I have a pretty lengthy resume as a kinkster, both privately and professionally, and these days, it's rare for me to meet clients who I think have more experience than I do. But that wasn't always the case, and I fondly recall the clients I had when I was not so experienced, who turned me on to pastimes that I enjoy today.
I was 20 years old and working for an escort service the night I got a call from the owner. "So, I have a good client who'd like to see you, but he has a special request."
"What is it?"
"He wants you to pee on him. It's his thing."
"Pee on him? Seriously?"
"Yeah, he's a nice guy, very sweet and easy to deal with, and he's just way into the piss thing. 'Golden showers,' it's called. Can you do it?"
I thought about it for a minute. I'd heard sort of vaguely this was a fetish some people had, although none of the few other kinksters I knew back then admitted being into it. I wasn't piss-shy; I'd peed with other people in the bathroom before. How different could it be to actually piss on someone? "Sure, why not?"
The client's address proved to be a large house in an expensive neighborhood. And the client himself, Robert, seemed slightly nervous but pleasant. But now that it was almost show time, I was feeling slightly nervous myself. I have no idea what to do. Am I supposed to initiate this, or is he going to ask me? Are we going to get in the bathtub or what? What if I can't do it? I'd had three cans of Pepsi while driving over, but still.
"Would you like to, um, see the rest of the house?" said Robert, difﬁdently.
I knew what that meant. "Okay, sure."
Robert led the way to a bedroom with a large bed covered by a plastic tarp that draped all the way to the ﬂoor. All right, I see how this is going to work. I think. Oh, fuck it, I'm just going to ask him right out instead of trying to guess. "So, um, you want to lie on the bed and what, have me stand over you?"
Robert nodded jerkily. "Is that okay? I mean, you can do that? Some girls have to like, start off sitting on the toilet and then come over here."
This may well be the weirdest conversation I've ever had. "I don't know, I've never done this. But I'll try, and I guess we'll ﬁnd out, huh?"
Robert took off his clothes and lay down on the bed. I took off my dress and my shoes and climbed up to stand above him, straddling his body. He was visibly excited. That's ﬂattering, I thought.
Then I pulled my g-string to one side and addressed myself to the task at hand. It took a little concentration, in such an unaccustomed posture, but after a few seconds-success. Robert writhed happily in the stream, sliding up and down in the growing puddle so that I could hit different places on his body. "God, it's beautiful. You taste so sweet."
Thank you, Pepsi-Cola, I thought. And then: Actually, this is kinda fun. Look how much he's enjoying it. There was something charming about this man being so enamored of my piss. Yeah, I like this. I could deﬁnitely do this again.
Afterward, I went into the bathroom to wash my feet and legs, and when I came out, I saw that Robert had folded the sides of the tarp up neatly, to contain the puddle on the bed. I felt a twinge of guilt about leaving him with the mess. "Uh, honey, do you want me to help you clean that up?"
"No, that's okay. I'm going to sleep in it."
Sleep in it? Did he just say he was going to-? My newfound piss sophistication evaporated instantly. That's a little more information than I really needed, guy.
But later, when I was home alone, I found myself sitting in my bathroom thinking, Too bad no one is here to enjoy this. It seems like a shame, now, to be just pissing it away. ■
Kissing School is a safe, playful way to explore tantra and experience the kiss sublime. No previous experience with tantra or energy work is necessary. 10 am-5 pm, $275 per couple, preregistration required at www.kissingschool.com.
BOOTS 'N' BUZZCUTS
Boots looking ratty? Need a summer ﬂattop? Let hot guys shear you and shine you at Seattle Men in Leather's Boots 'n' Buzzcuts fund-raiser. Beneﬁts Lambert House. The Cuff, 1533 13th Ave, 323-1525, 9 pm-midnight, suggested donation $10.
PANSEXUAL BDSM NIGHT
The classic BDSM play-party for all genders and orientations. Cruise, watch others play, or wow the crowd with your own kinky scene. Wet Spot, firstname.lastname@example.org or 270-9746, 9 pm-3 am, $20, membership required.
LOVE LOUNGE SEATTLE
An "adult social club" for bi women and male/female couples-no single men, please. 9:30 p m, www.lovelounge.net for more info, no cover, membership required, 21+.
CASCADES VOLCANO OBSERVATORY OPEN HOUSE
Want to know more about hot oozing holes? Scientists will be on hand to answer all your burning questions. 1300 SE Cardinal Court, Building 10, Suite 100, Vancouver, WA, 10 am-5 pm. 360-993-8973.
MICHELE SERCHUK: PHOTO DIVA
Eye candy and sexy stories from erotic photographer Michele Serchuk. She shows her photos and discusses why she shoots sex. Wet Spot, 270-9746 or email@example.com, 4 pm-6 pm, membership not required.
MOONDAY AT THE FENIX
Monthly fetish-fashion photography. This month's theme: Heaven and Hell. Fenix Underground, 109 S Washington St, 405-4314, 9 pm, $5 in fetish wear, $15 in civies.