commented on Letter to the Editor: Please Don't Come to Spokane
@32 - I've found that using superlatives in any argument ("always", "never", "no one", "everyone", etc.) usually leads to either 1) being wrong, or 2) unnecessarily heightening tension in the discussion, often putting someone on the defensive ("you NEVER wash the dishes...!"), and I try to avoid them.
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Open Relationships Can Work (But This One Doesn't)
Having recently been through a poly relationship disaster eerily similar to DTMFAs (except a marriage instead of a house), I concur with Dan's advice. Especially the bit about exercise: Make yourself go for walks (runs, hikes, bikes, etc), in the woods, or an arboretum, or other natural setting.
I would like to add, though, that without close friends DTMFA may want to seek out professional services of a pro-poly therapist with whom to vent a little spleen, they can be a critical listening ear. Being an emotional basket-case might make it difficult to summon the energy to each out to distant friends; finding a therapist is easier.
A shrink will also be able to reflect back where your rage/bitterness/sadness/etc. is appropriate, and where you might be going off the rails, and help guide you back to healthy negative emotions.
If it's any help, things got better for me about a year out, then even better about 18 months out. I'm looking a the 2 year mark as the final phase. Hopefully.
good luck. :>(
commented on The Heart of Whiteness: Ijeoma Oluo Interviews Rachel Dolezal, the White Woman Who Identifies as Black
@10 - With all due respect, I don't fully agree with your response here:
@6: "she centers herself in her narrative and discards any facts which would upset her centering. That's white privilege."
No, that is just kind of what almost every human on the planet is biologically and socially conditioned to do.
So yes, humans tend to be solipsistic and consider most things from their own perspective, often to the exclusion of understanding other people's p.o.v. or situation.
But the difference with privilege, particularly with regards to power, is that when you don't have power you can readily see two perspectives: The perspective of those with power, and your own (and/or those like you).
The people born into the top societal privileges (eg. me as a white male) tend to be completely blind to others' perspectives and narratives. We are the one's who assume our reality is everyone's reality. (This is why while male douchebags act entitled, and why racists don't understand that they are racist.)
A black woman, upon encountering me, (I believe), will have an immediate sense of what my likely narrative is, what my power is, what my "privilege package" is -- it comes across in the implicit assumptions in what I say & do. While I'm very unlikely to understand her narrative and where her power is, or is not -- how her "privilege package" differs from mine.
Remaining ignorant of her perspective, I will simply map over hers with my baseline operating assumptions. I will naturally center my narrative over everyone else's, and operate as if everyone sees what I see & can do what I can do. That's my privilege in operation. But someone without my power, will have a very different awareness & recognize both perspectives.
And that is specifically Dolezal's privilege as a white person.
Most likely she holds a two-perspective understanding of male vs female privilege, but she appears to not have either truly understood it, or has not applied that knowledge to her appropriation of blackness.
commented on Excerpt: We Sent Ijeoma Oluo to Spokane to Meet Rachel Dolezal
@17 - Yeah, I agree with @23: "Most" people don't accept gender as a social construct. In Seattle's hyper-progressive (haha) bubble, sure, some do. But even here we have trans bashings. Go elsewhere and they write laws to crystallize majoritarian gender perceptions.. and discrimination.
And race IS a social construct, it just is a construct that results in passed over job applications, lynchings, and spray-painted swastikas. In late 19th and early 20th century Irish immigrants were considered a different 'race', and were actively discriminated against on that basis. But that all faded when people stopped being able to tell them apart from majority white society.
Dolezal sounds crazy, but still suffers from fundamentally racist perceptions. She clearly has not done that much deep thinking about what she's doing, and appears to not really want to (or is incapable).
As to who gets to decide who is a "real" black woman? Well, the NAACP-Spokane sure made a clear decision.
commented on Guest Editorial: Seriously, Enough With the Tax Breaks for Special Interests
End these Entitlements! Why do we let lazy layabouts get away with not paying their fair share?! While hard-working taxpayers of America foot the bill!! These slackers need to STEP UP TO THE PLATE and stop sucking of the governmental teat. They have taken too much, and returned very little. TIME TO PAY IT BACK, CORPORATE SLACKERS!
commented on The Morning News: Seattle Can't Be Bothered to Collect a Bunch of Cash for Affordable Housing, an Ugly Statue of Ken Griffey Jr. Unveiled
@22 - I know exactly what I wrote, and I said nothing about the morality or financial acumen of a business owner's decision, in a hostile marketplace, to shed workers and automize in an attempt to escape being bulldozed by the Amazaibatsu.
Are you suggesting that corporations should be allowed to run roughshod over their workers, or potential workers? Do we, as a society, find it in our mutual benefit to prevent avoidable homelessness? Will America EVER Be Great Again if we have a permanent underclass? Or are we still trying to escape the 18th Century?