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Burning Plastic - You want to fuck a newscaster?

The Definitive Jerk-Off Guide to Local TV Newscasters

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Of course you do. You're supposed to. And you're not alone. Take a look:

"I want to put my penis in Christine Chen's butt."

The sentiment above—found carved deep, with something very sharp, in block letters, into the wall of a pisser in a Seattle-area Denny's—deftly illustrates the dirty point. And you, most likely, relate to that point.

Admit it! You'd joyfully junk up the trunk of one or more local newscasters. You're only human, most likely, and your burning desire to bone TV newspeople is common among humans in general. Indeed, the Old Man Era of Rather-Brokaw-Jennings (a hard-haired age of integrity, not Botox) has faded away (RIP Peter, see you in hell Dan and Tom), and over the last two decades a far-weirder and much-hornier newscast has come into focus.

Some background: Since the dawn of so-called "time" (which is merely an illusion, probably created by Karl Rove to serve some Republican plot) the vagina-free stamping grounds of television broadcast news were traditionally reserved for the staid, the bald, the wrinkly, the penis-having, the doughnut-eating, and the all of the above.

But in our modern era so-called "producers" and other dark and conspiratorial forces ("news directors," "marketing executives," "station managers," "the Illuminati," "Karl Rove") have realized that broadcast news is a visual fucking medium for Christ's sake! They've moved to embrace the rude and immutable First Law of Existence: A hot clam with lips that could suck a demographic through a microphone and enormous tits that point at Pluto almost always makes for a more captivating—and more commercially compelling—newscast than a pruney-pussed septuagenarian with a hunchback and a big fat ass. (Or Ken Schram.) Also, they've woken up to the notion that the aforementioned hot clam need not necessarily have to be female. (Word.)

Of course, the Powers That Be in the Mainstream Media—or the MSM, as the annoying dinks in the blog-o-spheres insist on calling it—are adept at the dark art of misdirection, so they mingle relatively repulsive sidekicks (or "co-anchors") in with the lunchmeat in order to distract and confuse. Don't be fooled! That sexy on-the-street reporter has teeth as white as a Klan picnic and armpits as deep as Puget Sound, and the sports guy has a package like the UPS driver of the year, but the dentured dinosaur droning behind the anchor desk is the crusty window-dressing, hung there to help you justify your viewership to your ego, neatly obscuring the horrible truth: They've roped you in by your own fleshy, fleshy, flesh rope! Or nub(s), as the case may be. They work on nub(s) too, the bastards. After all, no one really wants to watch the news... unless they're masochists. Or masturbating. Which is the point.

So who are these reporters and anchors, the ones that make your sex bits quiver? From whence does their raw sexual magnetism spring? What are they about? What would the heave and thrust be like in, on, or under them? It's your right—your duty—to know! Or to speculate wildly! And it is my right—my duty!—to report, dissemble, concoct, tell hard truths, and invent others out of whole cloth. And then—and only then—you decide! In short, nothing in this piece is true, except the stuff that isn't.

But before we begin our examination I must emphasize again: The networks have conspired to snag you by the short hairs. "Make news sexy, they will watch." Ergo, the lickable likes of KING 5's Lori Matsukawa and Susannah Frame, Q13 Morning Anchor Bill Wixey, and to a far, far (far, far) lesser degree, KING 5's Jim Forman.

And, of course, Steve Pool.

Just kidding. Not Steve Pool.

Q13 Fox

Walter Kelley
Meteorologist

Walter Kelley looks exactly like David Hasselhoff in Knight Rider, but that was before 25 years of sun damage fried him into an old brown shoe and his fuzzy man tits turned gray. (Walter Kelley, not David Hasselhoff, whose man boobs, in stark contrast, remain firm and not so gray. As of this writing.) Or maybe Walter looks more like the father from Stephen King's Pet Sematary (the movie), who also wore very tight jeans. But to at least one viewer, Walter Kelley looks mostly like delicious. "Of course, they only ever show Walter from the waist up on TV," one frisky viewer of indeterminate gender laments. "I like to imagine he has no pants on, he's got a great big dick, and he has me on all fours out of the shot." If rumors are to be believed (and they aren't), Walter makes the occasional towel-draped, dew-dappled tour of the steamy Washington Athletic Club men's locker room—where he titillates onlookers, who sneak peeks as he towel dries his hair (it's mostly real!) and applies his deodorant. Provocative! Considerate! Walter Kelley!

Christine Chen
Anchor

Few can resist the raw sexual power of Christine Chen. (Few, I say!) In fact, that bathroom wall carving about the penetration of Christine's perky little melon bottom merely represents the reservoir tip of the big hard iceberg as far as the feelings of Christine's fans are concerned. In a recent and not very scientific poll of intrigued parties, Christine emerged as the definitive sex princess of Seattle newscastrixes, having barely edged out Kathi Goertzen and Jean Enersen by about 20 million miles. As one anonymous Christine fan put it, "I can't explain how she affects me. Most of the time, I watch the news alone, with the sound off. Can you guess what I'm doing?" Possibly. If it is, indeed, what everyone else is doing, too. Which it is.

Dan Devone
Sports Anchor

Dan Devone is a tropical sex tiki with scrumptious caramel skin and crinkle-up eyes and a smile that says "fuck me" in at least two languages. Dan and his muscles and his big white teeth and his shithouse shoulders have rocked Seattle's stupid little libido since his smiley and sexually devastating debut as Q13's sports guy sometime way back in the '90s. Dan was born in Honolulu, Hawaii, where they don't wear a lot of clothes, but spent his formative years in San Francisco, where they wear a lot of clothes, but take them off with little discretion, randomly, and often with strangers. Despite this, Dan is relatively unafflicted with "the gayness," or, indeed, "fudgepackery," "ass-munchery," or "butt-pokery" of any sort, despite my best efforts to secretly hypnotize myself into believing anything to the contrary. In fact, Dan (or, as I've come to call him over the years, "Please Fuck Me!") has widely and often been described as a "testosterone-drenched ladies' man." When he isn't engaging himself in such incongruously homoerotic activities as being naked in the locker room at the Seattle Athletic Club (better than average, if you were wondering, and you were), publicly detailing the vagaries of sweaty ball sports of all sorts, or asking me out for drinks that one time (He did once! I swear!), he allegedly once said, "I could eat sushi seven days a week." Whether or not the raw and fishy finger food in question is figurative, literal, or in any way alludes to KING 5's Lori Matsukawa is probably libelous, if not entirely beside the point.

Kerri Kazarba
Soccer-Mom Fantasy

Two out of three suit-and-tie types consider Kerri Kazarba the local newscaster they'd most likely let drive their kids to soccer practice. Three out of three want to sit on her face. Of course, the other female newscasters say she has no gag reflex, but they're nothing but a bunch of jealous bitches.

KING 5

Jean Enersen
Mean Tree

If you're ever pounding Jean Enersen in the poop chute (and who among us wouldn't, if only but we could?), and she starts moaning and groaning real loud or starts yapping like a broken Chihuahua or something, whatever you do, don't shush her. Jean Enersen hates to be shushed. And don't bugger her in a moving car, either. Road rage. It could be an issue. (You could get something bitten off!) And don't do it in Macy's or Nordstrom, either. The security guards are probably watching you. Believe it.

Joyce Taylor
Anchor

One could fill a room with a bunch of smaller rooms filled with tiny little people who love Joyce Taylor. She's kind of like a relatively hot tree of some sort—aloof and tall but not too scratchy to rub your fun parts against. But this sexy Emmy Award–winning anchor is more than a happy talking head with hard hair and consummate diction. Joyce Taylor possesses the single most sexually provocative attribute in the universe—an identical twin sister!

Susannah Frame
Investigative Reporter

Two words: foot fetish. We're not saying she has one, or indulges foot fetishes, but those are two words. One, two. Count 'em. Oh, and she speaks fluent Spanish! ¡Aspire mis zapatos!

Mimi Jung
Co-Anchor

Mimi Jung has never been Miss Seafair, but she's a damn sight better than a Blue Angel in your eye. Speaking of fingers, she doesn't like that, stop it. Also, she grew up in Puyallup, so she probably lost her cherry in a barn.

Rebecca Stevenson
Meteorologist

She started out at Northwest Cable News, but left when she realized everyone there was repulsive. She wears too much foundation for KOMO, so she landed at KING 5. "My jaw hurts!" she probably says all the time.

Allen Schauffler
Co-Anchor

One or two "I need a spanking " types think he's fuckable. They've told me so. I don't get it.

Lori Matsukawa
Co-Anchor

She's not as busty as Christine Chen. Also, she's relatively more Japanese. The Japanese word for seaweed is "nori," which rhymes with—do I have to spell it out for you?

Elisa Hahn
General Reporter

The big space between her eyebrows is so smooth! I just want to lick it! Just LICK IT! I once had a long conversation with her gynecologist, which is more than you can say.

Bernard Choi
MANSICLE

"Bernard Choi looks just like a guy I gave a blowjob to on a school bus during an out-of-town band trip in high school. His come tasted like bleach and lemons. It was really hot."

KIRO 7

Gulstan Dart
Anchor

His name in Hungarian means "One Whose Big Floppy Penis Is Like Unto a Dinner Sausage." If you make fun of his name, he might hit you.

Alison Grande
Reporter

Some guy called "Steven" wistfully confesses, "Seattle has tons of dowdy and butch female news reporters. But Alison Grande has got the sweetest face... and the most sincere and beautiful smile..." Indeed. But still we must ask ourselves: Can the length and breadth of Alison Grande be summed up by those sweet apple cheeks? Heavens, no! She's also been blessed with a respectable handful of boobs and a first-prize ass. (Some say she even smells like licorice!) But more importantly, this former Miss Seafair (Yes! Miss Seafair!) also makes sexy little kitten-like mewing sounds whenever she gets shampooed! According to an anonymous source, Alison is wont to "close her eyes, kick her feet a little, and make soft, sort-of mewing, yummy sounds deep in her throat" whenever soapy fingers meet scalp. Whether or not this sordid tale of Alison Grande's mildly orgasmic head hygiene is true or some kind of terrible exaggeration based upon a fictional composite character, there is absolutely no doubt in anyone's mind that this former Miss Seafair (!) probably gets shampooed a lot. Or could. You know, if she wanted to.

KOMO 4

Kathi Goertzen
Mother

Let Kathi Goertzen be. This woman is a poem.

Theron Zahn
Weekend Weather Boy

Theron has that snotty frat-boy swagger that makes my dick so hard. But is he also secretly a movie star? Let's examine: Through many long-buried but recently uncovered top-secret and much-hyphenated Hollywood memos, it has emerged that in 2002 Angelina Jolie and entourage beset themselves upon Seattle to "do a movie." In this movie, Angelina played a TV reporter. Apparently, scenes from this alleged movie were actually shot in the KOMO 4 studios! Equally apparently, our very own Dan Lewis and, of course, cuddly Steve Pool appeared in cameo roles. But upon really, really deeper examination it seems that neither Dan nor Steve appear anywhere in the credits at all... unlike a certain dazzling and weirdly named young up 'n' comer (in my mouth!) called Theron Zahn, who evidentially played an actual character that was actually written down in the script and had lines and an actual name! ("Steve"!) Could it be our relatively obscure but sexy little weatherboy? Possibly! You couldn't pay me to watch that crap and confirm it!

Kevin Reece
Reporter

Kevin is a lonely, helmet-headed wildflower growing in the KOMO garden of stones. His official KOMO biography offers this anecdote: "A viewer once told Kevin, 'I don't recognize you. When are you on?' He responded by pulling up the hood of his raincoat, covering his head, and tightening the drawstring snugly around his face. 'Oh! Now I know who you are!' she said!" This clearly illustrates the common fact that Kevin is uncut, and everyone knows it. German's call their foreskin "mein tuke."

Mary Nam
Reportrix

She's beautiful, single, lives alone, and has a dog. She runs "triathlons." She is also queer sensitive and attended (i.e., "reported upon") this year's Pride Parade. Not that anything is being insinuated, but you know that Lucy Liu is a lesbian, and if people didn't keep reminding me every 20 seconds, I'd totally forget. She just doesn't put out that vibe, you know? Of course you do.

Other

Mr. X!
Infamous Manslut!, KOMO, or KIRO maybe, or Q13. OR KING 5.

If this were indeed the right moment to finally expose the true identity of Mr. X, we could entertain you with details aplenty about pecker-waggy, booze-swilly scandal, for Mr. X, who isn't and never was Karl Rove or Steve Pool or Kathi Goertzen, has allegedly been swilling the booze and wagging the pecker at pseudo-willing and mostly gay men in pseudo-salacious and mostly gay circumstances since the peckers and the booze and the gays were invented. Described variously as a "desperate slut," "Seattle's randiest TV news personality," and a "fruity mass guaranteed to make you feel like shit in the morning" (but rarely, if ever, described as KING 5's Jeff Renner), the legendary Mr. X's widely celebrated deviant activity is hardly limited to the aforementioned indiscriminate wagging of his freakishly enormous baloney pony. In fact, more recent reports seem to indicate a nascent proclivity for, as it were, "taking it up the ass." (Or as Jean Enersen calls it, "le poop chute.")

Oh, mysterious and butt-anomalous Mr. X! Will we ever come to know the real you? May God seriously forbid.

Jim Castillo
Somewhere Else

Jim's all-too-brief time in Seattle made as deep an impression upon the face of Northwest newscasting as Mr. X's huge penis did upon whatever face happened to be on the other side of that glory hole. Jim neither lives nor broadcasts in Seattle anymore, but he still deserves deep and penetrating appreciation. In a far more scientific poll than the one conducted for Christine Chen, it was once determined that during the pinnacle of his local reign, 35.5 percent of news watchers would rather perform slurpy fellatio on Jim Castillo's 7.5 inches of uncut lovesleeve over the uncut lovesleeves of any other local male newscaster. Sadly, in the summer of 2002, Jim and his hypothetical lovesleeve flew our Seattley coop to thrive sexily at another Fox affiliate in sexy, sexy New York instead. But it bears reflection that Jim's general beefcakeyness was capitalized upon early in his career by wise female producers at one of his first stations in Columbia, Missouri, who increased their viewership by a gazillion, forcing Jim to strip down and get sweaty every day on air. "I loved it," Jim once lied. Sadly, Jim Castillo is the only male newscaster in Seattle history that can be definitively ruled out as being Mr. X. Maybe.

 

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Comments (45) RSS

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1
I picked up a copy of The Stranger the other morning, and realized it has disintegrated into a worthless piece of shit weekly. The article to advertisement ratio is appalling, and emo punks make huge statements with overanalyzed evidence and a sort of jaded cynicism that cheapen the quality of anything insightful. Sell-out comes to mind, but it doesn't matter because only faggots read it anyway.

I would love to fuck Rebecca Stevenson though
Posted by God on December 18, 2008 at 2:40 PM · Report this
2
Why let Kathi Goertzen be?

Even though I wish her all the best doesn't take away from the fact that I have been wanting to bang her for years... I'd give anything to see her naked and sit on my face... She's HOT...
Posted by 12incher on January 22, 2009 at 3:11 PM · Report this
3
Mark Mullen. 'Nuff Said.
Posted by L on January 23, 2009 at 12:00 AM · Report this
4
You are a complete JACK ASS! I can not put it plain enough. I have worked with some of these people and what you do here is stupid, lame and something a ten year old would want to read. You should be disgusted to call yourself a writer.
Posted by stingwcw80 on January 31, 2009 at 12:25 AM · Report this
5
I'm a 10 year old and this is way over my head, I don't care to read it at all. So "stingwcw80" [seriously?] you're dumb and teh stranger rules. Plus I don't use CapLocks and swear like a punk 9 yearold, you big diaperfillin baby.
Posted by 4th Grade again ROX on February 5, 2009 at 4:46 AM · Report this
6
I have now picked up my last copy of the Stranger ever. I will now delete this bookmark.I'll have to get my music news elsewhere. At some point, perversion just crosses the line to vulgarity. Whether written in jest or for sheer shock value, neither were accomplished, only disgust.
Posted by Dr. Phil Me on February 7, 2009 at 8:36 AM · Report this
7
I don't even live in Seattle and have no idea who these newscasters are (though I Googled them as I read about them), and yet I still found this article gut-bustingly funny. Adrian Ryan, you were born to write about sex. Thanks for doing it unabashedly. You make me look forward to watching the news.
Posted by sibylline on February 11, 2009 at 11:53 AM · Report this
8
wheres the pictures?
Posted by merge on February 13, 2009 at 12:12 AM · Report this
Posted by jonah33 on February 13, 2009 at 5:49 PM · Report this
10
yo, Mary Nam is engaged! Too late, fellas
Posted by your picks are outdated on February 17, 2009 at 5:45 AM · Report this
11
Dan Devone has herpes
Posted by synplex B on February 18, 2009 at 2:26 PM · Report this
12
I loved the article.. Why, I was just reminiscing to the fact that I got my first erection to a young, perky Jean Enersen. I think I was 28 weeks or so..

You all know that's why the eye candy are hired.. You never see the swollen bee stung face, or the borderline morbidly obese feeding you the latest depressing tidbits of the day.

We all look at the skincasters and wonder what they look like naked and how freaky they are. Adrian was just the first to do it in print and not on Craigslist. Quit denying it and shelve your Victorian ideals.

And yes, I want to see KIRO's Monique Ming Laven pushed up against a teleprompter that's rolling my name repeatedly.
Posted by Jean's Chair on March 26, 2009 at 5:23 PM · Report this
13
A story this wrong can only be right. My insides ache from laughing.
Posted by The Juno on March 29, 2009 at 11:06 AM · Report this
14
YUP! Time for an update. 'Cause if Jenni Hogan isn't at the top of the list, it must be 2005!!
Posted by hogan's hero on April 3, 2009 at 2:11 PM · Report this
15
what about steve pool. hes a good looking guy.
Posted by tacstar253 on April 8, 2009 at 1:03 PM · Report this
16
What, no Lisa Gangel from King5?! This report isn't complete without her, straight up. http://www.king5.com/about/bios/stories/…

P.S. My husband and I joke that Jeff Renner is totally a perv.
Posted by OlyPen on April 11, 2009 at 9:39 AM · Report this
17
"The bubbleheaded bleach-blond comes on at 5, she can tell you 'bout the plane crash with a gleam in her eye. . . "

Don Henley sure had it right.
Posted by Local news is for dingdongs on May 4, 2009 at 1:08 AM · Report this
18
How on earth could you omit Jane Mccarthy king 5. she is by far the hottest and i think she might also be smart...
Posted by gump on May 7, 2009 at 7:41 PM · Report this
19
OMG..Jenni Hogan is the hottest thing on local tube..I hate watching TV but make the time just for her..
Posted by gayfag on May 21, 2009 at 2:56 AM · Report this
20
What about chris egert from Kiro. He is so HOT! he has that wholesome florida guy thing going on.
Posted by frankisn on May 22, 2009 at 12:55 PM · Report this
21
Chris Egert from kiro is HOT!! He is florida and looks like he rocks in the sac
Posted by frankisn on May 22, 2009 at 1:05 PM · Report this
GREGORYABUTLER 22
Did you hire a 12 year old boy (who goes to an all male school) to write this piece of garbage masqurading as a "humor" column?

Posted by GREGORYABUTLER http://gangbox.wordpress.com on May 27, 2009 at 11:09 PM · Report this
23
Sorry, it's Lisa Gangel or bust!

Well...I'd do Rebecca Stevenson too...oh, and Monique Ming Laven...
Posted by Only me... on September 9, 2009 at 10:50 AM · Report this
24
I know its not local but FOX NEWS has the finest looking hot women in the industry.
Posted by Ihaveareallylongcockandallthewomenherewouldloveit on October 16, 2009 at 12:30 PM · Report this
25
kiro 7 has the babes- i wanna do them all
Posted by chief dick em all on November 7, 2009 at 11:23 PM · Report this
26
Rebecca "chief bimbologist"Stevenson is an idiot. I would not do her, even when hammered-her or I. Shannon Oh Donnel makes me puke in my mouth every time I hear her shrill voice. I especially love how she always looks at the camera from an angle and now that she's at komo, something tells me no other market will put up with her crap. Jeff Renner and his pack a day Pall Mall infused voice makes me wish he does not have children to carry on his creepy genes. Erin Mayovsky, Gaard Swanson's missus, is hawt! Smoking, aluminum ingot melting hot. Not sure why Q13 picker her up, but who cares. She's my version of a wet dream convergence zone.
Posted by Colin Young on December 21, 2009 at 7:09 PM · Report this
27
Wow. The constant state of denial that liberals live in is amazing. I'd rather be an honest ten year old than a delusional moron, who would stop reading a publication, because they do not want to acknowledge the true nature of humans. There is a reason we do not see many ugly news anchors anymore, and Adrian has hit it right on the head.

Joyce Taylor is my favorite. I don't even know why. I am not normally attracted to the Amazon type. She reminds me of those Catholic girls. They put forth an exterior of innocence, but are absolute freaks.
Posted by The Cold Civil War on January 13, 2010 at 8:41 AM · Report this
Texas10R 28
Let's go national...RICHARD ENGEL on NBC!!!!!!
Posted by Texas10R on January 15, 2010 at 5:18 AM · Report this
29
Monique Ming Laven and Mimi Jung. I don't even have an asian fetish, they just are the hottest in town. Period. Jean Enersen?? Good god no. I'd rather do my grandmother...who happens to be dead. Lori Matsukawa??? Again, NOT attractive by any stretch of the imagination. But it's the Stranger, and you "reporters" are probably all on dope anyway
Posted by Mr. Laven on January 22, 2010 at 1:30 AM · Report this
30 Comment Pulled (Spam) Comment Policy
31
This "thread" is worthless without pictures!
Posted by Netman123 on May 10, 2010 at 5:04 PM · Report this
32
Meg Koyle....imho Seattle hottest anchor. She has that touch of nastiness in her eyes. She tends to ramble on a bit and mutter ad-libs...it all just makes her hotter.
Posted by Geezers on May 22, 2010 at 5:26 PM · Report this
33
For those of you wondering Jim Foreman is Mr. X.
Posted by Gram Wellington on August 24, 2010 at 9:22 AM · Report this
34
Maybe KING otta dump Matsukawa & replace her with Jung. That would be a good move. It's too bad that Channel 7 had to cut it's Noon News from 60 back to 30 mins. back in 1997 on the day that CBS returned to KIRO after that two-year absence to Channel 11.
Posted by 12th Man on October 5, 2010 at 12:06 PM · Report this
35
I always had it big for Mark Wright, although he seems very hetero which gives me less of a chance.
Posted by hott fire-crotch on October 18, 2010 at 10:26 PM · Report this
36
This has to be one of the most disgusting abuses of the Fourth Estate I've witnessed in a journalistic career dating back to 1976. As far as I'm concerned, The Stranger is an embarrassment to the profession and certainly does NOT speak Seattle. Merritt Scott Miller, editor, The Northstar Journal
Posted by minstrel312 on January 18, 2012 at 4:40 AM · Report this
37
Adrain, You are one sick bastard.
Posted by Blondie200 on February 7, 2012 at 6:48 PM · Report this
38
Jenny Hogan all the way. I would fuck her til we were both bleeding to death from rug burns. She's lost most of her sexy Aussie accent, but it slips out (like I wish her nipples would) every now and then, and it drives me nuts. Mary Nam at KOMO is pretty hot too. Jean Enersen? Fuck No! I think it was Dan Savage who described her as as looking like a pissed on corn flake (I still laugh when I think about that). I think that comment must have gotten to her cuz shortly thereafter she began showing signs of the bloated, bulging Botox syndrome. She's gotta be pushing 90, so the Botox is doing something. Maybe her complexion is more like shredded wheat now. Kathy Goertzen is fair game too, tumors or not. She doesn't need to talk for what I'm interested in, like those jugs! Megan Black is appealing too. Ever since I saw a momentary open blazer bra shot some years ago, I've wanted to see more. And I want to see her beating the shit out of that gardening freak Cisco (something tells me he'd love it). Cisco, on all fours, bound and gagged, and Megan just going ape shit on him with a really stiff riding crop, maybe a bamboo cane. Brutal beating ensues, Cisco jizzes, Megan pisses all over him and a bowl of his favorite brussel sprouts and smashes them in his face. Might have to go pay per view on that one. Jean Enersen is still the corn flake bitch. No amount of Botox, or tequila, could make her attractive. Eewww.
Posted by Jbuckwheat on February 22, 2012 at 5:29 PM · Report this
39
Jean Enersen in 79 is no real improvement. She still looks like a stuck up conservative cunt. Granted, her hair is a little better, and the corn flakes are still young, but she's still an elitist conservative twat that needs a good beating, or a good train pulled on her by a bunch of homeless dudes down under I-5 in the Jungle. That might wipe that snotty bitch look off of her face, but nothing can ever take away her corn flake complexion. Evil old twat needs a job in some aids infested African country where there's no tv for her to be on. Washing pus from infected blisters and buttholes might give her some humility, and may even improve her complexion (nah, that could never happen).
Posted by jbuckwheat on February 22, 2012 at 5:51 PM · Report this
40
I'd like to see Joyce Taylor interview Ren & Stimpy creator John Kricfalusi.
Posted by John Doe on March 3, 2012 at 9:43 AM · Report this
41
Now that Lily Jang has bolted for Houston, maybe Q-13 should hire Audra Schroeder, who is a fill-in anchor on NWCN & was previously morning news co-host on Bellingham's KGMI-790 AM. Perhaps Q-13's next news set will be chroma keyed,except for the weather center set & the desk will be a see-thru desk. Schroeder also worked for KIRO-TV.
Posted by Moonbeam on March 5, 2012 at 4:58 PM · Report this
42
I didn't know the local news had so many hot Asian babes! I'll have to start watching again.
Posted by TheBadSeed131313 on March 8, 2012 at 1:21 PM · Report this
43
KIRO's Monique Ming Laven ... indescribably and unbearably HOT!!
Posted by skookum on June 1, 2012 at 11:15 PM · Report this
44
A second (really, only two?!) vote for Meg Coyle.
Anyone who remembers her reports from the top of the Space Needle, the year the fireworks didn't work, will forever have that image of her in that gold dress forever seared into their memory.
She's definately more than a pretty face!
Jenni Hogan's not really "all that" in real life, but she sure cleans up nice on the TV!
Whenever I'm up early on the weekdays, I make sure to take in a little KIRO 7, just to see just how hot she's made herself up to be that day.
...and no votes for Denise Whitaker?
What the heck is wrong with you people?!...!!!
I wish she'd climb MY mountain! That woman will always be hot.
Posted by Fred Garvin on September 18, 2012 at 6:39 PM · Report this
45
I want and need to 69 the shit out of Joyce Taylor as shes wearing some serious leather High heeled boots. Need to feel my hands all over that ass while my tongue goes to work. I wonder how her knees are ?? !!
Posted by dspike on September 2, 2013 at 12:50 AM · Report this

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