I was sitting at a party with a friend recently when she asked me, a bit shyly, about CBT. She didn't mean computer-based training, or cognitive-based therapy. What she meant was cock and ball torture.
"I'd like to try a little bit," she said. "But I don't want to really hurt him."
It was similar to what I often hear from people new to what I call genital sensation play. People are intimidated by the word "torture," but in fact, we're not talking about illegal interrogation techniques here. This is just good, clean, kinky fun.
I can hear some of you now: "Why would anyone want to do that?" Well, for starters, let's be honest—even non-BDSM men do wacky things with their dicks in the quest for a new sensation. Lewis and Clark are pikers compared to some guys and the explorations they've sent their dicks on: vacuum hoses, apple pies, sheep. Not every guy, of course, but if you question an honest man long enough, odds are you'll uncover some story about his cock and something other than his hand or someone else's body.
And cocks are amazingly resilient, despite their sensitivity. Think about it from an evolutionary standpoint. That piece of flesh has to ensure the survival of the species, and yet unlike a woman's reproductive organs, it's not tucked up safely inside the body. It's dangling free, liable to get clawed by saber-toothed tigers or stomped on by woolly mammoths. Or tangled in zippers, or slammed in a drawer. They're tough things, cocks. I myself have done some very severe things to boys' bits, and they were perfectly fine and functional afterward, in spite of all that sissy wailing.
I'm teasing. The wailing is part of the fun. But even if you don't want your boy screeching like Jimi Hendrix's Stratocaster, there are safe, easy things to do that won't damage his wedding tackle. A good way to start is a little simple impact sensation. Today we'll just talk about impact on the cock proper, because balls have a personality of their own and should be addressed separately.
To start off, get a hold of your boy's dick before he's hard. You see, when the cock is hard, the contents—blood vessels and chambers, and the tissue itself—are all under pressure. The tension in the flesh makes the sensations more intense, obviously, but it also creates a situation where you're more likely to get a bruise or lingering soreness. I've never seen anyone die from a bruised cock, so it's not an emergency if that happens. But I think starting with it soft is a better idea.
Now, support it from underneath with one hand, and with the other, just give it a little slap. Not too hard—the kind of slap you'd use to kill a mosquito on a baby's body. Do that a couple of times and let him get used to the idea. Then slap it again, a tiny bit harder, and after you do, squeeze it gently with the supporting hand. Let your fingers caress a little bit. Then slap it again. Then caress it again.
You see where I'm going here. If you mingle the intense sensations with the more pleasurable ones, you can get away with a lot. (Sucking it and then slapping it works even better, but if you're trying to keep him from getting fully hard, that may not be the best bet.) Keep supporting his cock—you don't want to bounce the package around too much, and you don't want your slap to bend the shaft in the middle. If things are going well and you've got a toy you want to use, get it out. (A cheap cock-spanking toy: a paint stirrer. One of the shorter, thin ones. Just make sure you get the splinters off.)
If everybody is happy with the scene, you can ramp up the intensity of the slaps fairly high without fear of serious damage. Let his reactions be your guide. And one final thought: all breezy humor aside, genital-sensation-play can be emotionally intense. Go slow, keep in touch with your partner, stay attentive to his feedback, and make sure the experience you create for him is a positive one.
THURSDAY 10/19KATE BORNSTEIN: SEX-POSITIVE SURVIVAL
Renowned author, performance artist, and gender outlaw Kate Bornstein talks about her new book and offers a miniworkshop on living a joyfully sex-positive life, regardless of age, race, or class. All proceeds benefit Lambert House, a center for GLBTQ youth and their allies. Babeland, 707 E Pike St, 328-2914, 7:30 pm, by donation, 18+.RAIN CITY JACKS PARTY
FRIDAY 10/20MEN-ONLY NIGHT
A BDSM play party for the boys. Wet Spot, 1602 15th Ave W, building E, email@example.com or 270-9746, 10 pm—3 am, $15, male ID and membership required.VERONICA MONET: THE TRUTH ABOUT MEN
Veronica Monet has been paid $1,350 an hour for sex, but she knows how men can get laid for free, and secrets about men that women are aching to know. Veronica is a certified sex educator and the author of Sex Secrets of Escorts: Tips from a Pro. Little Red Studio, 1506 Franklin Ave E, www.littleredstudioseattle.com or 270-9746, 7—10 pm, $20.
SATURDAY 10/21LOVE LOUNGE SEATTLE
Love Lounge is an "adult social club" that holds events for bi women and male/female couples—no single men, please. Lovelounge@lovelounge.net, 9:30 pm, no cover, membership required, 21+.AL GORE
Al Gore will discuss industry, politics, and global warming while you indulge your wildest fantasies about what could have been. KeyArena, 305 Harrison St, 628-0888 (motherfucking Ticketmaster), 8 pm, $25—$45.
TUESDAY 10/24SEATTLE WOMEN OF LEATHER SOCIAL
A social meet and greet for women who like the cowhide. Wet Spot, www.seattlewomenofleather.org or 270-9746, 7—10 pm, by donation, female ID required, Wet Spot membership not required