Oct 8, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Only the Lonely
Oh, trust me, as hard as it is to be a chubby introverted guy, it's 10 times worse to be a chubby introverted girl. I have never been approached or hit on in my 27 years of life, and any time I've done the approaching, I've gotten this same response: a guy will sleep with me, but will consider me "below his caliber."
At least girls don't sleep with guys they find physically abhorrant (excluding gold diggers, of course.)
Apr 18, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: He Threw You A Bone—Throw It Back
It may also surprise you. I was in an FWB for about 2 months when I finally turned to him and said," Hey, I know you're not ready for a relationship, so I think I'm gonna need to back off the benefits part. I need to find someone who wants to date me exclusively."
His response," Oh, I thought we already were."
... Still dating 8 months later. But don't hang your hat on this, OP, it was a bizarre situation. (And I kinda suspect he gets antsy with monogamy, though he's turned down my Poly invitation every time.)
Feb 29, 2012
commented on Savage Love
Can I just say it is so wonderful to hear the support of HEARTBROKEN on this forum?
I was in a less-intense situation myself earlier: really into the idea of a 3some, but turned a particular girl down (cause she was a malicious motherfucker.) Then found out my partner had been sexting her behind my back AFTER I communicated to him that it was never gonna happen with her.
On top of the broken betrayal, I felt intense guilt about whether I was being too prudish or restrictive, not "GGG" enough. Heartbroken, you are a saint, and a gem among women. Dan doesn't often call out people's partners... take that as a sign of just how guiltless and wonderful you are in this situation!
Feb 17, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Lying Liars
I guess I got the impression from the letter that she wanted to open up the relationship, and he denied it, thus the sentence about how he didn't want her sleeping with other guys. He then turns around and does it anyway, while ensuring that his girlfriend stays monogamous.
Feb 15, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Anger Mismanagement
I'm currently in a somewhat similar situation (replace "Best Friend" with "former FWB", "elaborate sex ritual" with "sexy chat", and "they're staying friends" to "he cut off contact.")
My question in this situations is always: why cheat?? In this situation especially. The boyfriend is having hot sex with his best friend. Why in the world don't they just break up with their primary partners and be together? They have both the sexual and the emotional component. In HA's shoes, that'd be the big question I'd be asking.
My bf's answer to that same question was," She's just for sex," just as context.
Feb 3, 2012
updated his or her location.
Feb 3, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Convention Wisdom
I'm chubby, as opposed to overweight as well (5'1" and 125ish pounds), and guys aren't attracted to me either (and yes, I work out and eat right, I just can't lose the weight. Body fat is pretty low though, so yay.) My friends also always come back with the "oh it's all in your attitude and confidence!"
But I have never understood this reasoning. I have seen some truly awful-personality/attitude people gets tons of attention. Some of my friends are even more insecure about their looks or complain about their weight more than I do, and get lots of male attention.
How does the "oh it's your attitude" theory explain that??
Jan 5, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Monogamish Week, Day 2
I come away from these discussions feeling so utterly depressed. I generally have a high libido, but sometimes my sex drive has veered off the rails for no discernible reason... Without a reason, it's kind of hard to fix it. When I've been in relationships, I've tried to force myself through the motions, but there's something..... soul-sucking about it. I can't fully explain why. Maybe because my lack of sex drive really IS some sort of deep psychological scar, and having sex without passion is like poking at it, never letting it heal.
But what makes me the most depressed is the idea that my future husband could one day decide that I'm not giving him enough sex for a long enough period of time (what's my grace period? One month? A year? 2-4 years?) and without even discussing it with me, go and cheat. It makes sex seem less like a wonderful intimate act and more like a controlling chore, something to be suspicious of and anxious about.