Recently I was eating dinner at Hana with my friend Miss K, the call girl, and she remarked that another pal is giving her shit about the fact that Miss K doesn’t say yes to every guy who responds to her ad. “If she hears me on the phone turning someone down, she says, I can’t believe you said no, you could have made all that money. And then she says, If I was a sex worker, I’d see, like, twenty clients a week.

I snorted. “Oh, the hell she would. She’s never done this, so she doesn’t have the slightest idea what she’s talking about. Tell her I said she should just shut up.”

But it’s a common myth—people who work straight jobs think: $250 an hour times 40 hours a week equals half a million dollars a year! Wow, call girls make bank!

Um, no.

For one thing, as with any type of service business, for every hour you spend in the presence of a client, you spend at least two doing unpaid tasks. Phone calls and e-mail take up a lot of time, as does traveling to and from appointments, or cleaning and maintaining your space. There’s also personal care—gotta get your legs waxed and your hair done—shopping for the necessary supplies, and keeping your advertising and your website current.

But the bigger factor is: What can you handle emotionally? You only have so much emotional juice, and if you see too many guys, it’ll make you crazy. I know what the perfect balance is for me, but I decided to conduct an informal poll of some working ladies to ask them the question: How many clients do you see a week?

Cleo: “I have slowed down lately because of school—two calls a week. During the summer, I will take four to six clients in a week. There was one week when I did 13 in eight days. At the time, it was great, but I don’t think I could do that many all the time.”

Fay: “I try to see at least two a day Monday through Friday. The most I have seen in one day was five. I don’t think I could do that five days a week, though.”

Alexis: “I began working just to make a fast buck, but I've decided this is the perfect career for a single 50-year-old woman. It would be great if I could see 20 clients a week, but I'd get burned out and resentful. I'm content with one or two clients daily, occasionally three, but that's rare.”

That all matches my experiences pretty closely. There were women who did more; however, it sounds like it takes a lot out of them.

Helen: “I do sensual massage with some extras, but not full-service (intercourse), and I see three or four clients a day, five days a week. By Friday, I'm wiped out.”

Brianna: “I have seen five in a day, which is too much. What I like is two a day. Ten hours a week is probably ideal. But if I had to, I could go to 15 or more. I would like a regular weekend like other people, but I have a mortgage to pay.”

Diane: “Women who aren't in the life don't realize it’s hard work and it steals a piece of your soul. I’m trying to give my children a better quality of life than a $15 an hour job can provide, so I see three clients a day, five days a week max. I think if I tried to do more I couldn't give quality service to my clients.”

Elissa: “When I started out I wasworking for an agency, [at] high volume—15 to 20 appointments a week. Now [as an independent] I will work a maximum of 10 hours a week and prefer 6 or 7 in order to remain sane. Some of the guys lately have made me want to quit the biz altogether, so I've cut back to just three in hopes that I can get a new outlook on this.”

Isabella: “I see an average of 3 to 5 clients a day, so between 21 and 35 a week. I can handle it, but then I am already crazy.”

FRIDAY 3/10

BDSM, LAUGHTER, AND MAKING A SCENE

Sometimes we in the BDSM community take ourselves too seriously. Allena Gabosch’s motto is: “If it ain't fun, why do it?” She’ll discuss using humor in BDSM and what to do when a scene suddenly goes from serious to hilarious. This workshop will conclude with a short and hopefully funny demonstration. School of One, 523-5544 or www.schoolofone.com, 8–10 pm, $20 donation requested.

LOVE LOUNGE SEATTLE

Love Lounge is an “adult social club” that holds events for bi women and male/female couples—no single men, please. Lovelounge@lovelounge.net, 9:30 pm, no cover, membership required, 21+.

SATURDAY 3/11

POLY POTLUCK

Open to people of all genders and orientations who are involved in or interested in polyamorous relationships. Wet Spot, www.scn.org/~spg or 728-4533, 5–8 pm, $3–$5 donation, membership not required.

KISSING SCHOOL

Kissing School is a safe, playful way to explore tantra and experience the kiss sublime. No previous experience necessary. Locale info at www.kissingschool.com, 10:30 am–5 pm, $325 per couple, preregistration required at website above.

GOOD SAM CLUB ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION

Celebrate the biblical principle of the Good Samaritan along with the great American kink of recreational vehicles at this 40th anniversary bash for the roadside do-gooders of the Good Sam Club. Camping World of Burlington, 1240 Old Highway 99, Burlington, WA, 1-866-337-4810, 8 am–6 pm.

SUNDAY 3/12

BACKDOOR BASICS: ANAL SEX 101

Babeland sex educators Audrey and Amber teach an introduction to anal delight, including a review of vibrators, dildos, plugs, and beads. Babeland, 707 E Pike St, 328-2914, 7:30 pm, $30/sliding scale available.

EROTIC MASSAGE NIGHT

Sensual touch for couples and singles, facilitated by David Longmire. No experience required. Wet Spot, massage@wetspot.org or 270-9746, 5–9 pm (doors close at 6 pm), $10, members only.

MONDAY 3/13

MOONDAY AT THE FENIX

Monthly fetish-fashion-photography event. Wanna shoot? Contact lady3cecily@yahoo.com. Wanna model? Dress up. Fenix Underground, 109 S Washington St, 405-4313, 9 pm, $5 in fetish wear, $15 in civies.