commented on Dreamer Daniel Ramirez Medina Will Remain Detained for Now
If individual ICE officers can unilaterally and immediately confiscate work permits and "revoke" DACA status, and if border guards can unilaterally confiscate visas and "revoke" permanent resident status (as happened during the chaotic initial rollout of the Muslim ban) then documents issued by the US have no value, our legal system has no credibility, and the rest of the world would be right to treat us as a pariah state whose legal word cannot be trusted.
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Stamping Out "Just My Preference" Gays
I agree with the person who said have your preferences but don't advertise them on your profile. Or if you must, do it as a "plus" for your likes, not a "minus" for your dislikes. I had a thing for men from a specific ethnic group when I was younger. I'll even admit to kind of sort of "fetishizing" them. I never used dating apps; I just hung out at places where there were a lot of guys from that group (Okay! Okay! It was Latino dudes and I learned to salsa dance!) I certainly never ruled out dating anyone based on their race, national origin, or physique - I just flirted with the guys who turned me on. I fail to see how that can be construed as racist. Eventually I married one of the Latino dudes that I dated. - not because he was Latino, but because after dating him for a while I fell in love. I might be wrong but I think that's how it's supposed to work ;)
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Marathon Man & Woman
I don't see any great options here other than avoiding PIV entirely (which doesn't mean five days of anal-only!! Sheesh) or condoms. Withdrawal is more effective than we were all taught in school, but it requires a lot of trust in the part of the woman. If it were me, meeting an occasional lover and going bareback with no backup, there's no way in hell I could relax enough to enjoy myself. Just out of curiosity - men? What's the more desirable option? Wearing a condom and being able to ejaculate inside your
Partner, or going in naked but having to pull out?
As far as a UTI, I actually find that the irritation from a condom is more likely to cause symptoms than a naked penis. And yeah, five days in a row of multiple rounds would probably provoke one no matter how clean we were.
Dec 13, 2016
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Stop pathologizing your husband
I remember this letter, and I still think what I thought then - a person who is having daily sex AND masturbating twice a day? Okay, it's not impossible but it is unusual. Has he always been like this or is it new behavior? SOMETIMES excessive masturbation can be a coping mechanism for stress or depression. How is everything else in his life? If it's all hunky-dory, then yeah, she needs to just give him plenty of space and let him wank his horny little heart out. But I think it's not crazy to dig a little deeper and find out if there's something behind it.
Nov 29, 2016
commented on Savage Love
I'm sorry, I had to quit reading after Dan's one-word answer ("pot") to the trans woman with the anorgasmic girlfriend. Dan, that's sheer negligence. Sure, pot is not a bad idea to try, but this was not the occasion for a one-word answer. This question shouldn't have been in the "quickie" pile. For one thing, pot might help some people relax enough to come, but it turns other people into a twitchy, extra-self conscious wreck, and that's no good for sex. For another, a presumably adult woman (don't think ages were provided?) who has never had an orgasm is a problem that deserves a little respect from a sex-advice guru like Dan. Girlfriend says she has "never had" an orgasm so I presume that includes masturbation and that makes it a less
common and more difficult problem than somone who orgasms alone but
not during partnered sex. My advice would be for her to work on the masturbation first - her girlfriend could, for example, give her a high powered toy and some alone time in the afternoons. If that doesn't work, it's not a bad idea to see a gynecologist or a sex therapist. There are anatomical or psychological reasons she might not be coming, and I think it's worth it to visit somebody about it at least once. Her girlfriend could say something along the lines of "I really want to help make you happy sexually. I would love to feel you come. If you're happy the way things are, I understand but I just want you to know that I'd be happy to go
With you to a doctor or somebody if you want to do that." Also, I'm not sure if the letter said how long they'd been together, but some women take longer than others to really get to the level
Of trust they need in a partner to let loose and come. In my case that period of time was always a lot longer than my partners thought it should be. Lastly - letter writer is a trans woman. It's entirely possible that she has a biologically stronger orgasm response than her cis-partner. We all know that it's much less
Common for bio-guys to have trouble orgasmimg than it is for
bio- girls. Perhaps she is bringing an
expectation that is related to her particular body and history. Be patient, your love and goodwill will win out in the end. Combined with really excellent tongue skills.
Nov 29, 2016
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Done Dumped Me Wrong
This guy is in his late thirties? His letter reads like it was written by an angst-ridden 20 year old. She's already given him way too much "explanation." If I were her I'd probably be steaming from the ears and shouting "This! This shit right here is why I'm breaking up with you!"
Nov 24, 2016
commented on How to Get Through Thanksgiving at Your Right-Wing Family's House
What about.... Honoring the spirit of the holiday by finding things we are actually grateful for and sharing that with each other? I've spent the last couple of weeks reeling around in horror and babbling incoherently (and calling my representatives, and going to marches, and organizing events, and and and...). I really feel ready to take a 24-hour break from all that and just be grateful to have a huge amount of delicious food and a nice roof over my head, and people to share it with. I can go back into action-mode on Friday. We don't have to take EVERY SINGLE opportunity to start a discussion (or a fight). It's really okay to take a day off.