When I first visited Uneeda Burger back in FEBRUARY, the patio was packed. In February! People sat at picnic tables in earmuffs and parkas, shoving drippy burgers through cinched nylon hood-holes. It was weird. Now that it’s actually patio season, however, there’s no reason for you to be anywhere BUT the Uneeda patio. Here is what you will do there: order a fucking hamburger. I preferred the slightly pricier Wagyu upgrade, but just follow your heart. Order a milkshake or a beer or whatever. Bite, quaff, get fat, luxuriate in the sun’s rays. No parka required! (Uneeda Burger, 4302 Fremont Ave N, 547-2600, 11 am-9 pm)

Lindy West was born an unremarkable female baby in Seattle, Washington. The former Stranger writer covered movies, movie stars, exclamation points, lady stuff, large frightening fish, and much, much more....