AnathemaT
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May 16, 2012 AnathemaT commented on Savage Love.
I read 50 Shades of Grey in order to review/dissect it for a BDSM-oriented zine. It didn't take long for me to deeply, deeply regret taking on the assignment. Much like Twilight (which I foolishly started to read out of morbid curiosity, but gave up because it was execrable), it might have been an okay if slightly lame book if it were about 50% shorter. But oh my god the whining and longing and overthinking. It's a tiny little romance novel in an enormous tedious package.

The one and only thing I can say about it is, silly as most of the story is, I do think the author did some research, or at least talked to (and more importantly, listened to) some real kinksters. The "Dom" character is a real person (a fabulously rich emotionally tortured real person with chiseled abs, but still). He doesn't spend the entire book being aloof and sadistic, he's actually occasionally goofy and silly. Like a real human being who happens to be kinky.

There's a lot of talk about negotiation and hard limits, and the tiny tiny oh my god I read 300 pages of moping for this one slightly hot scene? play they do is realistic--not overly elaborate, and she gets to yellow out if she wants to. I'm not saying that made the book good or believable, but a soccer mom who reads it will get a much better grounding in BDSM than those of us whose first literary forays into wiiwd were The Marketplace or the Sleeping Beauty books (which are far more wankable--even in an office bathroom--but not something you could build a real relationship on).

The hilarious part is his list of hard limits. In additional to the standard hard limits like scat, children, and animals he includes knifeplay, fire, and electrical. And if I recall correctly, watersports as well. And needles, but I do know a lot of folks who are squicked out by needles, so I;ll give him that. But really? Knives? I think at least cutting someone's clothes off is sort of SM 101a. And fire and electrical are pretty bog standard as well. Maybe not everyone's thing (I've dated one very, very kinky person who couldn't even top with a violet wand in case she got accidental shocks), but putting them on your "I will not even consider this, not even if you bake me cookies and ask very nicely" list seems . . . unlikely. Just sayin'.
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Nov 13, 2011 AnathemaT commented on I, Anonymous.
I don't drink alcohol; I was drugged by something that must have been slipped in a diet Coke, my bar drink of choice (why was I, a nondrinker, at a bar? Because I love going out dancing, and this end up in places where others are drinking quite often. Because I know some troll is going to ask!) The paramedics whom we called said it was probably GBH and that, while I could go to a hospital, I would be okay if I just drank a lot of water and was in a safe place. Not happy, not safe from predators, but not in danger of death or serious injury. SO yeah, didn't get a lab test, didn't file a police report. I felt so gross and nothing bad actually happened to me (luckily I had friends to take care of me) so didn't bother. I guess I deserved a night of puking and shivering because of my disgusting diet soda habit. Hopefully other young women will learn from my slutty ways . . .
Jul 4, 2011 AnathemaT commented on I, Anonymous.
Wait, your ex roommate has a fax machine? What is he, a tyrannosaur?
Jun 3, 2011 AnathemaT commented on Control Tower.
A great thing I read in some FetLife forum . . . "I'm a kinky person. Therefore, whatever kind of sex I'm having, it's kinky sex."

And I do agree about "running the fuck." My former partner and I were both majorly switchy, and often switched in mid scene--and I think that was true for sex as well. Even in a fairly vanilla scenario, the lead would switch back and forth. And one thing we always joked about . . . in our swing-dance class, the instructor used to always say, "Every error is the lead's fault." I don't really agree, but it's still funny.
May 18, 2011 AnathemaT commented on Control Tower.
@shameless . . . well, golly, that sort of thing is exactly why I hate the term "poly"! For all intents and purposes I am, and it's easier to use the word because it's what the kids are calling it these days.

That said, whatever my husband and I have been doing for the past 25 years (which basically involves being respectful to each other, and to each others' partners, and checking in to make sure everybody's okay) may not be proper poly according to Hoyle, but it works for us. It's worked for a number of secondary partners on both sides over the years.

I had no idea that calling to find out if it's okay for me to spend the night away or if he'd like me to reschedule means my poly card has to be revoked. Oh well, I guess I'll just go back to calling myself a "free-range pervert" and hope I don't break the rules for that as well.
Mar 18, 2011 AnathemaT commented on I, Anonymous.
A 1973 copy of Penthouse Forum called. It wants its sexual terminology back. Actually, did anyone ever ask to have their "box" "munched" even in those dark days?
Mar 12, 2011 AnathemaT commented on SLLOTD: The Birthday Party.
It's interesting to me that the BDSM scene is so sexy in New York! Here in San Francisco, fucking at a (hetero) play party is so rare that people joke about it, and why pervs are such prudes. It's like, there's Kinky Salon, where you can fuck but a paddling will get you curious looks, or the Citadel where you can do bloodplay and set people on fire, but a blowjob is practically scandalous. I don't think gay parties have these issues but straight people, man, they're weird! And I say that as one of them. Oh yeah, there was Debaucherama where you could do heavy scening and have group sex, but sadly that party doesn't exist anymore.
Mar 10, 2011 AnathemaT commented on Tipping the Maid.
@104 . . . aha! Was it you in the Sea Cliff Motel back in the late 1980s? Because, sir or madam, that was not appreciated. Really. Immodium is great stuff.
Mar 10, 2011 AnathemaT commented on Tipping the Maid.
@103 . . . I agree that it would be super neat if every job in America paid a living wage and didn't involve dealing with situations ranging from irksome to downright horrific (I was a motel maid one summer back in high school. I have cleaned human excrement off of floors--and this was a nice motel in an upscale resort town. I can't even imagine how badly people behave in cheaper places, human nature being what it is.)

Of course it's your right to not tip your waitress, bartender, hairdresser, doorman, masseuse, hooker, motel maid, or anyone else. But when a few bucks can make someone's day that much nicer, is it really so dreadful?

(As a maid, I always appreciated a nice note too. Some people even left us snacks! One girl claimed she was left weed as a tip, but that never happened to me.)
Mar 9, 2011 AnathemaT commented on Control Tower.
My boyfriend and I once did a Sarah Palin–themed rape play scene. He had to hit me pretty damn hard to keep me from snickering when saying things like, "Am I a filthy little slut? You betcha!".