Blackwood
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7:51 AM Blackwood commented on SL Letter of the Day: Psychopathic Tendencies.
I echo @21's perspective: gee, he always asumes that he's the smartest person in the room, admits that he's kind of an asshole (when someone admits something like that about themselves, it's usually downplayed) and wonders why he can't make a connection with anyone. Maybe it's just me, but I couldn't see myself getting wet in the pants on the perspective of bonding with someone who thinks I'm not on their intellectual level and is rude/sort of a dick.
May 20 Blackwood commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Two Birds, One Stone.
@20 it was supposed to say "stripped" and "gets". beer is not my friend ;)
May 20 Blackwood commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Two Birds, One Stone.
@16, Chi
yeah, I also judge any adult that dates a barely legal (or illegal, sometimes) person. but most of the times, the younger person feels striped of agency and patronized when someone points that out, and get defensive as a result.
May 20 Blackwood commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Two Birds, One Stone.
@12 Chi,
if we're only deducting from her words, it would seem like she never liked him all that much but was willing to put up with him because she didn't think she could do any better: "I realized now how attractive I am and I don't want to have sex with him anymore". It sounds an awful lot like "if I only knew back then how much bargaining power I had on my hands, I wouldn't have settled for this pudgy old guy". Of course, we don't know her overall situation, maybe she was broke and homeless and marrying him was the only way she saw to a comfortable living, but we can't infer that from what she actually wrote.
I think if she had a "reasonable cause" for marrying someone she seems to dislike so much, she would have included it in the letter. Most LWs make an effort in order to sound nice, if she had something to make us sympathize with her she would have mentioned it.
May 17 Blackwood commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She's Tired of Tickling the Boyfriend's Balls.
@38, except he's not anorgasmic. he does have orgasms, just not the kind LW wants him to.
May 16 Blackwood commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She's Tired of Tickling the Boyfriend's Balls.
@4 but he doesn't come instantly out of wild desire and lust for the LW! that clearly means he does not find her irresistible enough!
seriously though, while I can understand the logic in "I want to feel like a competent lover" and "I like to know he finds me attractive", it seems like this woman protests too much. I'm sure a lot of her friends who date older men, or even herself in the next five years, would kill to have this problem.
Apr 30 Blackwood commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Undercutting Remarks.
Also, even if ex GF would want to revise her position, maybe the LW's expectations are petrifying her. I know that when I'm confronted with someone of the "say what I want to hear" persuasion, I tend to disengage completely, because I know saying the "wrong" thing may cause an explosion.
Apr 30 Blackwood commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Undercutting Remarks.
@26 Cat,
like I said, in this case, I fully believe ex-GF owes LW an apology. However, it's most likely she won't get it, and the fact that she keeps on hoping the ex will eventually ask for forgiveness means she's giving her a power to hold over her head. This is what's really poisonous about the "I want/need to talk to x, and want/need to hear x say this particular thing" mindset: that it sets x up for failure (by not fulfilling your needs) and sets you up for disappointment that won't go away until x says what you want to hear or you finally stop expecting things that hold you down and keep you tied to x. The more LW keeps expecting things from her ex, the more power the ex GF will have over her, which prevents LW from moving on. I mean, whether she likes it or not, she's already been dumped. She can't undo it, she needs to accept it and hanging on this "I didn't get an apology/ get dumped for a reason I believe is fair" is only setting her back.
Apr 29 Blackwood commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Undercutting Remarks.
"I went into the conversation expecting an apology"
I hate when people do this. I know in this case, LW was right to expect that, but I find people who ask your opinion about something or demand you talk to them and then get pissed when you don't say what they want to hear to be completely insane. I know I'm taking this too far, but as someone whose mother always does this, few things unnerve me more than someone getting mad when I fail to recite the script they already wrote for me in their minds.

About LW and ex: let her go, she's clearly too unstable right now. Seriously, someone who all of a sudden blows up for something as silly as a haircut reeks of control freak. Be grateful you didn't actually go on vacation with such a volatile person. Can you imagine being on a trip with her and having to deal with an outburst like this one when you're already miles away from home?
Apr 29 Blackwood commented on Savage Love.
@100, Undead
indeed, that's how I read it too. I'm shocked nobody pointed that out. I mean, someone is basically insulting our whole gender treating us as stupid because we dare to exercise our right to decide who we want to sleep with, and we're supposed to do what? curl in fetal position and cry? apologize for not wanting to have sex with someone who wants sex with us?. I think that mocking is the healthy way to deal with the outright fear that some of us feel when we are confronted with the outrageous contempt and entitlement men feel towards our bodies and our lives, and the vitriol we are often subjected to if we reject or ignore them.