Nov 9 Holmes commented on Savage Love.
NAME worried about their partner calling out in the middle of coitus and worried that it might be the other Erin/Aaron/A Ron (Hubbard)? Now you can see my problem as an atheist when my lover starts screaming "Oh God!"
Nov 3 Holmes commented on Savage Love.
@52: "more in terms of relationships and interactions, not necessarily bank accounts."

This, exactly.

Back in my generation (You kids stay off my lawn!) the idea of wealthy men hanging around the strip club or shagging the nanny was the norm. Not so much anymore. One thing 'enlightened' men have picked up from the sexual revolution (BTW, who won that?) was that there is some value in pairing up with social, emotional, professional, etc. equals. The parameters of attraction go well beyond just the physical. It's also about a power balance. The reason some women put up with Trump's groping was that he had that power and the ability to promote or destroy the women around him, depending on how compliant they were. Today, that shit just doesn't fly anymore.

Happily, I have observed that the supply of independent, professional, educated women has increased dramatically. So at least for us guys, the pickings are getting better. On the other hand, I do feel sorry for the women who are attracted to Bubba the Jock types. The salary and social status bonus attributed to male physical appearance is disappearing. Or it never existed beyond PR campaigns of the Bubba crowd. So when I talk to women who want a hot hunk, it's usually them that complain about being limited to the maintenance guy. The hot looking stud/CEO/PhD appears to be a unicorn these days.
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Nov 2 Holmes commented on Savage Love.
@40: "I still wonder how common are wife-driven scenarios in which they end up with an older, chubby guy."

I don't know how common that particular scenario is. Common enough that I get approached.
Nov 2 Holmes commented on Savage Love.
@32: I think cuckolding is about humiliation. And the further down the scale one goes (in one's partner's eyes), the worse that humiliation is.

That's why there are fantasies (and acted out instances) of a wife cuckolding her wealthy, professional husband with Bubba the jock, the pool boy or the gardener. On the other hand, in balanced polyamorous relationships, partners tend to play with their equals.
Nov 2 Holmes commented on Savage Love.
@13 Most women are looking for "guys who look like they ‘kick ass and take names’"

The bigger they are, the hotter the cuckolding is. Speaking as an old, short, fat, balding guy who is often selected as the FWB partner, this seems to be the case. It's not as big a deal to cuck a spineless jellyfish.
Oct 28 Holmes commented on Savage Love.
WOES: Orgasm as a sleep aid? You could always 'self medicate'.
Oct 19 Holmes commented on Savage Love.
@40: "molesters, catcallers and date rapists pick out people who look vulnerable as marks, but this is a learned behavior."

Only to a degree. It can also be a symptom of an underlying sociopathic personality. Teaching (particularly by people lacking experience in psychological disorders) can backfire.

"But you can't treat the men who engage in this behavior like Alpha Wolves;"

If it's a sociopath you are dealing with, they are quite skilled at controlling the people around them and maintaining a positive image in the eyes of others. Like Ted Bundy, for example. But sociopaths can be dangerous when confronted about their behavior. So as someone not in law enforcement or the mental health community, I'm not calling out someone that I have no responsibility for. Being a white knight just isn't worth my health or life.

"And as someone who's actually been in a women's locker room, I never heard anyone there talk about grabbing men by the dick."

I've had my ass grabbed a few times by women. And I've been told that the event was discussed in advance in the ladies room. And I've heard reports of who the Big Man on campus (and the not so big) are as well.
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Oct 19 Holmes commented on Savage Love.
@34: It's possible that you possess an air of self confidence that predatory men can sense. And they don't want to be confronted. And (hopefully) your daughter has inherited this from you.

Anecdote: I frequent a local gym (somewhat of a meat market). One lady there appears to be physically quite formidable (if that's a polite description) as well as attractive. But she cannot shut down approaches by some of the Trump types that hit on her. She just stands there with body language that says "I want to run." But she doesn't. Once, I invited a female friend, who can be described as cute, but also petite. I watched as one of the Leisure Suite Larry types approached her. He got about 10 feet from her until her stare just shut him down. And I've seen her do this with many men. It's one of the reasons I like her I guess. There is no question when I or anyone else has crossed her boundaries. She is polite about it, but firm.

I have a theory about the alpha male types. They are nothing more than skilled at selecting victims from the herd. It's not so much that they can score with any woman they want, but they target their efforts at the ones who don't have the deference to shut down an attack. Defenses against such alphas need to be taught early. Your daughter may be fortunate in that she had you as an example from an early age. Sadly, most parents only begin to think about teaching these skills when kids reach their pre-teen years. By then, a young woman may already have learned the quiet, submissive habits that will be harder to break.

Also, about that locker room talk: Yes, men do it. But I know a few women (who might have broken some female code) who have told me that it is just as bad in the women's locker room.
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Oct 15 Holmes commented on Savage Love.
@57: "because older women have a noted unwillingness to date guys who are younger than them"

Hmm. You must know different older women than I do. Most of my friends, once the child raising, family obligations are behind them, are quite eager to experience their MILF-ness.
Oct 14 Holmes commented on Evicted Ballard Resident Who Has Autism Stares Down Homelessness.
It's a sad fact of economics. Increasing demand for a fixed supply pushes prices up. And some dickhead landlord decides he can make market rates on an old bungalow. Or maybe sell to a condo builder.

Perhaps we can solve the housing (and many other) problems by admitting to ourselves that Seattle is full. No more high tech businesses and gentrification of older neighborhoods to satisfy the growth. The next business that comes to town should be told, nicely but firmly, to take their growth to Redmond or Everett. Eventually people will move out there. The demand for roads and/or transit will level off and older, cheaper housing will be left alone.