Though the Evite declared that this "Spring VIP 'Hot' Party" is "NOT AN ORGEY," the fact that 20 naked men are having sex when I walk in seems to imply otherwise. The air is steamy and chlorinated from the hot tub, which houses 12 comfortably. There's a food table—cold cuts, chips and salsa, and a delightfully sardonic tray of Li'l Smokies. The atmosphere—as listed in the Evite: "AN INTIMATE, PASSIONATE SOCIAL FOR HOT AND YOUNG STUDS TO MEET IN A COMFORTABLE, ROMANTIC CANDLELIT SETTING"—at first seems, well, a little intense, but really there's a lot of camaraderie among the sodomy.

Despite the fact that I'm wearing all my clothes and taking notes, the fuckers are very welcoming, nicknaming me "Straight Boy." "This one's straight, too... until he has a few drinks," someone chuckles, pointing at a shy young man who's wearing shorts that soon, impressively, prove to be tear-away. "Does your girlfriend know where you are?" another man scolds, in a teasing tone. Yes, in fact I had just taken her out for her birthday dinner before I had come here to cover the party. "And she's okay with that? You have the best girlfriend in the world!" he says. I agree, and this would have been a totally mundane conversation except that he was being fellated by an incredibly hard-working Gaysian man the entire time.

Another man, who is bent over and being reamed by a large, serious military type, cracks: "We should class this place up for Straight Boy... somebody open up the good guacamole!" Everyone laughs. Another pair of men are jerking each other off and discussing what sounds like office politics. In the 20 minutes I was there, I witnessed rimming, jacking, blowing, spanking, pile driving, three- through sixsomes, and the rarely seen Fingercuffs-with-Double-Jack-Off, known in some circles as a "Virgin Mary."

In the greeting room outside, the host, wearing a white towel, lounges in a chair. "What I'm doing here is unique in that I'm focusing on the younger crowd," he says. "We do safe sex, no drugs allowed, and no attitude." I agree that the men inside made me feel welcome and respected my boundaries, which is more than I can say for some straight parties that I've attended. The host seems relieved that he's thrown another positive, jerk-free event and he leans back in his chair, accidentally exposing his huge penis, adding: "I just like to bring people together."

Want The Stranger to make a note of the "NO LUBE IN HOT TUB" rule at your house party? E-mail the date, place, time, and party details to