Dear Mistress Matisse: What do you think about straight girls making out to get attention from guys?
I think it probably annoys some bona fide lesbians. And while I'm no longer a member of good standing in that particular club, I myself have been irritated by that can-I-watch? attitude from clueless guys when I've been at parties or clubs with female lovers. However, from what I've read and heard about it, this is mainly practiced by women in their teens and early 20s, and straight men fetishizing lesbian sex certainly predates their arrival on the sexual scene. So it's rather a waste of time to get mad at the kids. On the scale of things girls in that age range might do in order to be perceived as sexy, it seems relatively harmless. I'd rather see teenage girls Frenching other women than, say, getting breast implants, dieting to a point of emaciation, or having unsafe sex.
Plus, while all the girls interviewed about this in various magazines claim to be straight, I think it has to open up some erotic possibilities. Statistically, some of those girls are going to say to themselves, "Hmm, that started out just trying to turn the boys on, but you know, sucking face with Stephanie really made my panties damp." And that, my friend, is how a sweet young thing finds herself in the no man's land that is the Wildrose restroom, swapping spit with a hot queer girl with a labrys tattoo and pierced tongue, on her way to sexual experiences she never dreamed of.
I've fantasized for years about being an erotic slave, and now I've found a Master. But I find myself unable to let go and truly submit as Master wants me to. What can I do to overcome my inhibitions?
This is one of those vague questions that's challenging to answer because it deals with your unique view of what being an erotic slave means, and no one but you really knows what that is.
I will first mention that some fantasies don't translate well into reality, and it may just be that you're not cut out to be a slave. That doesn't mean you can't find erotic pleasure in letting go of control in certain circumstances; it just means it's not going to look exactly like what you were masturbating to all those years. But then, real life seldom does.
However, if you're firmly set on this course, realize that there is no one right way to be an erotic slave. There are examples in fiction, and if you're part of the BDSM community, in real life. But forget Anne Rice's wank novels, and forget what that wannabe dom hitting on you at the last munch said. This is about two kinky people getting together and creating a dominant/submissive system that works for them.
For the relationship to be emotionally fulfilling, that system has to reward the slave, in some fashion, for what he/she does for the Master. So if you feel you're not being as submissive as your Master wants you to be, then perhaps you and your Master should approach it from the angle of "what would make this more meaningful for me?"
That may seem contrary to what you think a slave's attitude should be. I don't mean that the relationship becomes totally centered around your needs. But I have encountered Masters or Mistresses who take the position that they will simply demand whatever it is they want, and leave it to the slave to come to terms with it by himself. If we're talking about how I want my coffee served, that's one thing. But if I want someone to achieve a deeper level of submission, where he is giving up a fair amount of control over his life, that's not how I approach it. I do not demand someone's consent to that; I seduce it.
I don't mean a strictly sexual seduction, although that can certainly be a potent lure. I mean that with my words and my behavior I entice them, I persuade them, I make them want to give me what I want. It's not your job alone to overcome your inhibitions and take yourself down deeper into submission—it is also your Master's.
THURSDAY 10/5RAIN CITY JACKS PARTY
Ostensibly a charitable event, wherein the hungry and affluent are encouraged to eat as much as possible at participating restaurants, which will donate a portion of their sales to two area soup kitchens, the Phabulous Phinney Pig Out is actually a devious plan to turn an entire neighborhood into a playground for the sexual gratification of one man: Aloisius P. Muench, graduate of Yale University, member of Skull and Bones, president of the Phinney Ridge Neighborhood Council, and a peculiar kind of voyeur—he likes to watch people eat. Call 783-2244 or see www.phinneycenter.org for additional information.
FRIDAY 10/6WOMEN-ONLY NIGHT AT THE WET SPOT
Socialize, flirt, and do BDSM with the girls. Tonight's theme: Uniforms! All orientations welcome. Wet Spot, 1602 15th Ave W, building E, 270-9746, firstname.lastname@example.org, 9 pm—3 am, $15, members only, female ID required.
SATURDAY 10/7CASCADE HANDBALLERS
This gay male fist-fucking organization meets at a private location in Seattle. Trim your nails. RSVP for location: email@example.com, $10 from 6—8 pm, $15 after 8 pm.
SUNDAY 10/8EROTIC MASSAGE NIGHT
Sensual-touch instruction for couples and singles, facilitated by David Longmire. No experience required. Wet Spot, 270-9746, firstname.lastname@example.org, 5—9 pm (doors close at 6 pm), $10, members only.HOW TO PLEASE YOUR WOMAN
Babeland sex educators have talked to thousands of women about what they like in the bedroom, and they want to share what they've learned. Babeland, 707 E Pike St, 328-2914, 7:30 pm, $30.POLYAMOROUS LIBERATION
Polyamory means many loves, and it can be a path to personal liberation, but it requires clear communication. Sex educator Teri Ciacchi will discuss the concepts of honesty and commitment in poly relationships, with suggestions for how to negotiate agreements that meet everyone's needs. Wild at Heart, 1111 NW Leary Ave, 782-5538, www.wildatheartxxx.com, 5:30—7 pm, $20.