ANY FILM THAT begins with a drunken priest staggering through the streets of New York and tumbling into a garbage pile is automatically fine by me. And speaking of staggering drunks, I'm sure going to miss Andy Spletzer. Not because he's a priest or a saint or anything like that, but because wherever Andy goes, so goes his alter ego, Blammo! The Surly, Drunken Clown.

I first encountered Blammo! on the corner of 10th and Pike. He was wearing a lime green wig, a many-sizes-too-small jumpsuit, and blue, plastic clown shoes. He was holding court at the annual Block Party, and for entertainment, Blammo! was getting shitfaced. Barfing-in-his-big-ol'-clown-shoes shitfaced. I hear he passed out in the hallway of his apartment building that night. Imagine coming home to find that.

Speaking again of staggering drunks, it was Andy who allowed me to play the dream role of my life: Lady Brett Ashley. Though I have not yet viewed the film, I'm certain his six-minute adaptation of Ernest Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises is a masterpiece beyond compare. Mike Nipper played the matador with whom I had an affair, and Andy played Jake, the long-suffering companion of Brett who may or may not have had his dick shot off in the war. Through Andy's keen lens, Pioneer Square was transformed into Spain, and look-at-me-aren't-I-cool coffee joint Bauhaus became the French Riviera. Hopefully someday Andy will let me play the other dream role of my life: bitchy Steph from Quadrophenia. Andy has a Vespa, so he can play Jimmy.

So anyway, I was talking about Keeping the Faith, a film that stars Edward Norton as the drunky priest and Ben Stiller as a confused rabbi. They love the same girl, which is why the priest is all drunky. The film is directed by Norton and it's pretty good, but let's face it, he's no Andy Spletzer behind the camera.

Will The Stranger be the same without Andy?

Isn't it pretty to think so.