What a fucking delight it’s been to watch John Waters journey from a proudly trashy gutter filmmaker to a wise and hilarious elder statesman of pervy culture. Tonight, Waters takes the stage at the Neptune to hold forth on all things XXXmas: perverted gifts, holiday horror stories, “religious fanaticism for Santa Claus,” the nature and purpose of Christmas exploitation films, and more. Tremendous bonus: musical interludes provided by guest star Kimya Dawson. (Neptune Theatre, 1303 NE 45th St, stgpresents.org, 8 pm, $35–$99, all ages)

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...