A friend of mine has a T-shirt that says, "We're not having fun unless they're calling 911." I've never had to do that, thank god, but I've had a few mishaps when doing BDSM. Most of them have happened in the privacy of my own dungeon, but one of my more memorable oh-shit moments happened semipublicly—in the bathroom at the Mercury.

I was there one night with my favorite victim, Jae. We'd been engaging in a little dance-floor foreplay—me pulling her hair, slapping her boobs, and grinding my knee into her crotch. Things needed to be brought to a climax, so I dragged her into the women's restroom and shoved her into a stall.

I locked the door and pulled Jae's pants down. I had her bent over at the waist in front of me, with one of her arms twisted up behind her back. In spite of that—or perhaps because of it—she decided to fight me.

"Oh, you want me to get rougher? Okay, baby," I said, laughing. She laughed back at me challengingly, low in her throat. I twisted her arm higher, forcing her head lower, and grabbed a clump of her hair with the other hand, yanking it while I kicked her feet apart. We struggled and thrashed together, slamming up against the walls of the stall. I heard someone out by the sinks say, "...what the fuck's going on in there?"

That's exactly what's going on, I thought, and jammed four fingers into Jae. She yowled like a cat and I stopped paying attention to anything else.

Some minutes later I took my hand out of her, wiped my fingers on the back of her shirt, and pulled her pants up. "You okay?"

"Oh, yeah, Mistress, I'm fine." She dragged the words out like a stoner. Whoo, she's endorphin high, I thought. I turned her around and leaned in to give her a kiss, but jumped back at the sight of her face. Her mouth was sticky with blood, and it streaked along her cheeks like an Indian in a Western.

"Holy shit, sweetheart, what happened?"

"Oh," she said dreamily. "It's my teeth. You knocked them out against the back of the toilet while we were fucking."

I led her out of the stall and over to the sink. "Knocked them out? Jesus. Rinse your mouth and let me see." The girl standing at the next sink saw the blood Jae was spitting into the porcelain basin and gave me a horrified you-whacko-bitch look.

Blushing, I turned my back on her. "God, baby, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that. Why didn't you tell me?"

She smiled gorily. "I didn't want you to stop fucking me. Don't worry, I don't mind..."

But I minded—and when Jae's afterglow faded, she admitted that perhaps it was a bit painful. Luckily I hadn't quite knocked them completely out and the dental repair required was minimal. Since then, though, I've been careful to make sure no one needs a mouth guard to get fucked by me.


Kink Calendar



Rain City Jacks is a private, men-only JO club that's alcohol, smoke, and attitude free. Raincityjacks.org, rc@raincityjacks.org, 7—10 pm, membership required.



So you want to top, but you're not sure what to do? BDSM author/instructor Midori will give tips on how to plan your scene, find your top space, and read your partner. Couples and singles welcome. Wet Spot, 1602 15th Ave W, building E, 270-9746, www.wetspot.org, noon—2 pm, $30, nonmembers welcome.


Kissing School is a safe, playful way to explore tantra and experience the kiss sublime. No previous experience necessary. Locale and preregistration at www.kissingschool.com, 10:30 am—5 pm, $325 per couple.


The Olympians are a gay men's nudist social club that meets at a private Seattle location. Notice: This is not a "clothing optional" event—get naked or stay home. www.theolympians.net, olynewsletter@aol.com for location, 7 pm—midnight, $5.


Want to bring sizzling, sexy, fun, and easy bondage to your bedroom? Babeland, 707 E Pike St, 328-2914, 7 pm, $60 per couple.


Get your hoot on during the dusk-to-dark nature walk. Featured activities include looking for owls, learning to hoot like owls, and a beginner course on "owling," in which an entire owl in placed in the anus. Bring your own flashlight. Camp Long, 5200 35th Ave SW, 684-7434, www.camplong.org, 5—7 pm, $6—$8.



A women's strip show and sex party at the Wet Spot, benefiting Lifelong AIDS Alliance. www.bang4thebuck.org, $5—$10 Strip-O-Rama only, 8—10 pm; $15—$20 Bang Party only 10 pm—2 am; $20 for both. Female ID required. Wet Spot membership not required, but nonmembers must RSVP to midoriparty@wetspot.org.