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Aug 10 gueralinda commented on This Washington County Just Surprised Everyone and Banned All Fossil Fuel Export Permits for Two Months.
I live within 5 miles of the proposed export terminal (one site at least), on the state highway that leads to cherry point. I was present at the county council public hearing regarding the comprehensive plan and spoke in favor of banning future fossil fuel exports. Many other people had already spoken about the global impacts of exporting thousands of tons of fossil fuels annually to China; also many people had spoken in support the Lummi tribe and their
Opposition to increased ship traffic that would disrupt thier treaty rights, so I chose to speak purely about the local effects (after expressing my solidarity with former speakers). The highway I live on is already a very dangerous road, with several fatal accidents in the last couple of years. Dozens of tanker trucks daily go up and down this road from the refinery to the freeway at 60 MPH, putting residents in danger as they try to pull in or out of their own driveways. A large percentage of residents with driveways on this highway are elderly farmers who have lived here all their lives. Greatly increased truck traffic related to new export terminals would only increase the danger. These same deisel trucks are responsible for fumes that increase the risk of asthma, cancer, and other health problems of local families. Perhaps I would be willing to bear these increased risks of there were a clear benefit to the community in constructing these ports, but that is
not the case. Very few new jobs are projected - and most of those temporary jobs related to
Construction. In no way does that short term, limited benefit balance out the long term and irreparable harm
To our community, our landscape, our marine resources, and our relations with indigenous sovereign peoples. I have confidence that the county council will do the right, forward thinking thing and ban fossil fuel exports from whatcom county in perpetuity.
Jul 7 gueralinda commented on Savage Love.
Holy moly on the "perfect kids" debate. Way back at #7 I echoed the LW's words by saying I was also a long term married monogamist with two perfect children... Now I feel obliged to disclose that no, I do not actually live under the delusion that my children are some sort of supernatural beings or members of a superior race or time travelers from a future in which humanity has achieved perfection - whatever that might mean. I agree with whoever said above that having "perfect children" is like saying "I'm doing great thanks" when asked how you are doing. As a matter of fact, my perfect children are in the throes of adolescence and driving me up the wall daily. It's all I can do some days not to smack thier smug little faces. Yet, I described them as "perfect" to strangers on the Internet. All that means is "I love them and I'm not interested in discussing thier shortcomings when it is utterly irrelevant."
Jul 5 gueralinda commented on Savage Love.
CMD thank you for sharing a little of your experience with SAA. I don't know about the woman in this letter, but I have no doubt that for some people harmful promiscuity can be a compulsive, addictive behavior (mandatory disclaimer- not all sluts have an addiction disorder! Promiscuity is not a sign of poor mental health! Ad infinitum!) I also have a little experience with a different 12 step program and found it to be very helpful - even though I opted not to stay with it long term.
Jul 5 gueralinda commented on Savage Love.
Ven- as usual your references leave me feeling desperately uninformed. I do so enjoy your posts, even so.
Jul 5 gueralinda commented on Savage Love.
LW1 I am so sorry for the pain and heartbreak you are going through. Whatever ultimately happens, I wish you and your family the best. Like you, I am a committed monogamist in a long term
Marriage with two perfect children. I honestly have no fucking clue what I would do if I found out something like you did. I think it is commendable and
Noteworthy that you can even think about the love you have for your wife and about the wellbeing of your children. I know for me, the greatest pain in finding out about betrayal like that would not be about the fact of sexual infidelity, but about the discovery that my partner could deliberately hurt me so badly, for any reason whatsoever. I don't know if I would want to keep living with somone who could do that to me. But what makes it so hard, and what glib "DTMFA" commenters don't understand, is that the same person who did that also loves you and supports you and gave birth to your children and parents them and shares their soul with you in a thousand ways. If you decide to leave no reasonable person could blame you. But if you decide to try and heal your marriage, don't ever let anyone make you feel like a chump about it. It would take an amazing act of generosity and be a great demonstration of courage and faith and dedication to your family. Good luck, either way.
Jul 2 gueralinda commented on Savage Love.
CMDwanabe @22
Perhaps she did consider the various aspects of stripping before she started - I only know that I didn't. But then, I was 19, broke, and kind of dumb. Seemed like an easy way to make rent. It was only as time wore on (yes, I did it for about two years) that I realized I was becoming a person I didn't like very much, and moreover a person who didn't like anyone else very much, either. And no, I wouldn't characterize the job as "traumatic" - although a few traumatic things happened on the job - more as slowly soul-killing. Again I'll repeat that I know there are lots of sex workers who don't have that experience at all. It's a tough job that makes some demands on your psyche that not everyone is prepared to deal with. If I were in the position that the friend is - if I cared deeply about a young woman who had recently started stripping or doing other sex work, I would want to have a conversation with them about it. I wouldn't wring my hands and get all overwrought like this letter writer (I hope) but I would want to ask them if they know what they are getting into. This is assuming it's someone I am close to. Far from being an asshole thing to do, I think it's what a good friend does. Express loving concern and ask their point of view. Then back off, whatever their reply, because it is after all their life, thier choice, and i know I can't predict what their experience will be or assume it will like my own.
Jul 2 gueralinda commented on Savage Love.
Jul 2 gueralinda commented on Savage Love.
And as for putting off persistent men, I have tried a bunch of strategies, including the "I have a boyfriend" route. When "thanks but no" doesn't work, I follow up with "leave me alone!" And that usually does it. But I tailor
My response to the individual - once I said, to an older courtly man who was nonetheless being extremely persistent "a gentleman would never make a lady say no twice." He literally bowed and walked away. Then again on another occasion I had to do the full on scaring off a bear technique complete with screaming and waving. That wasn't really a come on though- that was a guy who followed me down the street muttering obscenities and finding himself.
Jul 2 gueralinda commented on Savage Love.
Two cents late in the day- I worked as a stripper for a few years a long time ago. Speaking only for myself, I did experience adverse effects on my psyche. In fact the main reason I quit was that, as a straight woman, I hoped to one day fall in love with a man and I could feel myself souring on all men, since I pretty much only saw them in their worst light at work. I didn't like the resentment I could feel becoming entrenched. I didn't like smiling at and flirting with men who I felt actually disdained me (or I them) for
money. Or pretending an attraction when I actually felt disgust. I felt that we were engaged in a transaction that exploited both of us. And there was indeed a feeling of power, but I disliked that feeling; it felt mean and I knew it was another block to developing a real relationship with a man. Obviously plenty of sex workers don't feel like I did - and good for them. But I do believe there is a not-insignificant percentage of women who find Sex work harmful and I don't think the friend is an asshole for worrying about the possibility.
May 9 gueralinda commented on Army Corps Sides with Lummi Nation: North America's Largest Coal Terminal Will Not Be Built on Sacred Site.
I live within five miles of cherry point. The Lummi may possibly have saved the world with this fight, but they have certainly saved my home, for which I thank them. I went to the whatcom county council's public hearing on their comprehensive plan last week, and spoke to the council in support of the Lummi's request to rezone cherry point in such a way as to preclude future fossil fuel export terminals. It is the right thing to do for so many reasons, only one of which is honoring our legal contract with the Lummi, the treaty of Point Elliot 1855.