Stranger Dept. of Corrections
We Regret These Errors:
- Stranger Dept. of Corrections: We Regret These Errors:
- Dept. of Naive Patriotism: Getting So Emotionally Invested in the Kerry Campaign Was, in Retrospect, Regrettable
- Dept. of Orthography: Which Is Just a Fancy Word for "Spelling" and Isn't Something We're Very Good At
- Dept. of Towering Blunders: The Errors that Almost Sunk the Urban Archipelago
- Dept. of Beefcake Appreciation: I Regret The Stranger's Position on Male Body Hair
- Department of Satanic Reversals: The Only Thing The Stranger News Team Regrets About Endorsing Mark Sidran for Attorney General Is that It Didn't Help Him Win
The Stranger regrets misspelling Private Lynndie England's widely publicized first name--missing the second n--in the October 6 issue. We also regret spelling it wrong in the October 28 issue, and then spelling it wrong again in the November 4 issue.
In the August 19 Stranger, political columnist Sandeep Kaushik predicted that John Kerry would win the presidential election. We regret the error.
The entire staff of The Stranger regrets recycling their copies of the paper's November 11 "Do Not Despair" issue, which is now a collector's item. We should've had the foresight to put that shit up on eBay.
Stranger film editor Bradley Steinbacher regrets sending Charles Mudede--an African who's never seen snow--to review Touching the Void, which is about mountaineering and is actually amazing.
City Council Member Peter Steinbrueck regrets his decision this year to grow a '70s-style porn-star mustache. Furthermore, he regrets his subsequent questionable haircut, which made him look, in the words of one city hall staffer, like "a certain German leader of the past." Stranger news reporter Erica C. Barnett does not regret running a story about the unfortunate mustache-haircut combo, under the headline "Hair Furor," on June 10.
On November 11, The Stranger's Data Breaker columnist Dave Segal botched the date of Derrick Carter's November 13 show. He regrets inadvertently causing more confusion in Seattle's already befuddled house scene.
Stranger news reporter Amy Jenniges regrets her December 2 article about the Curves fitness club, which she cribbed from the neighborhood newspaper Seattle Star. Ms. Jenniges regrets signing her name to the article even though she had no time to do any original reporting and it was practically plagiarized.
Stranger food critic Sara Dickerman regrets that she has but one life to devote to the consumption of cheese.
In our 2004 Bumbershoot guide, The Stranger regrets putting that little "piece of crap" icon next to a calendar listing for a reading by Krist Novoselic because he's a sweet guy and it was kind of mean.
Dan Savage, the editor of The Stranger, regrets assigning and running the five-installment series of "Road Trip" pieces that appeared in The Stranger last August. Money that could have been spent on drugs and hookers in Seattle, a safely blue area on the electoral map, was instead spent on food and lodging in red areas. The Stranger regrets bolstering the economies in parts of Washington State where people voted overwhelmingly for George W. Bush. It's a mistake we will not make again and, for the record, we sincerely hope rural voters starve to death before the next national election.
In the December 16 news column CounterIntel, the words "system of" were entirely left out of the sentence "The middle Americans cherish a system of values they see assaulted." We regret the error.
In a December 16 news item, we misspelled music industry guy Scott Giampino's name. We regret the error.
On July 1, The Stranger ran an advertisement for a Retail Therapy photography exhibit that could have been construed to mean that burqa-clad women in Taliban-era Kabul would feel much better about themselves if they would just get out and shop every once in a while. If you were offended, well, sorry.
The cover of the September 2 issue of The Stranger promised an article inside about the Republican National Convention by Sandeep Kaushik, when, in fact, Mr. Kaushik did not have an article in that week's issue. We regret the error and how prominent it was.
Amy Jenniges, a Stranger news reporter, regrets marrying Dan Savage, The Stranger's editor, in the spring of 2004. The marriage was a political statement about "sanctity of marriage" and the wedding was a blast, but Jenniges' grandparents were very confused and upset upon finding out (on the Internet) that their eldest granddaughter was a lesbian, that she had married her boss, and they hadn't even been invited.
Regarding the above regret, Stranger news reporter Amy Jenniges does not, however, regret that the whole situation put an end to Grandpa's awkward, "So when are you going to find a husband and settle down?" questions.
On a related note, Stranger editor Dan Savage regrets consummating the marriage.
In a June story regarding an upcoming World Naked Bike Ride set to roll through Fremont to the Seattle Center, Stranger news reporters Erica C. Barnett and Amy Jenniges regret subtly implying that, given the rise of obesity in America, this "celebration of the human form" might be a gross flab-fest--which angered some of our readers. What Ms. Barnett and Ms. Jenniges meant to write was that people who ride bikes naked are disgusting, unattractive, and fucking annoying.
Dave Segal, a Stranger music writer, regrets his July 15 feature about the Decibel festival in which he tarred all KEXP DJs as being apathetic toward quality underground-electronic music. Mr. Segal now acknowledges that DJ Riz plays this kind of music on his Expansions show and at area clubs--and that DJ Riz could kick Mr. Segal's ass easily.
The Stranger regrets that, contrary to all the cooing about how "easily navigable" the new Central Library is, the book spiral is obviously a firetrap.
Kinski regrets that many people still describe their band as "space rock," when in fact they are really more like a fake Sonic Youth.
The Stranger regrets John Kerry's answer to the abortion question asked at the end of the second presidential debate. The correct response would have been, "Abortion is always wrong! Always always always! I love Jesus! George Bush wants to kill your fetuses! Amen!"
In a January 22 news story about domestic violence, Stranger news editor Josh Feit described Constance Raney--an African-American woman--as "sport[ing] a Diana Ross hairdo." The Stranger regrets that Mr. Feit thinks any black woman with a bob haircut resembles Diana Ross.
In a November 4 review of the film Sideways, film editor Bradley Steinbacher failed to mention that the film's soundtrack is quite possibly the most god-awful piece of film scoring he's ever encountered.
In the June 10 edition of Stranger Suggests, Jennifer Maerz recommended that readers enjoy the film Soul Plane. Seriously--SOUL PLANE! The Stranger regrets the error.
We regret that one of the most popular clubs in town, a certain club that constantly gets buzz bands on its stage, packs its venue well beyond capacity, to the passing-out point.
The Stranger regrets not always being able to print Movie Times for Pacific Place. The manager is a turd.
The Stranger regrets that there just aren't any good synonyms for the word "funk."
Stranger editors David Schmader, Bradley Steinbacher, and Christopher Frizzelle regret not writing one word for the November 17 "Urban Archipelago" feature, generously credited to "the Stranger editors" but actually written by Dan Savage, Sean Nelson, Josh Feit, Annie Wagner, Charles Mudede, and Erica C. Barnett.
The Stranger regrets that the Massive Monkees showed up but did not perform at our 2004 SXSW send-off party at Neumo's. We're still not sure why this happened.
The Stranger regrets delicious cupcakes.
In a Stranger Suggests item about Chad States' photography exhibit at Zeitgeist in July, Stranger visual art critic Nate Lippens wrote: "Beyond the dreamlike settings and erotically charged tableaux is the chill of loss and the pursuit of loneliness." Mr. Lippens regrets stealing that line wholesale from his own diary and trying to pass it off as an art recommendation.
The Stranger regrets that the word "ubiquitous" appeared at least 23 times in The Stranger in 2004.
He didn't do much, but Stranger associate editor David Schmader regrets all the coke he did in 2004.
In the October 21 issue of The Stranger, music columnist Megan Seling referred to the Sorority House Rejects as "hardcore," when in actuality the defunct Bremerton band was more of a pop-punk outfit with an inclination to light themselves on fire from time to time.
Stranger music writer Dave Segal regrets that more Seattle clubs haven't followed the example of Lo_Fi, Triple Door, Lower Level, and Rendezvous and prohibited smoking on their premises. The record thus far shows that nobody has called any of the owners of the aforementioned clubs "Nazis."
The Stranger regrets the August 12 news headline "Bidder End" for a story about the monorail labor dispute.
The Stranger deeply regrets Genius Award winner David Russo's acceptance speech at the Genius Awards ceremony, during which Mr. Russo attempted to manufacture some integrity by insulting the paper--and, indeed, the very writer who had recognized and argued in defense of Mr. Russo's artistic worth in the first place. The Stranger further regrets that our shock and horror over Seattle School's obnoxious and inane performance at the same event prevented us from slamming Mr. Russo sooner. Up yours, David Russo, you fucking hack.
The Stranger regrets burlesque.
The Stranger regrets endorsing Ralph Nader for president in 1996. We had a dumb hippie for a news editor then.
In the December 16 issue, The Stranger ran the previous week's show times for Big Picture Theater. We regret the error and don't want to shove the blame onto anyone except Megan Seling and Annie Wagner.
The Stranger regrets that writer Sean Nelson's October 14 interview with a Honey Crisp apple in the food section provoked more positive response from our readers than anything that's been published in the food section (or indeed anything written by Mr. Nelson) in years.
Sean Nelson, an associate editor at The Stranger, regrets that following his Honey Crisp apple interview in the October 14 issue, the Honey Crisp apple became a real rock star asshole and nowadays you can hardly find one anywhere.
Stranger music editor Jennifer Maerz regrets allowing associate editor Charles Mudede to write a positive preview for the Stills because that band is an overhyped bag of shit.
Stranger Ombudsman A. Birch Steen regrets waiting as long as he did to get a prostrate exam, and reminds male readers that it's never too early.
The Stranger regrets getting Jenna wasted that night.
Stranger copy chief Amy Kate Horn regrets being pigeonholed as "goth" by certain members of the Stranger editorial staff, one of whom went so far as to give her a copy of The Goth Bible despite the fact that she wakeboards, listens to Justin Timberlake, has a generally happy disposition, and has been known to wear pink.
In the January 8 edition of Stranger Suggests, Charles Mudede called the film 21 Grams "the most important film of 2003." It was nothing of the kind. The most important film of 2003 was Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star.
Josh Feit, news editor of The Stranger, regrets making the following statement in his August 26 installment of the Stranger's Bush Election Alert: "The anti-Kerry book, Unfit for Command: Swift Boat Veterans Speak Out Against John Kerry, doesn't have me worried; that'll be dismissed as the hoax it is…"
Jennifer Maerz, music editor of The Stranger, regrets that the Sunset's first annual Shittiest Band in Seattle contest lived up to its name so well that she and co-judge Mark Arm split early to go watch the Piranhas play at the Comet.
The Stranger regrets publishing a review of the French film Love Me If You Dare on June 17, then again on August 5, and then again on September 9, even though the film opened in Seattle only once (that last time). We also regret that Paramount Classics is a fickle distributor.
On November 4, Stranger news reporters Erica C. Barnett and Sandeep Kaushik wrote a story about Seattle-area political bloggers that was pretty much the lamest article either reporter has ever written. Mr. Kaushik and Ms. Barnett blame election-related stress, or something.
Stranger art director Corianton Hale regrets that he broke his shoulder sledding down the art department staircase on what he termed "Snow Day."
The Stranger regrets running the wrong date on the cover of our October 28 issue, ruining an otherwise perfect piece of satirical art.
In our July 1 issue, The Stranger published an article by political columnist Sandeep Kaushik called "The Big Ones," which purported to inform the paper's younger readership about the high stakes involved in the 2004 election cycle and urged them to volunteer on behalf of any of several Democratic campaigns. So far as Mr. Kaushik knows--and as he predicted, forcefully, beforehand--not a single person volunteered for a single campaign as a result of the article, perhaps because it was so obviously chock full of lies and distortions regarding Republican perfidy that not even a 17-year-old could possibly take it seriously. The only impact of the piece, in fact, was that it made Mr. Kaushik appear to be a juvenile and naive 1960s-style if-I-could-teach-the-world-to-sing activist-type. Mr. Kaushik deeply regrets that the paper's readers may have developed such an impression, particularly since in actuality it is Mr. Kaushik's editors, namely news editor Josh Feit and editor Dan Savage, who are juvenile and naive 1960s-style if-I-could-teach-the-world-to-sing activist-types, and who ordered Mr. Kaushik against his better (as in superior) judgment to write the article. Mr. Kaushik further regrets--a lot--that Mr. Feit's promise not to associate Mr. Kaushik's name with the "story" went unhonored.
The Stranger regrets the band names Dope Smoothie, Pedestrian Deposit, inBOIL, Frontbutt, Dying Fetus, and Syphilis Sauna.
The Stranger regrets sending a writer for the Party Crasher column to review a party thrown by a Stranger staffer who hadn't even invited the writer, only to have the writer say the party sucked.
Music editor Jennifer Maerz regrets dating that vegan guy sophomore year of college because he was way older and "had a cool blond ponytail." Although he did give her a nice blender.
David Schmader, associate editor of The Stranger, regrets somehow fumbling the recording of his telephone interview this year with singer/songwriter Rufus Wainwright, thus requiring Mr. Schmader to write a stupid makeshift article drawing facile parallels between human error and Wainwright's art.
Stranger music writer Dave Segal regrets turning down every one of the 137 offers of weed that generous folks tempted him with this year.
The Stranger regrets the advertisement for the restaurant Crave that features a line drawing of a "chocolate banana" but which bears a frankly revolting resemblance to a penis and scrotum adorned by a flower. The Stranger regrets ruining any appetites by running that advertisement so many times, and for suggesting that Crave is anything other than delicious.
Stranger performance editor Annie Wagner regrets that there were no theater qua theater openings the last week of August, which compelled her to instead review the Northwest LeatherSIR/leatherboy Competition held at the Timberline, thereby incurring the wrath of a gang of humorless homosexuals in leather chaps and harnesses. She also regrets not knowing the difference between a leather flag and a bear flag--as though it fucking matters.
In retrospect The Stranger doesn't regret the monorail recall effort. Ha! Motherfuckers! HA!
In July, Stranger news reporter Amy Jenniges wrote a story exploring the controversial "sport bike" motorcycle scene on Alki. The story resulted in countless angry letters from sport bikers decrying Hog owners. It also resulted in a slew of invites to ride along with the sport bikers so that Ms. Jenniges could better understand their maligned community. Ms. Jenniges does not regret declining those invitations.
The Stranger regrets that the perfectly reasonable-sounding Cultural Development Authority of King County changed its name to the ridiculous moniker 4 Culture because it "represent[ed] a more user-friendly and expressive name."
The Stranger regrets that EMP rarely comes up with an exhibit that veers from the straight and Rolling Stone narrow.
On September 16, Theater News columnist Brendan Kiley penned a column entitled "Wherefore Dramaturgs?" Holy Christ. Sorry about that.
Regarding the above regret and the English language in general, Stranger books editor Christopher Frizzelle regrets that certain writers like to use retarded words like "penned" even when a simpler word, like "wrote," would suffice.
On January 1, The Stranger's news team dubbed Seattle Police Guild President Ken Saucier a has-been. While we loved Saucier, word at the time was guild members were tiring of his brash sound bites and were itching for new leadership. Six months later, on July 21, 39-year-old Saucier died in a tragic car accident in Idaho. The entire situation is regrettable, and Saucier is someone we miss terribly.
The Stranger's art department regrets placing a lewd illustration of hairy man directing an aerosol stream at a woman's vulva above a perfectly nice September 23 article by Stranger performance editor Annie Wagner about sexually transmitted diseases.
On a related note, Annie Wagner, the performance editor of The Stranger, regrets giving the impression that she knows anything at all about sexually transmitted diseases.
In the April 8 issue of The Stranger, film editor Bradley Steinbacher titled a review of the film The Alamo "The Suck-Amo." The Stranger regrets not firing Mr. Steinbacher, like, years ago.
The Stranger regrets ignoring the Northwest Folklife Festival for the 13th year in a row. On a related note, The Stranger pregrets ignoring the 2005 Folklife Festival.
The Stranger regrets its use of the word "pregrets" in the above item. "Pregret" is not really a word.
The Stranger regrets that Bus Stop, the cabaret space that received a glowing preview by Kathleen Wilson in the July 8 edition, has yet to open its doors six months later.
The Stranger regrets the stupidity of the six dozen or so letter writers who responded to the October 28 Halloween cover (a photo of a little kid dressed up like an Abu Ghraib prisoner) with indignant inquiries like, "What's next? NAZIS on the cover?"--stubbornly refusing to draw the obvious distinction between endorsing German war criminals and mocking American complacency.
If any of our readers took up smoking because Lucky Strike sponsored The Stranger Genius Awards for two years in a row, we regret that person has a one-in-three chance of dying of a smoking-related illness. But mostly we regret that that person was stupid enough to take up smoking.
Dan Savage, the editor of The Stranger, doesn't regret stealing three Seattle Professional Journalism awards from the offices of KUOW.
The Stranger regrets KUOW.
Stranger news editor Josh Feit does not regret having organized a citywide Washington Mutual bank account withdrawal to protest the local Fortune 500 company's anti-monorail advocacy. (At last count, about $2 million has been pulled from WaMu by customers protesting the bank's anti-monorail position.) What Mr. Feit regrets is transferring his money to Wells Fargo, where, before being allowed to open an account, he was subjected to a creepy, humiliating, hour-long interview about his life.
The Stranger regrets its disastrous Back to School scavenger hunt this September, an event that was marred by glitches too numerous to list here.
The perverted faggots, neurotic Jews, shrewish women, intelligent Asians, well-hung blacks, coke-snorting rockers, and red-nosed drunks at The Stranger regret making so many jokes at the expense of the dirty hippies at Hempfest. For the record, the hippies at Hempfest are no dirtier than hippies are on average, and we regret implying otherwise.
Stranger music editor Jennifer Maerz regrets that no matter how much respect she has for them as musicians, she cannot count herself as a Dead Moon fan.
While The Stranger news department doesn't regret breaking the news that Mayor Nickels bought off incoming council members by tapping his own donors to host a freshmen fundraiser, we do regret following up the story by forming our own political action committee, BRIBE--or, Bringing Real Integrity Back to Elections. We're happy that our PAC raised enough money for an anti-Nickels bus ad--"Your New City Council. You Elected 'Em, Nickels Bought 'Em"--but now we're getting inquiries from the IRS about our extracurricular activities.
Stranger writer Megan Seling, who writes the Underage music column and has never had a drop of alcohol in her life, regrets telling everyone that she planned on drinking if George W. Bush won the election. Even though Bush won the election, Ms. Seling still has yet to consume anything stronger than Diet Coke. She never thought Bush would actually win, and she never thought anyone would take her seriously seeing as how she constantly lies anyways.
The Stranger regrets several Stranger Suggests headlines this year, including "CARESSING THE CRACK FOR THE WEEK OF…," "ABLAZE IN A FREEBASING DEBACLE FOR THE WEEK OF…," "WHIPPING SHITTIES FOR THE WEEK OF…," "JULIA CHILD'S WORM CASSOULET FOR THE WEEK OF…" (which appeared the week Julia Child died), and "RAY CHARLES IS STILL BLIND FOR THE WEEK OF…" (which appeared the week Ray Charles died).
The Stranger regrets that the column in the visual arts section has changed names back and forth between Art News and In Arts News. We also regret that no matter which name we use, the column is just boring.
In the October 7 issue of The Stranger, the column Party Crasher was illustrated with a photograph of vomit, the caption reading: "Invisible chunkless puke." On the facing page was a review of Casuelita's Caribbean Cafe. We regretted that, and so did some of our readers.
Certain parties in the editorial department, who shall remain nameless, regret the occasion, or occasions, on which he, she, or they smoked pot in the Stranger office stairwell after hours, not because it was illegal or because the pot wasn't good, but rather, because all the people from other departments who invariably decided to take the stairs on said occasions obviously knew what was going on.
The Stranger regrets that the August 21 Curiosa Festival was cancelled due to low ticket sales and rescheduled inexplicably in Everett, forcing some people to risk their lives driving in bewildered circles around the scary bowels of the former logging town. The Stranger also derides the Everett Events Center for selling beer but prohibiting it inside the arena, thereby forcing certain people to desert the perfectly romantic Cure set every half hour or so to slam overcarbonated MGD on the hideously lit and rank-smelling concourse.
The Stranger still regrets running this photo two years ago (the caption read, "Tonight on Fear Factor..."):
The Stranger regrets that the beer served at our tent at Fremont's Oktoberfest was the most offensive beverage ever handed to anyone. The "special" brew tasted like a 40-ouncer that had been passed through the kidneys of a Pioneer Square bum and then strained through the underpants of a dirty Hempfest hippie.
The Stranger regrets all those dead kids Schmader wrote about last year. What is wrong with people?
The Stranger regrets taking yet another uncalled for slap at dirty Hempfest hippies, a group of Hempfest attendees who exist perhaps entirely in the imaginations of various Stranger writers and editors.
In "Ask the Anti-Monorail Guy's Hummer," which appeared in The Stranger's June 17 issue, we named Martin Selig as the anti-monorail activist who owned a yellow Hummer H2. We meant instead to deride Henry AronsonCQ. We regret the error. (note from CF: I believe it was Fred Kettlewell? Pls. check.)
In the March 1 installment of Charles Mudede's crime column Police Beat, someone whose identity is still not known to Mr. Mudede waited until just before the paper went to the printer to change this excellent passage, "Sgt. Bill Robertson, who was working off-duty for Metro Transit Police, returned to the cave-like entrance of the Pioneer Square Metro Tunnel that had by now surrendered a considerable part of its inner secrets to the growing light of the dawn. Again, Sgt. Bill Robertson observed the suspect (age 52, white, 135 pounds, brown hair, hazel eyes, thin) sleeping on the ground as if he were a caveman and the year of that emerging day was 20,000 before the birth of Christ," to this tepid one: "Sgt. Bill Robertson, who was working off-duty for Metro Transit Police, came across the entrance of the Pioneer Square Metro Tunnel, whose darkened steps seemed to lead down to the underworld rather than the underground bus station. He looked inside and found a man (age 52, white, 135 pounds, brown hair, hazel eyes, thin) sleeping on a mattress." Mr. Mudede regrets the flatfooted and unnecessary revision. The Stranger in turn regrets that Mr. Mudede has chosen our annual regrets issue to air his petty, vainglorious grievances.
Stranger associate editor David Schmader regrets every phone call he's ever failed to return, ever.
Certain people regret certain crushes.
Ninety-eight percent of hiphop performers regret using the same audience-participation routines that sounded stale even during Run-DMC's prime.
In the I, Anonymous column that appeared in The Stranger's November 11 issue, an extremely constipated man described how his "food baby was crowning its head." The Stranger regrets unleashing this relentlessly upsetting image upon the nice citizens of this nice city.
The Stranger's editorial staff regrets that Stranger editor Dan Savage is a world-class Catholic love withholder.
Annie Wagner, performance editor of The Stranger, regrets writing a review of Intiman's Our Town that made Tom Skerritt cry like a baby rather than like the 72-year-old he is.
After sitting through Along Came Polly, Envy, Starsky & Hutch, and Dodgeball all in the same calendar year, Stranger film editor Bradley Steinbacher regrets that Ben Stiller is an unfunny man-ape who continues to get work.
The Stranger regrets allowing music editor Jennifer Maerz to continue to write headlines like "Fiery Furnaces Burn Through Boring" (January 22).
David Schmader, an associate editor at The Stranger, regrets the 450 accumulated hours he spent watching reality-TV elimination ceremonies this year.
Though he stands by his hyping of Grandmaster Flash's January 2004 show at Chop Suey, Stranger music writer Dave Segal regrets that Flash totally ruined his set--which apparently hasn't changed much since 1984--with repeated pleas to "make some noise, Seattle!" We got you the first seven times, Flash.
The Stranger regrets nearly forgetting to cover the Seattle date of the 2004 Wilco tour until an hour before deadline, leaving space for only a sentence-long preview.
The news department of The Stranger regrets the scatological headline "Log Jam" that appeared above a July 1 news story about anti-Bush environmental activists.
Actually, scratch that one about Wilco. We don't regret that at all.
Stranger art director Corianton Hale regrets that he still hasn't run any cover art by Treasure Frey, Kimya Dawson, or David Schrigley.
Stranger associate editor David Schmader regrets puking in Stranger columnist Hannah Levin's kitchen sink.
Dan Savage, the editor of The Stranger, regrets that he is no longer this paper's hiphop columnist, a position that Jennifer Maerz, the paper's music editor, forced Mr. Savage to cede to Larry Mizell, a writer who was "qualified," "informed," and "black."
In a theater capsule in the September 16 issue, associate editor Sean Nelson wrote that while enduring the Northwest Actors Studio student production of On the Verge, he entertained himself by wondering what the cast would look like if they were on fire. Mr. Nelson regrets that he neglected to refer to Antonin Artaud, whose desire that the audience should be "plunged in a bath of fire" was the whole point of the observation to begin with. He further regrets ever agreeing to attend the play.
The Stranger regrets that so many people reacted like small-town pussies to our September 16 "Cold Killer" cover.
The Stranger regrets encouraging gay people to think of themselves as full and equal citizens entitled to the right to wed a partner of their choosing. The gay marriage movement may well have cost John Kerry the election, and no minority group's civil rights are more important than electing the dullest possible Democrat to the highest office in the land. The Stranger now realizes that not only is marriage a loser issue for Democrats, it's also a union between one man and one woman, and not between a man and a man, or a woman and a woman. Or a man and dog or a woman and her cat, for that matter. We regret the error.
The Stranger regrets that reunited Seattle pop band SuperDeluxe isn't as pretty as they used to be.
Stranger music columnist Megan Seling regrets not responding to the number of bands who invited her to their shows, a long list that includes (but is not limited to) Vindaloo, Haoke, the Four Colour Process, the Pranks, and Danger:Radio. She got your e-mails, she's just a flake.
Stranger staffer Nate Lippens regrets writing anything about being gay. He also regrets being gay.
In the first issue of 2004, in which Stranger news writers predicted which local politicians would fade into oblivion in the coming year, we pontificated: "Rob McKenna: Watch for the Republican star to lose his state attorney general bid--with Sidran Republicans (a la Reagan Democrats) making the difference." In fact, McKenna won the election with 53 percent of the vote, and Mark Sidran didn't even make it through the primary. We regret the error.
We regret that Team America: World Police sucked so hard.
The Stranger regrets the absence from the Kerry-Edwards campaign of a discernible, defensible position on the war in Iraq. One such position might have been, "I'm all for it, because I love Jesus! Amen!"
John Kerry regrets his horsey aspect. And that chin. Oh, and the wife. And that awful story about the fucking hamster we all had to hear about during the convention. Ugh.
The Stranger regrets the long, dark night.
Stranger visual art editor Nate Lippens regrets that surveillance was a continual theme in art shows this year, and has concluded that artists who find this cutting edge have obviously never been inside a Circuit City.
The Stranger art department regrets that the original photo that accompanied Jennifer Maerz's Live Wire column made her look like Witchypoo from H.R. Pufnstuf.
Stranger copy chief Amy Kate Horn regrets the sad fact that most men do not wear eyeliner.
In the February 29 issue of The Stranger, film editor Bradley Steinbacher wrote a Stranger Suggests item for the abominable film Broken Lizard's Club Dread. In his feeble defense, Mr. Steinbacher did not see the film before suggesting it and, desperate for something to write about, wrote the item based on the promise of the Broken Lizard comedy troupe's previous film, Super Troopers--a film, we should note, that Mr. Steinbacher heartily panned upon its release, but which he now likes.
Despite her father's advice in the '80s, Megan Seling never listened to the Who until 2004, which she regrets. She now accepts Who's Next as one of the best records of all time.
Stranger associate editor Sean Nelson regrets that Megan Seling prefers Who's Next to Tommy and Live at Leeds, which are plainly superior Who records.
Charles Mudede, associate editor of The Stranger, regrets not reviewing Book-It Repertory Theatre's adaptation of Jonathan Raban's novel Waxwings in the October 15 issue, since his review would have been more positive than the one penned by Kate Preusser, who should stick to reviewing books.
Stranger books editor Christopher Frizzelle regrets that associate editor Charles Mudede is yet another person who uses the word "penned" when, again, it's really unnecessary.
Stranger music writer Dave Segal regrets expending hundreds of words on Prince Po (October 14) and Derrick May (October 21), because both canceled their gigs at the last minute. Further, Mr. Segal doesn't care if you read those names just now and responded, "Who?"
For the fourth year in a row, Dan Savage, the editor of The Stranger, regrets the small, distorted photo that appears in the paper every week with Savage Love, Mr. Savage's internationally syndicated sex advice column. It's a terrible photo and it looks nothing like him. Still, it looks a lot more like him than the misleading photo that appeared on the cover of the paperback edition of Mr. Savage's last book, Skipping Towards Gomorrah, which was a national bestseller. That photo makes Mr. Savage look like a fresh-faced, lithe, and dewy youth, something Mr. Savage has not been since he turned 32 six months ago.
David Schmader, associate editor of The Stranger, regrets devoting a Stranger Suggests item to the On the Boards performances of UK duo "Lone Twin," easily the most irritating hour of performance art since Dubya's first inaugural address.
Oppositely, Mr. Schmader regrets devoting only one Stranger Suggests item to the On the Boards performances of American theater-maker Cynthia Hopkins, easily the most enthralling 90 minutes of performance since time began.
Stranger books editor Christopher Frizzelle regrets writing in the April 15 readings calendar: "There are all kinds of things cooking in Crawfish Dreams."
Tim Keck, the publisher of The Stranger, regrets taking the paper cup that Dan Savage, the editor of The Stranger, handed him in the hallway the other day. The cup was not filled with tea. The cup was filled with urine. Regrettably, Mr. Savage thought this was hilarious.
In a September 2 dispatch from the GOP convention in New York City, an otherwise coherent article, Stranger news editor Josh Feit wrote the following sentence: "When a report from someone back in Seattle of the NYC Department of Transportation website's description of wall-to-wall people got relayed to Richard, the thin and gray-bearded 57-year-old Vietnam-era Seattle activist marching next to me, I got a pang of glee." Do not bother rereading this sentence. It doesn't make sense the second time either.
Stranger music columnist Megan Seling regrets slapping Jason Hensrude across the face in eighth grade because he called her a bitch. Turns out he was referring to a different Megan.
For Eddie Vedder's sake, we regret that Prince never left his own limo the night of the Purple One's after-party at Chapel, standing up the Pearl Jam frontman who Prince had invited in the first place.
In the July 1 issue of The Stranger, critic Nate Lippens wrote that Greg Kot's book about Wilco titled Learning How To Die was "a well-written tome." Mr. Lippens sees now that it was neither well written nor a tome, and doesn't really even think books about bands count as books.
KIRO talker Dave Ross, who boasts a face made for radio, regrets jumping late into the Eastside congressional race, then immediately embroiling himself in controversy over his decision to remain on the air after announcing his candidacy, then getting dinged by pro-choice groups for his support of parental notification, and then, after all that, losing the race to Sheriff Dave Reichert, whose bulging biceps and rugged good looks more than compensated for a thin knowledge of the issues.
Stranger copy chief Amy Kate Horn regrets that so many of her otherwise charming and sanitary friends smoke cigarettes.
In his review of The Dreamers, which takes place in the year 1968, Stranger film editor Bradley Steinbacher made a reference to Charles de Gaulle Airport. Said airport had not yet been given that moniker in 1968, a fact Mr. Steinbacher would have easily discovered if he'd manage to put down his bong for a moment and do a little research.
The Stranger art department regrets the terrible illustrations we've gotten stuck running in an attempt to shine a light on some young blood.
Dan Savage, the editor of The Stranger, regrets writing mean things about George Nethercutt's flappin' man boobs in The Stranger's endorsement of Patty Murray, Mr. Nethercutt's opponent for a U.S. Senate. In the campaign commercial that Mr. Savage wrote about, Mr. Nethercutt is seen jogging past Seattle landmarks that the constituents of Mr. Nethercutt's congressional district in Eastern Washington would probably like to see bulldozed. Mr. Nethercutt's pectoral muscles appear to be less than firm in the ads. Indeed, they do appear to "flap." There is nothing funny about aging, as Mr. Savage, now 33, is quickly discovering.
Dan Savage, the editor of The Stranger, regrets offending the supporters of Mr. Nethercutt who wrote in to complain about the flappin' man-boobs crack. Many pointed out that Mr. Savage was silent on the issue of Sen. Patty Murray's boobs, and complained of a media bias. Mr. Savage admits that he is biased in favor of man boobs, but only the firm, young variety, and insists that if the Murray campaign had produced campaign commercials that showed their candidate doing jumping jacks in a halter-top, he would have had something to say about that too.
The Stranger regrets tsunamis.
Sara Dickerman, The Stranger's food critic, always regrets seeing independent restaurants close. Goodbye to Fandango, Cassis, Bandol, Angkor Noodle, 727 Pine, and their ilk, and good luck to the next set of dreamers who take over their spaces.
The Stranger regrets everything that led to the events of November 2, as well as everything that's happened since.