Despite the fact that Bobby Jindal governs a state that yearly hosts a boa-festooned Carnivale full of people dancing naked in the streets and rubbing rainbow glitter in all available orifices, yesterday he reaffirmed his stance on protecting “religious freedoms.”

In an op-ed for the New York Times, Jindal, who even as a full-grown man insists on being called by the diminutive “Bobby,” vows to pass the Marriage and Conscience Act. According to Jindal, this act would prohibit the state from taking “adverse actions” against people, corporations, or nonprofits who refuse services “based on the person or entity’s religious views on the institution of marriage.” So, if a business or a cop or a doctor wants to deny services to a gay couple, then laissez les bon temps rouler.

I'm not the first person to compare these laws to Jim Crow.

Jindal goes on to claim that the bill does not effectively legalize discrimination against gay people, but rather “makes our constitutional freedom so well defined that no judge can miss it,” which is a meaningless statement that in no way addresses the fair concerns lodged by his opposition. He then describes himself and his like-minded religious brethren as underdogs, resolving to remain steadfast in his view, “even if it becomes a minority opinion.”

Jindal, who in no way sees any similarities between his religious views and the religious views used to support Jim Crow laws, and who is apparently unsatisfied with the lack of legal protection for LGBT folks in Louisiana, calls on—I swear to God—“corporate titans” to ally with social conservatives in order to make life for gay people even more stressful than it already is.

With this stance, Jindal admits that he wants to help create more environments that are openly hostile to the LGBT community. In the fucking South. And guess who’s gearing up to make a presidential run in 2016? And guess who might get substantial $$$ from the Koch brothers to do it?

You know what? We gotta santorum Jindal. But I can't do it alone. I need your help, you beauties, you captains of the imagination. Time for a legally binding Slog poll.