So it's almost Halloween, and for some reason, you vanilla kids always get more curious about kink near Halloween. Maybe it's wearing sexy costumes, maybe it's the dark history of the holiday, but I get more "How do I do a BDSM scene?" e-mails this time of year than any other.

So, in a preemptive strike, I'll walk you through something real basic: an erotic spanking scene. Spanking is an ideal beginner's scene—it's easy to do, you don't need special equipment, and it flows easily into regular sex. Spanking is also a safe form of play. It would be really difficult to injure someone by slapping them on the butt and thighs. Our bodies are well suited to take impact there. Just don't hit the backs of the knees, and don't hit someone on the low back over the kidneys.

Speaking of safety, you should agree upon a safe word before beginning—if either of you says that word, the scene stops, immediately. Kinksters often use "red" to mean "stop," and "yellow" to mean "ease up a little."

Before you get cracking, think: What exactly is my partner's turn-on here? Is your spankee a straight-ahead sensation slut who can easily convert smacks on the ass into a sweet endorphin buzz? Endorphin bottoms—a gentler term for masochist—may be pretty directive about how they want to be spanked and can give a lot of minute-by-minute feedback, which can be helpful to the novice spanker.

Or is there a psychological element as well? Some people get aroused by being forced—consensually, of course—to take the spanking, or by being punished for doing something naughty. The sensation of the spanking may or may not be physically arousing to them. But it's a symbol of their surrender and their helplessness, and that's the sexy part for them. For example, you're punishing your partner for "forgetting" to wear panties and driving you crazy with lust. Or maybe it's a wrestling match and the loser gets his ass warmed up.

So you've played out whatever action frames the spanking, and you've got your sweetheart over your knee. Now what?

A little warm-up, that's what. Massage his/her butt firmly, rub it a little, and whack it lightly. Slap it gently all over, pausing now and then to massage it a little more. Do that for, oh, between two and five minutes, depending on how eager or nervous your lover is.

Now let's get a little more serious. Ramp up the intensity of the spanks. After each swat, watch and listen to your partner's response. First you'll get the flinch, and the tensed body as she processes the sensation. Then he'll breathe out and you'll feel his body relax. That's when you smack him again.

Keep going with this lather-rinse-repeat cycle, gradually dialing up the intensity. Err on the side of caution here, though. It's okay when the next day your partner is thinking, "He could have hit me harder," but it really sucks when he's thinking, "I wonder if I should call the police?"

When it comes to where exactly on the butt to aim for, think low and inside. The sweet spot is the part where the butt curves into the top of the thigh, closer to the crotch than the hip. Why? It's closest to the genitals, of course. If you want to extend the spanking, play with those sensitive places as you spank. Pain tolerance goes way up when people are being sexually stimulated. Keep a nice stream of dirty talk flowing, too. A spankee who's hearing how much you're getting off on the scene will push herself harder to please you.

As the spanker, you can end it when you think it's time, or you two can agree that you'll keep going until a safe word is used. I always think fucking wildly is a nice way to round out a spanking scene, but that's just me. Whether you fuck or not, be sure and do some of what we kinksters call aftercare. Kiss and cuddle your partner, tell him he did great, tell her how sexy she looked with her ass in the air and how hot she made you.

There. Now go dress up like a vampire or a naughty nurse and get kinky.

Kink Calendar



Live burlesque shows, and pinup models to photograph. Suggested dress: pajamas or lingerie. Fenix Underground, 109 S Washington St, 405-4314, 8 pm, ladies free.

FRIDAY 10/28


Are you sex positive and looking for like-minded people? Come to a presentation about the Seattle sex positive scene—the private clubs, the parties, and the entertainment. Afterward, share stories, ask questions, and just chat. Register at, 7 pm–9:30 pm, $40 couple/$25 single.


A two-day party to celebrate Halloween, with dinner and live music. Bring your naughty costumes and stay all weekend. Orientation required for all guests and new members, or for info and reservations.


The Halloween Gala & Masquerade Party. Erotic entertainment, with sexy Halloween activities. Little Red Studio,, 328-4758, 9 pm, $20, advance tickets recommended.



A gentle, non-threatening introductory class for the curious by Nalani Santiago. Wet Spot,, 270-9746, 3:30 pm–7 pm, free for members, $15 for nonmembers, registration required.

SUNDAY 10/30


Celebrate the season at Washington State's Premier Haunted Attraction™, featuring over 10,000 square feet of fear situated in kinky, kinky Whatcom County. Northwest Washington Fairgrounds, 1775 Front St, Lynden, 360-961-9787, 6 pm–10 pm, $7–$10.