commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Stamping Out "Just My Preference" Gays
I agree with the person who said have your preferences but don't advertise them on your profile. Or if you must, do it as a "plus" for your likes, not a "minus" for your dislikes. I had a thing for men from a specific ethnic group when I was younger. I'll even admit to kind of sort of "fetishizing" them. I never used dating apps; I just hung out at places where there were a lot of guys from that group (Okay! Okay! It was Latino dudes and I learned to salsa dance!) I certainly never ruled out dating anyone based on their race, national origin, or physique - I just flirted with the guys who turned me on. I fail to see how that can be construed as racist. Eventually I married one of the Latino dudes that I dated. - not because he was Latino, but because after dating him for a while I fell in love. I might be wrong but I think that's how it's supposed to work ;)
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Marathon Man & Woman
I don't see any great options here other than avoiding PIV entirely (which doesn't mean five days of anal-only!! Sheesh) or condoms. Withdrawal is more effective than we were all taught in school, but it requires a lot of trust in the part of the woman. If it were me, meeting an occasional lover and going bareback with no backup, there's no way in hell I could relax enough to enjoy myself. Just out of curiosity - men? What's the more desirable option? Wearing a condom and being able to ejaculate inside your
Partner, or going in naked but having to pull out?
As far as a UTI, I actually find that the irritation from a condom is more likely to cause symptoms than a naked penis. And yeah, five days in a row of multiple rounds would probably provoke one no matter how clean we were.
Dec 13, 2016
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Stop pathologizing your husband
I remember this letter, and I still think what I thought then - a person who is having daily sex AND masturbating twice a day? Okay, it's not impossible but it is unusual. Has he always been like this or is it new behavior? SOMETIMES excessive masturbation can be a coping mechanism for stress or depression. How is everything else in his life? If it's all hunky-dory, then yeah, she needs to just give him plenty of space and let him wank his horny little heart out. But I think it's not crazy to dig a little deeper and find out if there's something behind it.
Nov 29, 2016
commented on Savage Love
I'm sorry, I had to quit reading after Dan's one-word answer ("pot") to the trans woman with the anorgasmic girlfriend. Dan, that's sheer negligence. Sure, pot is not a bad idea to try, but this was not the occasion for a one-word answer. This question shouldn't have been in the "quickie" pile. For one thing, pot might help some people relax enough to come, but it turns other people into a twitchy, extra-self conscious wreck, and that's no good for sex. For another, a presumably adult woman (don't think ages were provided?) who has never had an orgasm is a problem that deserves a little respect from a sex-advice guru like Dan. Girlfriend says she has "never had" an orgasm so I presume that includes masturbation and that makes it a less
common and more difficult problem than somone who orgasms alone but
not during partnered sex. My advice would be for her to work on the masturbation first - her girlfriend could, for example, give her a high powered toy and some alone time in the afternoons. If that doesn't work, it's not a bad idea to see a gynecologist or a sex therapist. There are anatomical or psychological reasons she might not be coming, and I think it's worth it to visit somebody about it at least once. Her girlfriend could say something along the lines of "I really want to help make you happy sexually. I would love to feel you come. If you're happy the way things are, I understand but I just want you to know that I'd be happy to go
With you to a doctor or somebody if you want to do that." Also, I'm not sure if the letter said how long they'd been together, but some women take longer than others to really get to the level
Of trust they need in a partner to let loose and come. In my case that period of time was always a lot longer than my partners thought it should be. Lastly - letter writer is a trans woman. It's entirely possible that she has a biologically stronger orgasm response than her cis-partner. We all know that it's much less
Common for bio-guys to have trouble orgasmimg than it is for
bio- girls. Perhaps she is bringing an
expectation that is related to her particular body and history. Be patient, your love and goodwill will win out in the end. Combined with really excellent tongue skills.
Nov 29, 2016
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Done Dumped Me Wrong
This guy is in his late thirties? His letter reads like it was written by an angst-ridden 20 year old. She's already given him way too much "explanation." If I were her I'd probably be steaming from the ears and shouting "This! This shit right here is why I'm breaking up with you!"
Nov 24, 2016
commented on How to Get Through Thanksgiving at Your Right-Wing Family's House
What about.... Honoring the spirit of the holiday by finding things we are actually grateful for and sharing that with each other? I've spent the last couple of weeks reeling around in horror and babbling incoherently (and calling my representatives, and going to marches, and organizing events, and and and...). I really feel ready to take a 24-hour break from all that and just be grateful to have a huge amount of delicious food and a nice roof over my head, and people to share it with. I can go back into action-mode on Friday. We don't have to take EVERY SINGLE opportunity to start a discussion (or a fight). It's really okay to take a day off.
Nov 22, 2016
commented on Kshama Sawant’s Cap on Move-In Fees Gets One Step Closer to Full Council Vote
I rent out a four bedroom, three bath single family home in Ballard. It's the house I lived in for sixteen years, where all my children were born. It's a modest house - cute and comfortable, but it's far from fancy. It's on a nice big lot in a desirable area, but it was built in the early forties, has no particular historical or aesthetic value, and the interior finishes are all, well, let's call them "owner installed." I have rented this house out for the past eight years, since I moved out of it. The first tenant was there for six years, and unfortunately took advantage of the fact that we lived far far away and couldn't keep a close eye on things. He destroyed the place - I'm talking broken windows, holes in the walls, blocked drains that he
Never told us about leading to flooding and water damage. By the time I got him out of there (which involved going to court) he had racked up some fifteen thousand dollars in damages, including three thousand in water bills for which I was legally responsible. I never recovered a penny of any of that. It took us six months to put together the money to repair the damage and get the house
in condition to rent again. For the past four years it's been rented to a great family who pay their rent on time and tell us immediately about any issues that need to be addressed. This year, I had to replace the entire sewer line
Out to the street - the main broke and the basement filled up
With shit. Nobody's fault - it just happens to seventy year old houses sometimes. I gave my tenants two
Months free rent to compensate for their belongings that were stored in the basement; I paid for them to stay in a hotel while repairs were made, and I paid for professional cleaning when the work was finished. All in all, this event cost me
More than the entire years rent. The rent is very minimal - I know that I could be charging at least $600 more per
Month based on rents of similar
Houses in my
Neighborhood. But I don't do that, because a) I don't feel it's right to charge an exorbitant rent just because I can, and b) we have a bit of an understanding with the tenants. They recognize that we live far away and won't be able
To address every issue within 24 hours. We ask them to undertake what repairs they feel comfortable with (always reimbursing them for materials) and in exchange they get well below market rent.
Right now I don't feel that regulation is burdensome. When the new laws came
Into effect a couple
Years ago I had to certify that my
Home was up to code and up to housing standards. I believe it is - but i don't know for certain that it would pass inspection of that were to ever come to pass. Every old house has a couple of stubborn issues that are resistant to
Multiple attempts at repair, and
My House is No exception. I would have a problem with the city requiring, say, annual inspections, unless
It were paired with some sort of program that provides funds for necessary repairs to meet standards. Landlords like me who own a single unit usually do not have the means to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on small
Repairs. A low-interest loan program would go a long way to helping us maintain safe and secure rental homes.
Nov 21, 2016
commented on Savage Love
Okay after reading through the thread - I did the same as Kevin@59 - immediately donated to as many progressive organizations as I could afford to. I chose Planned Parenthood, the ACLU, and the Southern Poverty Law Center. To make the biggest impact, I chose to make a
Monthly donation in the lowest amount that lets them count me as a member - which in each case was $5/month. Seeing as how I spend $5/day on coffee and/or beer daily, I figured I could swing it. Also, all of my nearest and dearest (except my own offspring) are going to get the same Christmas present from me this year: a donation made in their name to a progressive organization that I think they would identify with. Some on my list are the Nature Conservancy, Greenpeace, Doctors Without Borders, and some smaller regional or local organizations that specialize in immigration advocacy. The Northwest Immigrants Rights Project is a good one.