MONDAY, OCTOBER 9 This week of emasculating pastels, incriminating tattoos, and glorious and surprising triumph kicks off today with a blast of lightning from a Croatian lady's anus. Details come from the Associated Press, which reports 27-year-old Natasha Timarovic had just finished brushing her teeth in the bathroom of her home in the Croatian city of Zadar when lightning struck. "I had just put my mouth under the tap to rinse away the toothpaste when the lightning must have struck the building," said Timarovic to the Zadar news channel 24 Sata. "I don't remember much after that, but I was later told that the lightning had traveled down the water pipe and struck me on the mouth, passing through my body. It was incredibly painful. I felt it pass through my torso and then I don't remember much at all." What Timarovic can't recall, an emergency worker supplies: "She was wearing rubber bathroom shoes at the time and so instead of earthing through her feet it appears the electricity shot out of her backside," said the unnamed medic to 24 Sata. "It appears to have earthed through the damp shower curtain that she was touching as she bent over to put her mouth under the tap." Despite suffering great pain and severe burning to her anus, Ms. Timarovic remains a lucky woman. "If she had not been wearing the shoes she would probably have been killed by the blast."

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 10 From the sexually stereotypical dresses of girlhood to the flash of flesh between female legs, pink has long been recognized as the color of femininity. But thanks to some imaginative doings at a Texas county jail, the beautifully prissy pastel might soon be celebrated for its ability to inhibit male aggression. Once again, details come from the Associated Press, which reports on the revolutionary color therapy administered to inmates at the Mason County Jail, where virtually every surface—from the prisoners' jumpsuits, slippers, and sheets to the jailhouse walls and bars—has been dyed or painted pink. Since the February 2006 pinkification, Sheriff Clint Low says there have been no fights between inmates and estimates the county's reoffense rate has plummeted 70 percent. "It's a good deterrent because I don't want to wear them anymore," said one inmate of the prison-issue pinks. Congratulations to Sheriff Low for harnessing the violence-reducing power of pink, and here's hoping the color spreads to uniforms worn by the U.S. military, Duke University's lacrosse team, and bouncers at the Showbox.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 11 The week continues with a jarring bit of déjà vu, as countless citizens were confronted by television footage of frightened New Yorkers looking skyward at a smoking high-rise. Unlike the worst day in contemporary American history, however, today's collision between airplane and building involved no terrorists, just a professional baseball player and his flight instructor, and instead of 3,000 casualties, there were only two. R.I.P. Cory "unlucky Yankees pitcher" Lidle and Tyler "unlucky flight instructor" Stanger.

•• Meanwhile in the Pacific Northwest, a Federal Way motel clerk lived through a nightmare, as a knife-wielding man forced the female clerk into an unoccupied room and raped her. Lucky for justice, the alleged rapist was a crappy driver, crashing his car on I-5 the day after the rape, leading emergency workers to notice the tattoo on the man's chest matching a description given by the victim. The ironic but actual phrase tattooed on alleged attacker Donald White's chest: "New York City's Gentle Giant." White will be arraigned on charges of first- and second-degree rape on October 25.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 12 Speaking of impressive legal dealings, today brought a stunning one-to-six-year prison sentence to Dunbar, Pennsylvania's Mark Downs Jr., the youth-league baseball coach convicted of corrupting minors and conspiracy to commit simple assault after promising one of his preteen players $25 to bean an autistic and mildly retarded fellow team member with a baseball before a game.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 13 Nothing happened today, unless you count the Lesbian and Gay Film Fest–commencing screening of John Cameron Mitchell's charmingly pornographic Shortbus. (Dear Shortbus star Sook-Yin Lee: Despite our homosexuality, we are totally crushed out on you.)

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 14 Today brings a fascinating Seattle Post-Intelligencer story about the Seattle Symphony, where disgruntlement over the renewal of embattled music director Gerard Schwarz's contract has reportedly transformed the symphony from a rarefied environment of semitones and spit valves into a hotbed of Mafia-flavored antagonism. The prime target: John Cerminaro, the wildly accomplished and acclaimed French-horn player who joined the Seattle Symphony Orchestra in 1995. Considered one of the prime allies of Schwarz (who is famously despised by approximately 98 percent of his orchestral subjects), Cerminaro has reportedly been exposed to an orchestrated (har!) campaign of harassment over the past year, with Cerminaro finding both a razor and a cup of hot coffee hidden in his Benaroya mailbox, either of which could have caused serious damage to his hands; other instances of dirty doings cited by the P-I include vandalized instruments, keyed cars, and "doorbells at musicians' homes rung anonymously at night." At a rehearsal yesterday morning, the symphony's interim executive director, Mary Ann Champion, addressed the burgeoning culture of thuggery, warning musicians against any and all such "inappropriate behavior" and promising "increased security." According to "sources," reaction by orchestra members was mixed, with one key player flipping Champion the bird as she left the podium. Thanks to P-I reporter R. M. Campbell for diving into the terrifyingly violent world of the Seattle Symphony Orchestra, and stay tuned for further news on the most fearsome local crew since the Rainier Valley Crips.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 15 The week ends with the aforementioned glorious and surprising triumph, as the now-they-suck-now-they-don't Seattle Seagulls scored a last-minute home run to claim victory over the St. Louis Clams. Go Seagulls!

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