If you watch enough daytime soap operas, then you already know the horrifying truth: Everyone on earth has an evil twin (or doppelgänger, if you will) roaming around and acting like a jerk. These doppelgängers are the ones who sleep with your best friend's boyfriend, steal prescription medication out of your bathroom cabinet, and spread vicious (and only partially true) rumors about your sexual proclivities. You have a doppelgänger, your dog has a doppelgänger, and your mom has a doppelgänger. Everybody has a doppelgänger—except for me. As it turns out, I'm someone else's doppelgänger.
That's right, instead of having an evil twin running around causing an insurmountable amount of damage to life and property, I'm the doppelgänger to someone nice who looks just like me. In fact, I even met him once, and hoooooo BOY! What a vagina he is. His name is Stan Boshwell, and he works at Best Buy in Minbum, Iowa. He goes to church every Sunday, devotes his spare time to cancer kids, and by now, probably drives a Prius. In fact, he's one of the nicest guys I've ever met. Which is why I almost felt guilty for stealing his identity. But it was like I told him: "Dude, don't worry about it—chicks dig guys with criminal records!" (And it's true... how do you think I convinced his wife to sleep with me?)
As it turns out, even Hollywood celebrities have doppelgängers—and sometimes they even make a TV show about them! That's why you should NOT miss the debut of A&E's newest reality program, The Two Coreys (Sun July 29, 10 pm). And who are these two Coreys? None other than Corey Haim and Corey Feldman—the child stars of such unforgettable late 1980s masterpieces as The Lost Boys, Dream a Little Dream, and perhaps the greatest work of cinematic art since Citizen Kane: License to Drive. Let's take a moment to scream like two prepubescent cheerleaders meeting Justin Timberlake. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
And while this twosome may have been every teenybopper's damp dream 20 years ago, I'm sad to report they have not aged gracefully. Both went through a series of drug-related downfalls, and while Feldman has managed to eke out regular acting jobs, Haim continued his downward slide and has only recently cleaned himself up. However, the two have remained in touch, and in The Two Coreys, the newly married (as well as vegan and smoke-free) Feldman invites the loud-mouthed and slobby (as well as meat-and-cigarette-consuming) Haim to stay with him and his wife, Susie, until he's back on his feet. What ensues is a reality comedy of Odd Couple–esque proportions that most people can relate to (especially if you've ever had a drunken college roommate who still tries to borrow money. By the way... can I borrow some money?).
And while they may not look exactly alike, Haim is definitely Feldman's doppelgänger, barging into his clean, obsessive-compulsive life like a bull in a hermetically sealed china shop. Hey... maybe my anti-doppelgänger Stan would let me stay with him and shoot a reality show about the two of us! Oh yeah... damn that restraining order, anyway.
Thursday, July 26
SCIFIWHO WANTS TO BE A SUPERHERO?
Season premiere! Dorks dress up as superheroes and compete in challenges in this cheesy, sweet reality show!
Friday, July 27
Germaphobe detective Monk visits a nudist colony to solve a murder while avoiding nude cooties.
Saturday, July 28
Season finale! A coast-to-coast exploration of why most felons are arrested without their shirts on.
Sunday, July 29
AÐE TWO COREYS
Debut! Slobby Corey Haim moves in with neat-freak Corey Feldman. Let the washed-up-celebrity high jinks ensue!
Tuesday, July 31
Debut! A new reality show about an obsessive-compulsive "house flipper" and his beleaguered employees.
Wednesday, August 1
In this fun series set in the 1960s, secretary Peggy is hit on by all the guys in the office (nowadays known as "sexual harassment").
Waitasecond... what if I have an evil triplet?? firstname.lastname@example.org