they're all listening to Korn. TDC Photography / Shutterstock

As the city that gets to collectively enjoy the proximity of the Seahawks, Seattle has been spoiled for sports joy and drama of late. The Seahawks play either games where they destroy their opponents, or games in which they battle their opponents to hard-fought, heart-stopping finishes. The team hasn’t lost by double digits since Russell Wilson took over as quarterback. Sure, sometimes this ends in complete, mind-bending devastation (really just that one time), but life as a Seahawks fan over the past few years has been never not interesting.

The past decade of Mariners baseball has been the opposite. The team either wins because they pitch well (and by "they" I mean “usually Felix”), or they fall behind early and then play out inning after inning of futile garbage offense with no hope of coming back.

Until now.

After last night's meltdown, Mariners are at a disappointing 5-8 to start this season, and it’s tempting to say, “Same old Mariners.” But don’t say that! Say instead, “Weird old Mariners.” Say it! Out loud.

“Weird old Mariners!”

Good.

How weird are they?

Well, this team, which in the past has relied on its pitching and run prevention to stay occasionally respectable, is second to worst in the league in runs allowed. The team can’t stop bleeding runs. James Paxton has been unlucky with hit rates on balls in play. Fernando Rodney has been unlucky on balls in play. Hisashi Iwakuma’s been giving up dingers. Taijuan Walker has been bad. The ghost of Willie Fucking Bloomquist has played shortstop. Our outfield is full of guys who can’t find a fly ball or make a throw. It’s been not great!

But the middle of the Mariners lineup is great. Nelson Cruz is balling out at an extraordinary clip with eight home runs already. Kyle Seager and Robinson Cano had a week’s worth of slow starts before breaking out in the way you’d expect guys with nine-figure contracts to eventually break out. And other guys have been hitting adequately (except for Mike Zunino, but he’s a young catcher, so you take what you can).

This means that when the Mariners are down 10-5 in the eighth inning, as they were on Sunday, they can still win even after Nelson Cruz strikes out with the bases loaded in the eighth inning. This type of game has happened approximately zero times in the past decade with the Mariners. Now it feels like they’re blowing leads and coming back three times a game.

So maybe this Mariners team isn’t playing like the World Series contender we were hoping for. But they are interesting in a 1998 Mariners sort of way. The bullpen is terrible, the dingers are flowing, Mike Zunino is doing his best Dan Wilson impression, Ben Affleck is credible in Hollywood, I feel sad all the time because the Mariners keep blowing games... sad enough to go half-goth... for right now, I'm calling this brand of Mariners baseball Kornball.

And after a decade of impossible offensive futility, I guess I’ll take it! Especially considering the run prevention should only get better. Paxton and Rodney are pitching well enough to get results. So, too, is Iwakuma, save for his first innings. Bullpens are always fixable. And Walker, who was better last night than in his previous starts, will improve his command or be replaced by the better-than-serviceable Roenis Elias. Also, defensively, Chris Taylor will be back to help out with infield defense, and hopefully the team will be healthy enough to keep Cruz in the DH spot and out of the outfield.

It all bodes well that I'm willing to say this team has the potential to quit playing games with our hearts, and move to playing 1997-Mariners-style baseball, aka Backstreet Boys Ball.