TO LISTEN TO YOUR MESSAGES, PRESS ONE: "Um, hi, Mistress, my name is Bob, and I had a question. Several months ago I was with a gal and we did some bondage stuff on my cock and had trouble getting the bondage off. Since then I've been having pain in my genitals. And I was wondering if having the circulation cut off, if that could cause damage. I've been to doctors and they say there's nothing wrong with me. But I didn't tell them about this in particular because they don't need to know my personal sexual stuff. But I was just wondering if you could tell me what the problem might be...." END OF MESSAGE.

I have mixed feelings about calls like this. I don't like it when strangers treat my business phone like a free kink-crisis hotline. I'm on the phone too much already, so when I get a call that's not about making an appointment—or some other scenario where money flows my way—it usually feels like an imposition.

But despite my bitchy tendencies, I am sometimes susceptible to kinksters in distress. So let's talk about Bob's dick.

Without seeing exactly what happened, it's tricky to diagnose, but it sounds like his top tied up his cock and balls and then had difficulty untying them. That's not an uncommon newbie mistake, which is why I advise using something like thick bootlaces, tied in a shoelace bow. However, while it's possible that Bob experienced an injurious degree of decreased blood flow and/or nerve compression, that's actually not common. Neither is it common for there to be such long-lasting effects. Yeah, they castrate animals by tying off their testicles until they drop off, but most people doing erotic genital bondage don't tie that tightly, or for that long. (The more typical injury in this scenario would be lacerations from trying to get something sharp under the cord to cut it off. That usually goes quite badly, so don't do it.)

But dammit, Jim, I'm a dominatrix, not a doctor, so I don't really know. It's possible that Bob's the one-in-a-million guy who did sustain nerve damage from genital bondage. What troubles me is that Bob says he didn't tell the doctors he consulted what he thought the origin of the problem might be. Look, I know it's embarrassing, but if you've gotten hurt doing BDSM, you need to tell your doctor what happened, especially if it's something subtle like this. Some people lie to doctors for fear that the dominant partner will be accused of abuse. I'm not saying that never happens, but getting appropriate medical care trumps potential legal issues. And you generally get that type of response more with massive bruising or broken bones. Every doctor who's done a stint in the ER knows that boys do unusual things with their penises, and that accidents sometimes happen as a result. So Bob, if you're reading: Go back to the doctor, tell him what really happened, and ask if you could have nerve damage. But please, don't call me in the morning.

Kink Calendar



Rain City Jacks is a private, men-only JO club that's alcohol-, smoke-, and attitude-free. Membership required, or, 6:30—9:30 pm (doors close at 7:30 pm).



Socialize, flirt, and do BDSM with the girls. All orientations welcome. Wet Spot, 1602 15th Ave W, Building E, 270-9746,, 9 pm—3 am, $15, members only, female ID required.



This Eastside swingers' group was formerly known as the Redmond Ranch. The name has changed—to Eros Events—but the swing parties keep rolling on. Single men must request to be added to the waiting list; couples and single women can just show up. Redmond Ranch, 425-868-8169,, doors at 7 pm, new people must arrive by 8 pm, $45 for couples/$25 for single women.



Brush up on your knot-tying and sexy-pirate role-playing during a three-hour "voyage of discovery" around Puget Sound with the sexy sailors at Sound Experience. (Feel free to ignore their do-gooder educational patter.) And the name of the 101-foot schooner? The Adventuress. Sound Experience, Carillion Point in Kirkland, ship sets sail at 10 am, 360-379-0438, $40—$50.



A handball/play-party for gay and bi men, 21 and over, all levels of experience welcome. Please BYOB (no glass containers) and your own lube. RSVP to, private location in Fremont, 6:00 pm until whenever (doors close at 3:00 am, party is over by 8:00 am), $20/$15 for Cascade Handball Fellowship members, 21+.



Sensual-touch instruction for couples and singles, facilitated by David Longmire. No experience required. Wet Spot, 1602 15th Ave W, Building E, 270-9746,, 5—9 pm (doors close at 6 pm), $10, members only.